Calling the Dr. today...feeling like a failure!!

I'm sorry you feel bad.. I'm here to tell you and anyone who will listen.. This board is a great help but it's not enough.. We have all suffered .. Professional help is necessary.. Take the novacain.. Hunter

I hope this doesn't sound trite but "Illness begins with I but wellness begins with WE." You can't do it alone. There's no shame in asking for help. It may be hard to put your faith in others when your are still reeling from such a violation of your soul. I've never been raped but the narcissist rapes our hearts. What they do to us is spiritual/emotional violence and violation. TAKE all the help you can get. You don't always have to be the strong one. I used to do that,"Oh no..I'm fine...I can handle it" It's terrifying to ask for help but surprisingly empowering once you do. I just started taking Maca (for adrenal support...it's working). And using aroma therapy. I'm doing EVERYTHING in my power to restore my soul. Prayer and meditation. I used apple cider vinegar for my ulcer...that worked too. I have an old friend who gives BEST BEST hugs. He always shows up exactly when I need one...like a big 6'3" hug angel. For whatever reason the world seems like a safer place after one of his hugs Do you have someone who can hug you?(without wanting more) As cliche as it sounds getting fresh air does one wonders...even if you just go stand on your porch...BREATHE!!!

Awhhhh *BIG HUG*...I think it's totally okay to feel in pain soemtimes, I mean we have been thru hell have we not? Are you seeing a therapist. I'm starting mine this Friday, hopefully she is good..Are you on any antidepressants? I know exactly waht u mean. I at one point when my friend said well "your strong u seem fine" ..I burst out crying and ranted and cursed, because I was tired of looking strong and feeling like a mess inside and people alwasy telling me to be strong just pissed me off more. I am still dorwoning in self-pity, pretty much in the deep end where u are. I think you really need to talk to a therapist and let all your feelings out. Its also not a good thing to keep things bottled up inside. i did that once before and developed panic atttacks because i was suppressing so much anger. But you know what its totally fine to reach out for help. your doing good by reaching out. I'm with u. I anticipate when I will have those days too when i will just ball my eyes out. This forum has helped me alot tho, so u r not alone. I know what u mean when u say u feel like a failure. same here. im a new grad out of nursing, 3 kids to support alone and from one narc to the next I'm quite fed up myself feel so despicably low. but as i learned from going so deeply in despair, is don't give up. it is a rough journey isn't it? There are days that I want to punch my wall, scream my head off, stick a picture of him on my pillow and punch the crap out of it, perhaps I will. just to release my pent up emotions. but as I said it's okay to go and seek help. especially after dealing with a narcissist, its traumatizing...pm me anytime too..i appreciate when ppl are there for me and I am there for them alwasy too.. take care

I hate that this pain is so debilitating..but for the Grace of God, I would be huddled in a heap myself today. I think a visit to a therapist/Dr. is a great idea. Don't look too far ahead. Just get yourself through this day. Love to you...

Aww janemarie, you WILL get through this. I have often thought the same thing "people think Im really strong, but Im not". There is a reason that people tell you you're a strong person though, you are! Even strong people have (many) moments of "weakness". Being a strong person doesnt mean you dont suffer. And I think often it means you can suffer even more because you make the tough decisions that will be good for you in the end, but that are very painful along the way. Call your doc and feel PROUD of yourself for getting extra support when you need it. That is strength, not weakness. It takes a strong person to know when what they are dealing with is too much. Do this and feel good about yourself. Everything will be okay. Just being here shows that youre resourceful. You cant control everything that happened to you but you can control how you recover from it. And to me it seems like you're doing everything right. Keep coming here, turn to friends, talk to your doc. Needing support makes you human, not weak. You will get through this. xoxo

you have to seek out a way to get above water again. This means you are not in as bad a shape as you feel. This is a process. You don't have to be all things to all people at all times. What you do have to be is patient and loving WITH YOURSELF because you deserve kindness and care after the chaos and destruction we've all experienced. JM, do whatever you can to take care of yourself, your ulcer (maybe your doc can change your meds to something that's not so hard on you), and your mental and spiritual health. Pray if it helps. Meditate. Listen to music. Drink lots of water. Eat good foods (even just a little if you can). It will all add up and you will feel better. One minute at a time you will get through his, JM. YOu have been doing so well. KNOW THAT! Feel good about the progress you've made because it is excellent. The damage these freaks do over time doesn't go away over night. I have to tell myself this all the time even after 14 months out. The good news is these setbacks get fewer and less frequent and this will happen to you, too dearheart. Hang in there, JM. As Used and Sparrow said, "this too shall pass." Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A FIGHT, BUT I'M IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL. I REFUSE TO SPIN OVER ANY MAN, OVER ANYONE

I hope you are talking about a good therapist, it made all the difference in the world for me, a good professional, who is versed in NPD and other disorders, STAY STRONG, you will recover from this me 15 years in and 3 years out now, it was a struggle but the light is at the end of the tunnel, GET HELP for yourself, Hugs.

IT WILL PASS, AND THATS A PROMISE.. I WAS WERE YOU ARE, PEOPLE ALWAYS SAYING HOW STRONG I WAS, BUT INSIDE I WAS SUCH A MESS, BUT YOU ARE STRONG YOU HAVE COME HERE, THAT SHOWS STRENGHT....IF WE WERE THOSE PATHETIC NARCS WE WOULD BE RUNNING AROUND LIKE HEADLESS CHICKENS DRUMMING UP SUPPLY, ANY SUPPLY, BUT INSTEAD WE COME HERE TO OUR FRIENDS WHERE WE KNOW WE HAVE ALL WALKED IN EACH OTHERS SHOES..... GO TO THE DOCTOR, GET ALL THE HELP YOU NEED... YOU WILL DEFEAT THIS FEELING, YOU REALY WILL...YOU WILL GET STRONGER AND STRONGER....PLEASE REMEMBER AND TELL YOURSELF MINIUTE BY MINUITE, HOUR BY HOUR... *THIS WILL PASS*.....XXX

Your having a set-back Jane. That is very common. You are doing well, you truly are. You are strong, whether it is on the "outside" or not, the outside is still part of you, who you are. Inside, is where pain is suppressed, that is why you feel sick, and you are crying a lot. Pain is pain, and you are handling it, but definatly contact your doctor today if you feel you need assistance. Very important to not "go it alone" if you can't. There is no shame in admitting that. None at all. Can I just say also......you have a VERY FULL plate. Most people would have caved under the circumstances, honestly. Be proud of your accomplishments, and how far you have made it so far. Do not dismiss your victories, if you do, than you are cheating yourself. Remember............Chutes and Ladders.......it's our reality, but won't always be! Your doing great, but make sure you contact your doctor also! Stay strong, you are closer than you know!

This is me...I haven't gone on medication and it is tough. So up and down and just soooo tired. I am trying to work through each feeling and let it run it's course...sometimes I don't think I'll make it either....but ur not weak... I read all your posts....you r so on the right track...I admire you.