Can I Just talk To him Once..pleaseee

38 posts / 0 new

#1 Apr 18 - 2PM

ImStrong

Can I Just talk To him Once..pleaseee

Why do I still love him..why do I still want to hear his voice..to speak to him..to kiss him..why...would it reallyhurt to messege him and tell him how much I need him..God why this one had to be a narc..why couldnt he jus be normal and for me..i cant get over him at all..i try and I cant..i know he doesnt give a shit but I do..i still love him..

#2 Apr 19 - 8AM

dudette

Im strong

This it he set back from your FB/Messages last week I think... I think you were hoping for some different outome of some kind, it has not materialised.... No you cannot. You cannot talk to him for you have said everything that needed to be said...broke NC And it fell on deaf ears, as possible predicted... As if would, with a narc.... NC is the only message that will get through. C'mon Iamstrong. you know this better than the rest of us.... Take care of yourself Dx

#3 Apr 19 - 7AM

Used

IMSTRONG

sorry to hear you are in pain,the trouble with breaking nc is this is how it affects you, its for us nc, not for them, its self presevation for us not them, he doesnt hoover you b/c you have shown your hand so he knows he doesnt have to. its a beatiful day here and when i was out having a coffee in the sun, he appeared, i looked right thru him like he doesnt exsistFOR ME BUT HE DOES, I CANNOT LET HIM KNOW THAT, WHAT IS THE POINT NOTHING WILL EVER COME IN THE WAY OF CHANGE WITH HIM IT WILL ONLY BRING ME MORE PAIN, SO I DIDNT, AND THAT WAS FOR MY OWN SELF PRESEVATION NOT HIS. please rethink this imstrong and know it will only take you back to the hell that is him.x

#4 Apr 19 - 7AM (Reply to #34)

ImStrong

When you say I have shown my

When you say I have shown my hand..do you mean I contacted him first..or I was to difficult to brainwash ?

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

#5 Apr 19 - 7AM (Reply to #35)

Used

IMSTRONG

sorry, i ment when you contacted him, rage or niceness, it doesnt matter to them what one it is, but as soon as you contact them to them you have shown they are still in your head, i am sorry if this is painful to hear, but i was married to exhn for over30years, then with this exn for six, so in the end you know the score, i couldnt have been that clued up to have got involved with exn, but now i am done and i will stay that way[i hope].

#6 Apr 19 - 7AM (Reply to #36)

ImStrong

Yes I figured that..but thats

Yes I figured that..but thats the sacrifice I take to spread the word on narcissim..i was aware I was supply for that momment but I needed to speak on narcissim ..and its ugly head..i guess he can take that hes still on my mind..because its true..i do love him but I love myself also..i needed to let everything out..even tho I dont feel fully complete..i know thats my part in all of this..

#7 Apr 19 - 1AM

neverlookback

it must be a full moon tonight

because I had a total breakdown and had to leave work early, I was hysterical, almost threw up and had to calm myself down with deep breaths. Its been three months total nc for me, out of nowhere it hit me that I will never see this man again I started saying, why did I go NC, why did I leave him, I dont think I can do this, I still feel such love for this man, I want him back. After i calmed myself down and got my brains back that temporarily fell out I realized of course I still feel love for him, the man he presented himself as and the man I wanted him to be, that is where my love is for him. What I could not live with anymore was the fact he was NOT ABLE to love me in return and I know that was NOT MY FAULT. His intent on destroying everything decent and good in me, stripping away everything I was. Loving this man literally destroyed me. Of course I miss him, I am HUMAN I CAN BOND, and FEEL love for another human being - he on the otherhand is unable. It was very painful for me to leave him but he was a very disordered person and he had nothing to offer me that would have given me any future or happiness, I know that now. I wish he could have known what it felt like to truly love another person because if he did, I KNOW he would have loved me, I mourn what we could have had if he had been right. I am sad tonight. Its such a huge loss in that respect

#8 Apr 19 - 6AM (Reply to #32)

ImStrong

"I wish he could have known

"I wish he could have known what it felt like to truly love another person because if he did, I KNOW he would have loved me" Wow that got to me big time..my heart sinks when I read this..does he not know suchpain..such anguish..such hurt?..those are the more poetic questions that come to my mind when I think of him.. Ill post a poetic question to evaluate more of what I need him to know..but that quote really got to me..oh how I wish he would feel..feel the love I feel..

#9 Apr 18 - 8PM

MyNaturalState

"Its ok to love him, but love yourself first"

Thank you for that. It was powerful and freeing to me. I've been trying to fight the love I feel for him and it was a losing battle. But you just gave me a new perspective and therefore a way to walk around it.

#10 Apr 18 - 8PM (Reply to #30)

gettinbetter

It is ok to love him. But the

It is ok to love him. But the real question is why do you love someone who harmful to you. I think once you get to the bottom of that you can begin to heal those core wounds and then you begin to realize that you could never love someone like that when you truly love yourself

#11 Apr 18 - 8PM (Reply to #29)

Deidre40

mynatural

Yeah, don't fight the love. Love is a good thing. Even falling in love with a narc. None of us could have ever known, what was coming. So, to love and lost, is part of life. To accept abuse and mistake it for love...is not. God bless you!

