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broke NC today

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#1 Jul 15 - 8PM
Brooke1
Brooke1's picture

broke NC today

I had told my N i needed to take some time away from him,and that i would contact him when im ready.He said okay and didnt call for a while.Then he called and left messeges on my phone that he misses me and can we get together for coffee. I tried to egnore it and told myself that he's lying and doesnt miss me, but i gave in and called the next day.
We hung out together and went for walks for a few hours.talked alot.I had planned to tell him about how his indifference is hurtful.Its one of the reasons i took time away from him in the first place--never feeling like i was really important to him.Now, he hasnt seen me (till today) for about 2 mo, but it doesnt seem like he missed me that much.He tells me with his words that he loves and misses me, but his behavior and choices, and priorities contradict that.
I am still alot more attached to him than i thought. And seeing him today really was sad.He said that he thinks its a good idea i had to back off, and that its probably more healthy for both of us to only see and talk to each other every once in a while, instead of constant like before.That was MY idea, because he wasnt treating me right.and now he is fine with it?!
i think he's trying to keep me on a string, and doesnt truly want a future with me.I said i have mixed feelings about seeing him only every once in a while, and that to me its sad. He said "Oh, im not sad. i feel okay with it cause i dont want us to be hurtful to each other,and i need to work on myself," etc.
I guess i should have expected this reaction from him.After all, i knew deep down that he's not serious about keeping me. I cant believe how painful this is, and what a hard time im having to try and get over him! I dont know if i will be okay in life without him....and yes he wants to keep in touch,but i feel like he's long gone.How do you know if you'll get over someone?

Jul 16 - 4AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

So it was his idea all of a

So it was his idea all of a sudden to have a break ... Good God they can twist everthing and make black seem like white , this is an exsample of gaslighting , they subtaly change reality and its this you need to get away from and it is about as sick as it comes .Mine did this all the time and they always have to upper hand because we are emotion and they are not , they are cold ,calculating manipulators. Its so painful to go NC lord know how hard it is but there will never be any sence from a narc and you will twist youre self up in knots trying to unravel it all .Keep strong and NC .. Scoop xx
Jul 15 - 9PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Indifference

I see you are new here, let me ask a question, Does any of this make sense? You must understand that having a conversation with a wall is more fulfilling! Yes, he is keeping you on a string? Idealize, devalue,discard ! Yes you care for him ,he planned it that way, now he's toss you crumbs! Are you worth a whole loaf or just crumbs! That's for you to decide. No Contact, means no contact! Read, knowledge is power! Hunter
Jul 15 - 9PM
Brooke1
Brooke1's picture

didnt tell him what i planned to

i was going to tell him today that his casual attitude about our relationship sinking, and lack of passion for me was so hurtful---but he is coming up on 6 months clean and getting cravings so i didnt want to make him mad and upset.If he goes out on a relapse, i dont want to feel like its my fault.And also, when he said things that suggested that his off and on drug use was the only thing thats stood in the way of our otherwise good relatiionship, i started to correct him,and was starting to say "no, theres been other issues besides that" but could see he couldnt handle that info at the time. I decided not to tell him how i felt (yet again) because i suddenly realized by the way he was talking,and from something i read about N's yesterday,that he's in a deep denial and he'd be overwhelmed if he realized the full picture.It was sad though, when he said today pretty much that his life will get better whether i want to be a part of it or not. In other words, he's so not into me that he could take me or leave me.i have hope that i will be okay some day, but i dont know how.
Jul 15 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Been sober along time

and nobody else can make me drink or use or keep me sober if I want to get fucked up. So lose that thought that you have that power over him. You will get over him, and this site and the info here will help you as it has helped all of us who want help. If he is not a narc then he is done with you, that seems obvious. If he is a narc then you in your current state are perfect as a source of secondary supply, but if he is a narc he has someone else, they always do, always always always, its because they cant be alone. ds