Yeah but those times were like I knew in my heart I had feelings still as friends,I now have no feelings and I am disgusted..I have been taken too far now...Noone treats people this way..noone..I'm not a piece of garbage of the street like he slept with..I let him live in my home,borrow thousands of dollars,my mother cooked for him everynight..took care of him..to be treated like this..he's a sick son of a B
No It had to be done..Sorry this is my reputation with my friends and their family..I am letting him know it is NOT going to go down like he is trying..Sorry charlie..He tried to play me as the crazy one from the second he got caught cheating..So I could care less..My friends said someone in her family asked if I did drugs because I hang with him and his friends..Hold up..I also included in the email.I will not be dragged down with them..And that I am clearing that up as well..Everyone I ever knew has tried drugs..in this area outside the city..I would be in meetings everytime I met someone around here if it was about me going to meetings..I said about 7 paragraphs..I have nothing else to say to that scum..To think I even tried to save a friendship.because we were friends for 15years before dating...We know all the same people..So I am in this for the long run..I'm just making things clear..Because nice-guy is over.I"ve been flip-flopping with him being nice,trying to salvage a friendship..I havent told you guys that..But thats it,I'm not being vulnerable like this..I'm embarrassed and done..There is no adddiction to it right now..there is "you will not embarass me any further in front of my friends and their family"..Sorry i'm not going out like that.
Okay.
Well, how is that going to stop him? Why is telling HIM anything necessary? What possible difference is it going to make to him? He's smearing you. That's what narcissists DO.
Michele is right, by RESPONDING to him, you are giving him what he wants. You can't TELL them anything, they can't hear you. All he hears is that he got you good and riled up. Seven paragraphs worth!! Yee ha!
Shortway, no one here is going to be surprised that you have been "trying to salvage the friendship." You might think it's a big secret because you didn't tell us that, but you are just doing what EVERYONE does in the beginning. Somehow you think your situation is radically different, but it is pretty much the same.
Do you know what being "done" is? It's going no contact for real. That is "done." You aren't even NEAR done. ;)
Done is when you finally accept that THIS is a narcissist, and he is doing everything narcissists do, and that interacting with him in any way, shape, or form is SUPPLY for a narcissist. He wins with every word. They LIKE conflict. why ELSE would he lie about you?
Let me say that one again... THEY LIKE CONFLICT!
Do you not see any irony in your statement that you "would be in meetings if everytime I met someone around here if it was about me going to meetings." What does that say? That MAYBE it would be a good idea? To go to a meeting? To stop the chaos all these people bring into your life? Unfortunately your exposure to so much of this has probably led you to feel like this sort of chaos is actually normal. Well, it's not.
At this point it seems you are feeling a lot of strong and understandable emotions... so it doesn't seem like what we are saying is true.. but you haven't been able to stay away from him for more than a couple days. It's up to you if that constitutes any sort of addiction... (I know, I know, you can quit any time you want... )
Hugs, shortway.
Yes everyone I ever knew tried drugs,still does drugs,just went to rehab..drinks everything.I've buried two people because of it my step-brother and best friend..So yeah it is all over the place..I wouldn't even know where to start on who affected me..I'm not saying I am not like you guys..I have been doing very well actually.So please don't understate my progress..that is the worst thing you or anyone can do to me on here..I have deleted all his emails on my facebook.I have cancelled accounts that I could see his and the OW page..and see what was going on..It is asking alot to not be mad..I'm not going to be treated like this at the end sorry..NOt going to happen..I believe in NC..But I firmly believe in not going out like a smuck..So I have different view point of before NC...I'm not letting that blood-sucker think he took my dignity..I feel better..When I felt my worst was when I was cowering down and trying to make peace and save a friendship when I knew in the back of my head this vulture any minute is going to come in and go for the kill..So i feel fine and better.I'm not questioning what I did,so I really don't want it to be questioned..I finally did what is right instead of being nice to someone who is going to do these things to me..
I think you are misunderstanding what I am saying. I never asked you not to be mad! lol Of course you're mad. You should be mad. I'm saying that telling HIM you're mad doesn't accomplish anything. He WANTS you to be mad, and he LIKES it that you are mad, and he GETS OFF ON IT.
Actually, I think you might be too mad to hear what I'm trying to say, so I will stop now.
Hahah better off..No worries..Yes I am mad..My mother knows everything..just as much as this board..I just told her what I did..She is ok with it actually she said I cowered to him and I should never have..The fact he is just messed up on drugs right now and I can't be a part of it..She says hes an a====hole and has no respect for him..She is mad too,we let him live in our home when he didnt have a plac to stay so it was easier for him to get to work..She feels used as well that he could be this way..So she is also angry...She atually called him up before we went away to europe telling him I was upset and she didn't want it to ruin oher vacation with me..But he did anyway..He even tried to downplay on the phone to her our relationship..Because in his head,she probably knew what happened the night I caught him and he's rather sell out our relationship than man-up..Even to my mother..Such a coward.....Michele..You are right..i didn't have kids with him ,no house,no bills...I am lucky..I would never want to deal with him being hte father of my child and having to deal with conversations with him and trying to "be nice" "to get him to see his child or to "not speak like this in front of the child"...So yes I did get a little lucky..I am very sorry for anyone who has to deal with the N with children..Must be soo hard.:(
So what is your plan when he ups the ante? You gonna call him again?
As far as reputation, please note that this poster was called bi-polar by a group of crackheads
AND a pill popping alcoholic from the Narc who allegedly had 18 years under his belt clean
In my entire life I tried pot twice, don't do drugs and don't drink outside of social occasions.
So, when you speak of having to defend reputation I understand completely, but do you really understand this is what they do to get a rise out of you and that you are feeding right into the palm of his hand.
He will up the ante...so what is your plan?
Hi michele..well my friend in the family that this is going around found out...And she is worried because she was in rehab for alcoholism and we are best friends...and ther parents are very strict with her after it..she is pissed and so am i..Because I am not like that..It is aggravating because we are close with the same huge family..I being close with about 6 women and him with only one man in that family..I'm not letting him jeopardize my reputation with my friends and family..He won't up the ante..I have him blocked..I'm done with him...piece of total garbage..
Very disappointed...I hope it's the last time.
Wipe the dust off ya feet, get back on the wagon.
We all fall off from time to time don't beat yourself up too much and don't expect anything from him.
You know what he is.
All the best.
Hmmm. Sounds to me like he played you just fine. You're still dancing to his tune when you do things like that. Inside a narc's mind: "Wow, look at her go... look at how much power I have over her. I can't wait to tell my new GF's how crazy she is and how she's stalking me and they will all feel sorry for me, and then when I tell them, gosh, you aren't like that ex of mine, you're SPECIAL, they will fall for it!! I love this!"
You might feel good now but it will pass and then you will have to "do" something else to get it back. That's what an addiction is. Everyone feels good as soon as they use again, but then they get a hangover.
Only two cures for a hangover, the hair of the dog that bit ya, or a crappy painful time going thru withdrawal and pledging not to get bit again. No contact is "b.s." in the sense that an alcoholic thinks no contact with alcohol is b.s. and he can control it juuust fine.
If you really feel like it "had to be done" then please consider the possibility that you are actually dealing with your own addiction to a drug. The narc.
Since you've described a lot of trauma with family members and friends abusing drugs, I wonder if you've ever thought about going to Al Anon or Narc Anon to help you live a healthier life.
Yeah but those times were
No It had to be done..Sorry
Okay. Well, how is that
Yes everyone I ever knew
I think you are
Hahah better off..No
Shortway
Hi michele..well my friend
Shortway....
The hair of the dog...