#12 Apr 18 - 2PM

ImStrong

What hurts most is hes not

What hurts most is hes not hoovering at all and I want jim to hoover me..he makes me feel like shit because hes not even worrying about hoovering ....he rrally foesnt care a thing about me..and it hurts..because I cant get over him..and I care so much..it shows...

#13 Apr 18 - 8PM (Reply to #25)

TLSM

oh I SO understand you!!!

That's what really gets me...he used to hoover, but not anymore. He found a replacement -a younger one, so why we he need me anymore? I have a feeling if ur narc hoovered, you'd take him back. I recognize it in you. I'm grateful he isn't hoovering you! He will destroy you worse than before. It happened to me!!! It hurts like hell but that freak has put me through the ringer. That stupid girl he is with can have him. Screw them. They don't deserve us and didn't care like we did for them. If they did love us as much as we believed they did, we would be with them and this board would have never crossed our path. Fuck them. They lack a sensitivity chip -that is what Jennifer Antiston said about Mr. Pitt after he left her for that ho-bag he has a zillion children with. I felt ugly and gross being replaced so fast, without a thought about me after 4 years of being in love. But fuck that too. He is the fugly one. A normal, decent and happy guy is not capable of cutting someone off like that! That goes for everyone here! Its not RIGHT! That said, they're all are fugly!!! Seriously!!! And another thing? I used to say over and over on this board here very recently that I will never love like that again... That is bullshit. I know I will, but it will be healthier and forever next time and it will be that way for you. We all just need to have a serious love affair with ourselves. Stick to this board. It saved my life.

#14 Apr 18 - 9PM (Reply to #26)

Veronrose

"That said, they're all are

"That said, they're all are fugly!!!" That's right TL....It doesn't matter what's on the outside, on the inside they are all EFFIN FUGLY!!!! That post just made me feel like "I am woman, hear me ROAR!!" LOL, THANK you for that!!! xoxo V

#15 Apr 18 - 9PM (Reply to #27)

TLSM

YaY V!

That's what we all need to feel! Sorry it posted twice. Don't know why it did.

#16 Apr 18 - 8PM (Reply to #22)

TLSM

oh I SO understand you!!!

That's what really gets me...he used to hoover, but not anymore. He found a replacement -a younger one, so why we he need me anymore? It hurts like hell but that freak has put me through the ringer. That stupid girl he is with can have him. Screw them. They don't deserve us and didn't care like we did for them. If they did love us as much as we believed they did, we would be with them and this board would have never crossed our path. Fuck them. They lack a sensitivity chip -that is what Jennifer Antiston said about Mr. Pitt after he left her for that ho-bag he has a zillion children with. I felt ugly and gross being replaced so fast, without a thought about me after 4 years of being in love. But fuck that too. He is the fugly one. A normal, decent and happy guy is not capable of cutting someone off like that! That goes for everyone here! Its not RIGHT! That said, they're all are fugly!!! Seriously!!! And another thing? I used to say over and over on this board here very recently that I will never love like that again... That is bullshit. I know I will, but it will be healthier and forever next time and it will be that way for you. We all just need to have a serious love affair with ourselves. Stick to this board. It saved my life.

#17 Apr 18 - 8PM (Reply to #23)

Deidre40

TLSM

I love this post!! Amen!

#18 Apr 18 - 9PM (Reply to #24)

TLSM

Thank you D!

Sorry it posted twice.

#19 Apr 18 - 8PM (Reply to #21)

Deidre40

It's okay to love him, you

It's okay to love him, you know. But you have to love yourself, first. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. We all do. We get what we accept. And when we stop accepting poor treatment from men. We will get only the best treatment. Now, not to say sometimes people don't say bad things...when having bad days. These people are not having bad days. They're users and abusers. You seem like a kind and gentle person. Who wants to believe that the love she gave away, meant something to the person she gave it to. We all feel this way. But, as I've learned...it meant nothing to him. And what that tells me is I need to get better at reading people. At the first signs of abuse, I need to say...ciao baby! lol Not after I've spent weeks crying. No. AT THE FIRST SIGNS OF ABUSE...WE ALL NEED TO GET OUT. Anyone can have a bad day. Normal, healthy people say I'm sorry...I care about your feelings. But, people like these. They say I'm sorry, only to lure you back...to hurt you some more. I have experienced it. And frankly, he stopped saying sorry after a while. So. Know what you are feeling is perfectly normal. But, if you reach out...he will only take advantage. Laugh at you. Smirk that he has control over you. That is not love. I've started to really resign myself to think like a narc. If I were a narc, why would I be doing this? And between that, prayers, and working on myself this past week...I am slowly but surely seeing through aaalll the BS. So, it's ok to have loved and lost. But, don't lose yourself. {hugs} Stay strong...Please stay strong.

