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burning him out of my life : He could

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#1 Jan 14 - 1PM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

burning him out of my life : He could

one of the things that trap us with these guys is saying to ourselves

" how could he watch me crawling in agony and just roll his eyes and go to sleep, how could he continue to look me in the eyes when he knew he had given me a disease, and say I told you I will never sleep with another woman, youre crazy.
How could he watch me stumbling along after major surgery on my leg, and just be gazing off at someones ass while i battled to walk without even a comforting arm to support me.

I could go on like this for days with all the randomly cruel things he says he didnt realise he was doing.
"I never wanted to hurt you"

well here's closure for me and maybe for some of you too.
He Could
He Could
He Could
He Could
He Could
He

Could.

So I dont torture myself with "how could he anymore"
I know he could, over and over and over again and yes he knew he was doing it because I saw it in his eyes.

He could.

Those two words transformed me, and I said them daily, until I saw
the two words had become.

I couldnt.

thats closure, I couldnt and I cant anymore.

Jan 14 - 7PM
not-an-idiot
not-an-idiot's picture

wow

You're so right. He could! Today my ex N admitted he had flaws that hurt me and is a monster. It didn't help as he's still in denial of tons of other things he's done. He even said close to the same line you quoted "I never meant to hurt you and I'm sorry." Then went straight back into the denial and blaming me and tearing me apart for my choices I make without him. (So I have a "friend with benefits" and its not the N, we all need human touch and contact, right?) Thank you for writing this. It's so simple yet so true and obvious! We can't--it hurts too damn much and the Ns are not worth losing our lives over! And the Ns CAN--because they are evil monsters that are selfish! Their loss! We are strong, smart and amazing people. We are all great catches, to be reserved for healthy, recipricol individuals that will treat us like we deserve! :)
Jan 14 - 2PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

He sure COULD alright

He sure COULD alright :( What you are seeing in all it's ugly truth is that he doesn't give a single shit about you. He can't. It is impossible to begin to relate to that. Not CARING about another human being in pain? I used to believe if I could only get the Narc to SEE the pain he caused me he would wake up and knock it off. It astounds me that I tried so hard to do this for years. It should have occurred to me that all it takes for a NORMAL person to SEE is one or two times! Like I was on an evil hamster wheel. I kept trying. Doggedly and for years. This is huge, Ms Foolednolonger, a huge revelation. I am seeing you GET IT, big time. I am seeing you GET IT that what he is is simply a fact of life, and that it's not about you, and it's a waste of your time to fight it, get him back, or even agonize over it. You are entering the "acceptance" stage. He is what he is.
Jan 16 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Not caring about another human being in pain...

I lost my paternal grandmother recently (she died after a stroke December of last year, December 2010), and it was VERY triggering. When my paternal grandfather died 14 years ago, the ex-Psych professor thought my grieving was MY fault, and some mental instability on my part. He thought the fact I was mourning for my grandfather was FUNNY. He relished my pain. He'd have me to the point of tears in class, then joke "Miss A--- is going to the therapist to learn to manage her feelings." He claimed that I needed to learn to "manage my feelings." He told me that I needed to learn to be detached, to be freed from my feelings. One of his male followers said the ex-P thought I was a cartoon character-and this was while I was mourning. A teacher who doesn't care about his students' academic/intellectual needs or emotional pains doesn't deserve to be a teacher. I was floored when I realized that a teacher- someone who I was supposed to trust&respect- and someone who was supposed to respect&trust me- did NOT care that I was in emotional pain when I lost my grandfather. He purposefully mocked my grief. He thought that because he lacked empathy, he was somehow more "enlightened" than others. He compared me to the pregnant Lise in "War and Peace" (who's married to the Narc Prince Andrei), who's "preoccupied with trivialities." He viewed my grief as a "triviality" (and I see his ego-pedestal as something to knock him off of)