Can narcs feel love?

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#1 Nov 1 - 12PM
Sea
Sea's picture

Can narcs feel love?

Yes but in a very twisted way.

Their love:
1. Sudden intense "happy" feeling. Some narcs call it to the point of obsession
2. Appearing suddenly and disappear quickly can be within a day in minutes
3. Can disappear without a trace like alcohol evaporated
4. Has nothing to do with the partner, it is a very personal feeling to the narc
5. Out of sight out of mind. Like a toaster u rem or "miss" when u need to toast a bread
6. No attachment to the partner, runs if the partner gets too close

So they do enjoy these short "love" moments during early stage. Boredom will take over very soon and the discard process takes place. It is more like a high feeling, like on drugs. Narcs loves these highs so the many OW situation happens.

So yes they do "love". Not sustainable. Not the kind of love u and me wants.

Let him go.

Hugs
Sumiko

Nov 2 - 5AM
empath
empath's picture

they love their reflection in the eyes of their supply

Whichever "mirror" supports their delusional fantasies best, is the one they prefer. Once you see through them, your mirror is tarnished...once you reflect back to them something that they do not want to see, you are no longer valuable to them. It becomes easier for them to start over with a new mirror...so they have more control over their reflection.
Nov 2 - 2AM
Kimmy2
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Just like a toddler

Yes just like a toddler they are either extremely happy or throwing a tantrum, you keep thinking their must be some reason or logic behind it or genuine hurt. But no its just because they didn't get their own way.
Nov 1 - 7PM
Susan32
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What a toddler taught me...

Really. I think it was God speaking (in a VERY literal way) when my sister and my brother in-law, Nick (a Harvard grad) in Massachusetts had a little boy. After all, the ex-Psych prof was from Massachusetts... and his Daddy, Nick, went to Harvard (the parallels are too weird to be dismissed) I realized, when caring for my nephew, that when I fell for the ex-P, it was like falling in love with a toddler... except a guy pushing 40, who now has tenure&is a self-anointed (in more ways than one) philosopher has a toddler's mentality. A toddler can't love in a deep, mature way. Not his fault. If my nephew's attention goes from one place to another... he's only 2. I can't expect deep philosophical conversations of Wittgenstein with him... it's not gonna happen. A toddler expects his needs to be served. And they often change. Applesauce? Cottage cheese? He'll change his mind at one sitting. If you're not meeting his needs, he'll go to someone else. If he's suddenly interested in his Mommy because he wants to nurse... don't take it as an insult. Don't get hurt by it if he doesn't want to iChat. Am I angry at my nephew's immaturity, or that his screaming kept me awake during a vacation to Boston? NO. Not worth it. When I fell for the ex-P, I was falling for an adult man with the maturity of a toddler. It's not his girlfriend who replaced me... it was HIS PARENTS. I had acted as a parental figure to him, despite him being 15 years my senior. As for him... when it comes to lavishing unconditional love, and yes, my nephew is affectionate... it looks like a toddler replaced him. Because I PREFER toddlers to Ns/Ps!!!!
Nov 2 - 3AM (Reply to #21)
Gaia
Gaia's picture

I prefer

I prefer toddlers too, that HAVE emotions.
Nov 1 - 7PM
Gaia
Gaia's picture

projection of love

I remember for a whole year, I was yearning his attention and that feeling of HIGH, FIRST LOVE DRUG. i never was a Co-Dep before,but being with him it must have came out? He withdrew so much, and it made me crazy I kept harassing him (as he put it) for a inch of affection, and know what he said to validate it? He said, you dont understand that relationships die down, and we are in the second phase of this (clever f*cker), I cant give you attention 24/7, or be that man you thought I was in the beginning (yes he did say that) and you just need more attention that my CAT! Thats why i got a cat, low maintenance! You are pathetic, and so needy. You dont understand how relationships work, now I must go to work- I cant cater to you!! .. That was some of the converation from his side, he made me feel like a NARC! And all i wanted was a lil love, he withdrew into a video game , and left me hanging for a whole year! What a pile!!
Nov 1 - 10PM (Reply to #13)
foreverfun1
foreverfun1's picture

savegaia

that is exactly what he did to me, blamed me for being "needy" which he said caused him to fall out of love with me. but i only became "needy" because he started ignoring me
Nov 2 - 8AM (Reply to #19)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

foreverfun

Long time ago mine would say i was smothering him, could never understand that as on the contrary I am rather idependent woman. . I now realize years later, he has serious' mother issues' and she had smothered and doted on him, as i learned from a family meeber. when he was a toddler and yet was also indifferent and not not parent him properly.
Nov 1 - 10PM (Reply to #14)
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

Same with me! They all seem

Same with me! They all seem to read from the same script, don't they? It's amazing how they purposely manipulate us into being the very thing they reject.
Nov 2 - 3AM (Reply to #15)
Gaia
Gaia's picture

WHY?