#20 Apr 18 - 2PM (Reply to #16)

Hunter

You're just having a

You're just having a meltdown! Let it pass. Tomorrow will be better. I promise! Idealk

#21 Apr 18 - 3PM (Reply to #17)

ImStrong

Probably it would pass..but

Probably it would pass..but it keeps coming back...

#22 Apr 18 - 3PM (Reply to #18)

Hunter

Yes, it does, that's why we

Yes, it does, that's why we are here. If it was that easy Lisa woudnt need a write a book! He's an asshole, you know it! Be Strong like your name! Idealk

#23 Apr 18 - 3PM (Reply to #19)

ImStrong

I will..thanks..i just wish I

I will..thanks..i just wish I lacked empathy right now..oh how I wish

#24 Apr 18 - 8PM (Reply to #20)

Deidre40

No, you don't. Be proud of

No, you don't. Be proud of the loving, caring, nurturing person you are. We fell in love with abusive people. But, it doesn't have to remain that way. Keep the good memories. But know what you're dealing with. An abuser. A user. Someone who can't change, unless he had a lot of medical help. And the willingness TO change. But, you can change. You can break free...and find a life without him in it. I promise you. It's not as scary as you might think. Baby steps. :=) {{hugs}}

#25 Apr 18 - 2PM

Hunter

Ok talk to him! Then what do

Ok talk to him! Then what do you think will happen? Tell me? You know better, just let the day pass. Hugs Idealk

#26 Apr 18 - 2PM

Veronrose

Imstrong, DON'T do it!!! You

Imstrong, DON'T do it!!! You will feel shi*ty afterwards. What if he doesn't respond? You will feel worse. Please take a deep breath and think.....it will do NO good. Don't give him any more power over you. Gaawd, I could've written that post myself. How long are you NC? I am 22 days faux NC (meaning I still look at his fb page, but RARELY are there any updates - he rarely gets on fb but I still check). Please try to stay strong and DO NOT MESSAGE HIM!! xoxo V

#27 Apr 18 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

ImStrong

Im 6 months no contact

Im 6 months no contact including looking at his fb..since broke nvc to tell him how much of a narc he is..i began wanting him back..i dont know why..i just urged to speak to him..im breaking..

#28 Apr 18 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

Veronrose

WOW!!!! Six months!!!! OMG, I

WOW!!!! Six months!!!! OMG, I bow to you girl! I know how overwhelming the urge is to talk, hear his voice, send a text msg or email. Trying to make sense out of what happened. I find that if I stay on here, reading, reading, reading, while waiting for the urge to pass, it helps immensely. And the urge does pass. It does. You know that. I SOOOOO would LOVE for mine to hoover too....he doesn't. I'm in the same boat as you. To me, hoovering would mean that I am at least on his mind. Some validation that our relationship was not just a figment of my imagination. That I DO exist. As unhealthy as it is, that's the way I feel. Keep posting. Keep letting it out. ((hugs)) to you.

#29 Apr 18 - 8PM (Reply to #12)

Deidre40

That is a great

That is a great comment...hoovering does make you feel like the person at least wanted you. That you didn't imagine the whole love affair. That's so funny...I thought this very thing last week. But hoovering is not about us. That's what I painfully learned over the weekend. It's about them...most likely getting a) revenge or b) temporary supply. We need to be careful not to mistake hoovering for a 'woo-ing' back period. It's a ploy to get us to let our guard down. Period. I let my guard down on Saturday. And he smashed me like a bug. But, I'm no bug! I won't allow him to make me feel this way. His smashing of me, has to do with his disorder. Not me. I did nothing wrong, but be nice. But, just the same. Hoovering has shown me...it's all about them. Not us. It's not about them confessing their undying love to us. It's about sucking us back in to their crap. Thus the term...hoover...like the vacuum. :D When we truly let go of this whole thing...and forget about them, and live life. I'm telling you. Something beautiful happens. We become free. And we didn't realize we had the key to that freedom all along. That's the thing. We think these men's validation of us...their apologies...their hoovering attempts...somehow will set us free of our pain. It will do just the opposite. I hold the key to being happy--not a man. Especially not these assholes. lol

#30 Apr 18 - 8PM (Reply to #13)

Veronrose

"When we truly let go of this

"When we truly let go of this whole thing...and forget about them, and live life. I'm telling you. Something beautiful happens. We become free. And we didn't realize we had the key to that freedom all along." THAT makes me think of the Wizard of Oz. Yep, We had the power all along. Deirdre, I love the way you think. xoxoxo Nite girl, sleep tight.

#31 Apr 18 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

ImStrong

Please no bowing..i wish kind

Please no bowing..i wish kind of mine was 22 days...so I wont feel somuch like a fool for missing him so long..i could tell e eryone oh it was only 22days its still fresh you no..but no 6months and im still inlove..6 months and 6 relationships later on his side...6 months and hesstill gone..no hooveeing still..was I that ugly? Was I that unatractive to him..was I that stupid..6 months and istill feel the same way deep deep down..it feels like im pushing the feeings down with a rock but it keep coming up..im hurting and torn

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