butrfly's story

6 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Mar 24 - 10PM
butrfly
butrfly's picture

butrfly's story

if i knew then.........

I met my narc husband three years ago at a dating mixer. I did not want to go out with him as I found out he was seven years younger and had never been married nor had children. I felt we were just in different seasons of life. But he was very persistent and sweet so I finally agreed to a date. Needless to say. He swept me off my feet. He was very attentive and even asked what I wanted in an ideal partner. And he seemed like all of those things. He said he had been engaged but his finance in Spain where he was stationed had aborted their child and broken off the engagement. Stupid me actually felt pity for him because he seemed devastated. We had a heavenly three months and then he started doing alot of things that did not add up. He went from telling me he hardly ever drank to drinking so much his mother and I thought he had alcohol poisoning. He reenlisted in the military without telling me and during bootcamp became very demanding. He thought nothing of asking his mother and I to send boxes of expensive items for him and his friends to share. Then the night before he was to come home he told me he did not know if he wanted me to come to the airport to meet him. I was devastated. He said that he did not know if he wanted to continue dating me because I had kids. A fact he knew about me from the beginning. He said he wanted to get with someone it would be a new experience for. I hung up and cried myself to sleep. He called the next morning and said he had thought it over and as long as we did not rush things we could be together. I was fine with this because I was in no hurry to get remarried. Christmas was just a few days away and my children were going to be with their dad so we were spending it together. When he got home he asked me to go with him to pick out presents for his mom and step dad as he lived with them. He asked me what he should get them and I thought this was really odd as he did not seem to really know anything about either one of them. I picked the gifts and he did not even wrap them. For me he ventured to the mall and got me a Victoria secret teddy. In his favorite color. It was not even my size. To this day im not sure if it was truly meant for me. On the night before valentines day he insisted on going out with the boys because the next day he would be taking me somewhere "special". So I went out with a girlfriend. At the restaurant we went to we ran into his best friend and asked where he was. The guy told me he had bailed out on him. We both tried to call him and got no answer. The next night he took me for dinner to his favorite restaurant and to a horror movie knowing I don't like them. He gave me a fruit basket and ate most of it himself. The whole time I thought this can't be happening. And then he presented me with the gift of the evening. You guessed it a Victoria secret gift card! He said the only reason he did not pick something he would like to see me was because he hated the sales clerk in the store. At this point I was pretty sure I wanted to break up with him. He asked me to help him with his school forms and when I was on his computer got curious and found that he had been corresponding with a Russian mail order bride site and a girl he had casual sex with in Spain. Come to find out she was one of many he had cheated on his finance with. I just could not believe everything I found. In addition I found a personal ad he responded to the night he was supposed to be with his friends. I good him I needed some space. The next month was horrible. My beloved grandfather passed away. My daughter went away to school and I had to travel home to the south to take care of my grandfathers estate. When I got home my dog had died. I felt like I was losing everything. In a moment of weakness I agreed to meet him to talk. He said that he realized that he could not live without me. He pulled out a beautiful ring and asked me to marry him. I was floored. I said yes but did not believe my own words even as I said them. He said he did not want to wait and wanted to go to Vegas. When I hesitated he looked so devastated and told me that I had really hurt his feelings. I loved him and did not want him to be hurt so the next week we were married. It was the most foolhearted thing I had ever done my friends thought I had lost my mind. Since then the following things have occurred.
1. He cheated on me with a hooker in Vegas while I was left with his friends who were from another country.
2. I found out he has had two children with two other women who he has never seen and does not pay support for.
3. He contacted 3 old girlfriends and made plans to visit them on a trip he convinced me to pay for. Thank God I didn't.
4. I lost our baby at 51/2 months and he stayed home and drank while I was in the hospital.
5. I am reasonably sure he cheated on me this summer while on reserve training with the military. How do I know because he let the lovely lady use his cell phone that I pay for.
6. I found out from an army buddy of his that he tells everyone that he is not married. After I got my pathology report back it showed I tested positive for an std I had not previously had. He blamed me until I insisted we both be tested as I had not been with anyone but him in years and he caved and through tear filled eyes told me he thought the last woman he dated in Spain had given it to him.
7. I found out that he was having little lunch dates with girls from his classes and none of them knew he was married.
8. He has been unemployed for two years.
9. And only recently his mother told me that she had to have him institutionalized when he was a teenager for violent behavior. He had a scar on his leg that he said was from a battle related gunshot wound but his mother claims it was from a gang he had been involved in.
The most ironic thing is on our very first date he said. "I hate secrets in a relationship." "Let's promise if we decide to be together that we wont have secrets from one another."

Mar 26 - 4PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

OMG!!!! RUNNNNNNNN!!!!' This

Mar 26 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
butrfly
butrfly's picture

Yes there is no doubt in my

Mar 24 - 11PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Welcome to the forum. I am

Mar 24 - 10PM
Fearless
Fearless's picture

wow...so sorry

FeFe

Mar 24 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
butrfly
butrfly's picture

Thank you fefe I am so