Why do they manipulate us, to reject us? I just dont get it, I cant think like a psychopath, I am desperately trying! LOL
Nov 2 - 5AM (Reply to #16)
Tigerlily
Tigerlily's picture

I don`t think

they manipulate us TO reject us. It`s all about supply. At the beginning they love-bomb us to get our adoration and our attention. This is high-grade supply, their favorite. As we begin to see through them, or to question their behavior or their motives, they fear abandonment, so D&D us first. As we begin to see through them and the quality of our adoration and attention begins to become "tainted" with a little realism, we cease to be first-grade supply. They begin to treat us with disdain, with contempt, withdrawing affection, love, attention - everything they hooked us with in the first place. This naturally hurts and confuses us terribly and we begin to pursue them. We are now secondary supply and all they get off on with us is the visible pain they can cause us, the confusion, the drama. Telling us we are needy and weak is a projection - THEY are needy and weak. But it works, because - deprived of their "love" and "forced" to chase them - we FEEL needy and weak. As long as they can still get supply from us, if they feel us withdrawing, they will hoover to keep the ball rolling. The final D&D comes when we are either so depleted that they can`t get anything from us any more, or we can see them so clearly that we stop playing. This at least is what I believe I experienced. Hope it`s helpful! Tigerlily
Nov 2 - 8AM (Reply to #18)
Sea
Sea's picture

Thanks TL. Very clear, step

Thanks TL. Very clear, step by step explanation on the process. Can be very painful to read as we are the one being ripped apart but its knowledge and empowerment to save ourselves.
Nov 2 - 7AM (Reply to #17)
NarcJunkie
NarcJunkie's picture

I stopped playing..

.. and I wish I had done it sooner! So grateful for this forum :)
Nov 1 - 8PM (Reply to #12)
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

can't be what you thought in the beginning

that whole speech sounds so very familiar! Yes they really know how to make a person feel valued don't they? (NOT)
Nov 1 - 6PM
Dema
Dema's picture

Like water in a sieve

Mine could feel love. But it scared him unless it was from his cat. Because as soon as anything less than perfect happened, the love all ran out and he felt bereft and angry. He was generally afraid to feel it at all because he was so crushed when it ran back out again. If I snuck into his room to cuddle up to him in the morning, he would wake up feeling all warm and fuzzy. But the first real word and he would rage. The first word about socks or trash or work ... as soon as there was a thought other than a mushy one - it was gone. And that emptiness that followed made him so mad. So angry. The only emotion he seemed to be able to retain was anger. Maybe that is why he clung to it so tightly. Everything else was probably nothingness.
Nov 1 - 2PM
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

I wouldn't call it "love,"

I wouldn't call it "love," I'd call it infatuation. They get caught up in their delirious fantasies of ideal love briefly, but it has little to do with actual partner for whom they profess their passion. It's a shallow experience, at best -- one which can never transition into mature, lasting love. No, I'd say they are incapable of feeling REAL love. They don't know what that is.
Nov 1 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
FINALLYFREE2BME
FINALLYFREE2BME's picture

Limerence

I totally agree. The N's mistake limerence for love. They feel the euphoria of the limerence stage, but as soon as the relationship converts to the second deeper stage, they get bored and think they've fallen out of love. So they go in search of their next "true love" and the cycle starts again. The N can only have unhealthy limerent relationships.
Nov 2 - 8AM (Reply to #9)
Sea
Sea's picture

Thats a perfect word for the

Thats a perfect word for the narc!
Nov 1 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

Good term, "limerence." I had

Good term, "limerence." I had to look it up, but yes, it describes that intense, initial stage of infatuation well. We all do it when we are in love, but, unlike the narc, we are usually prepared to see the honeymoon end and the relationship transition into more complicated, less euphoric, but ultimately (we hope) real and lasting love.
Nov 1 - 1PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Sad but true..

Sad but true..
Nov 1 - 12PM
kizzy72
kizzy72's picture

Yes

If they are looking in the mirror with their mask on. Other than that, no they can't. They are sick demented self hating pretentious pieces of crap Sorry I'm in a rotten mood today
Nov 1 - 12PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Sea

Many years ago i saw a section in a book and i copied it down and it says, 'when love is given to you conditionally, it is not really love at all, that sums it up........
Nov 1 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
Gaia
Gaia's picture

narc truth?

At the end of this, the Xn ADMITTED he loved me conditionally. Now aint that a b.....
Nov 1 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
Sea
Sea's picture

Yes agree with OWML

The narc will have "terms & conditions", "disclaimers" etc on his "love". All his terms 100%, none from u or me. If u cannot feel his "love" your fault cod he already "loved" u very much.