BtrflyGrl's Story - Pt. 1

2 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Apr 25 - 8PM
BtrflyGrl's picture

BtrflyGrl's Story - Pt. 1

My Story – Butrflygrl aka Kim – Pt. 1
Hi Ladies, I tend to be wordy so I’m going to tell you this in parts. I will try to be concise. I don’t want to get too far behind.

Wounded after the suicide of my boyfriend of almost 13 years I was determined to move forward with my life. I had been off work for nearly 7 years due to an injury at work. I finally earned my BS in Business in April of 2008. I was now free of Workers Comp. and ready to get on with my life. I began applying for jobs and was waiting eagerly to re-start my career.
June 6th, 2008 I woke up to find my boyfriend and best friend blue on my couch. I tried to check for a pulse and felt nothing but cold. I called 911 and he was definitely gone. I was devastated but refused to stop with the progress I had worked so hard to make.
Within 6 weeks I began a new job with a great company. I was still in shock and mourning badly. I barely spoke at work and kept my sorrow and personal tragedy private. Over the next few months I kept my tears bottled up till, when every Friday after work I could finally release them without anybody knowing. I was very isolated.
That fall I turned 38 and felt my life had been wasted in a relationship that, while loving was less than ideal. A relationship that I had invested so much time into (my youth) ended with such finality and waste. I had been abandoned.
For the first time that Halloween I accepted an invitation from a girl at work to go out. She and her friends were much younger than me and at the bar I was quite uncomfortable. I was offered a ride home from a guy at my new job that had helped me with my flat tire a day earlier. And that is where my Narc story begins.

That night we stayed up for hours talking, he was so open, I felt, that I opened up and told him about my ex. I cried, he said he understood. He said I could talk to him anytime about it. We saw each other every day after that. He told me he was still married but separated for 11 months. After a month of dating I told him I could not date him anymore unless he got a divorce. He took me to the paralegal with him to file the paperwork.
We were together every day after that for months solid. By that time I was in a full fog (retrospectively). Every red flag, every pang in my stomach was overridden by his adoration of me. By all his proclamations of love, even his friends told me how smitten he was. I felt special. After six months together I was addicted and he knew it. He used to tell me I was addicted to him.
His past, four failed marriages, three children and a grandfather by 32 constantly puzzled me. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. “if you didn’t like her, why would you marry her or her or her?” I’d often ask. He said he didn’t want to spoil my idea of what marriage should be, by telling me reasons people actually got married. I’d let it go but it would always come back up. He would use my questions against me later.
He was a single father of two, all my friends of my age or older were having babies. I wanted a child. I wanted something to live for, because I felt that I could give up on it all if nobody needed me. He was “fixed” and after I confessed my desire he “had been thinking the same things for months”. We saved our money and he got a vasectomy reversal so we could have a baby together.

Apr 25 - 8PM
Hunter's picture

Welcome to Narcville. Hunter