Broke NC, but I learned my lesson.

I'm just putting this out there - as kind of a landmark. I don't even care if anyone reads it or comments. I know it's long and yucky. I just want to be able to go back in my recovery and see how far I have come. It gives me hope to know that someday I will see it through different eyes. His story won't be my story. I don't even remember what got me to break NC. Maybe it was him saying that he wanted me to know that it was the last night he would be sleeping alone (how cruel) and to always remember that I lost of love of a lifetime and how I abused him and treated him so poorly that he felt used. Soooo, this was my response - and my very last contact with him as I finally blocked all avenues.

Treated YOU???? I did nothing but continually strive to make your life better and happier to best of my ability. You think I did all that for shits and giggles? And now you have the balls to say I didn't love you and I used YOU, and you were good to ME? How, F, how were you good to me? You lied and deceived me with absolutely no remorse. No feeling for how you have hurt me - how you have fucked up my life, my head. You think you are worse off since you met me? Really???? Well, let me just recap just a few of my displays of love for you:

I fixed all your warrants and erased your legal mistakes.
I spent HOURS each week raising your GPA from the gutter so you could have a chance to graduate. I bought your books, made sure you registered for the right classes.
I made your kids Xmas happen 2 yrs in a row, and probably OW1's, too! Did I get anything for Xmas? Not only were you not here for MY special occasion(s), you were sexn OW1 at 4am!! Or driving an hour in the middle of the night to comfort OW2 in her pregnancy. I know now that you slept with her, too.
I bought circus tickets for your family-OW1 and (son's) bday.
I helped you buy a car with money I didn't have worth 20k for "your kids".
I started not one, but 2 viable businesses in which you can make an awesome living in addition to obtaining your personal training certificate.
I made sure you had all your shots and went with you to every appt so you could be an EMT if you wanted to.
I gave you 2 surgeries you needed and wanted and I made sure your recovery was taken care of.
I gave you a place of your own for the first time in your life and furnished it comfortably, even though it wasn't bougie enough for you and you complained about it every chance you got.
I fixed your 2nd car that had been sitting for years so you could save gas.
I gave you your dog to be your loving companion - and you beat him!!! I will always feel sick when I think of this.
I gave you gym memberships so you could work out whenever you wanted.
I gave you a computer, a smartphone, a PS3, a video recorder, and countless ipod devices so you could be entertained.
I endured weekends alone while you "played house" with OW1, always reminded that I was not "good enough" to be around your kids and listened to all the awesome things you did for HER, while doing NOTHING for me, making me always feel low priority and OW status, which I was.
I got to ignore countless text msgs, pictures, and solicitations from other women, you said weren't important to you, so therefore shouldn't feel disrespected, but I had to delete every single non-relative male and females I was close to in order to show my loyalty to you.
I had to ignore all kinds of discrepancies about where you were and what you said you were going to do vs. what really happened - only to find out later and be accused of being "insecure" and "controlling" just so you could look like I had no right to bring this to your attention.
I gave you an acting class and hooked you up with an agent so you could pursue that goal if you wanted.

I am DAMN SURE that ANY MAN on the planet would be thrilled to have a woman or even a friend who LOVED them like that, over a lifetime, not to mention a period of 1.5 years!!! So don't fucking sit there and tell me you have suffered and are worse off!!!

And what did I ask in return???? Honesty, sexual exclusivity, and not to be played. What did I get out of our relationship??? Debt, heartbreak, and irreparable emotional and psychological damage!!!! Just add me to the list of people YOU fucked over, but in your mind - they fucked you - by not giving you what you want, when you want it, and being unable to live up to your stratospheric expectations. I'm just another missed opportunity, F, and I fear God will put more of those in your life cause you haven't figured out yet that you are your own worst enemy. No one is doing anything to you - you alone create your circumstances by how you choose to conduct yourself and the choices you make to hurt people.

You won't hear from me again.