Broke NC - Hurting :(
Broke NC - Hurting :(
My N and I split, after the final D&D, on June 30 when I watched him get on his boat with the OW after telling me there was no one else. I have spend the past few weeks in turmoil. The first week after I saw them we had zero contact as he was on his boat with her. While he was gone, I discovered that I was pregnant (his 100%) even though I have an IUD. When he got back he would only contact me while he was at work because he didn't want the OW to know he was talking to me I'm sure. I told him about the situation and he started really freaking out and panicking about it.
Last week I miscarried. It was ectopic, and in the end I know it was best because I didn't want to have him in my life at all. Up until last week we were still communicating although I had changed my phone number so he couldn't reach me. He seemed very concerned that his life as he knew it would be over if I had a baby. After his OW left town he would email regularly trying to "understand" what was going on. Finally, after getting out of the doctor's last Thursday confirming the miscarriage, I called and told him it was all over and we could move on and never speak again. I did well with four days of NC. He emailed Friday, Saturday and Sunday asking if I was OK. I ignored. Most of his emails go to deleted except one account (which I have no had his emails forwarded to an inactive account I don't check). On Monday he called me twice at work "concerned" that I was not OK. Monday night I broke down and called him to tell him I was OK but I also started saying he was a jerk, how could he do this, etc. Bad idea! Tuesday I came to work to an email from him stating that his new woman is twice the woman I'll ever be, and if I think she's fat it's because she has boobs and I should think about getting some and I am just a jealous bitch.
I know this shouldn't hurt . . . but it does. And today I received another email from him saying that leaving me was the best thing he has ever done, that his new girlfriend is amazing because she only says good things to him and she has a hot body and that he will never remember me for anything good and that he has been laughing at me for months.
This is all so crazy, how can he say these things? I do the research and I know it's him trying to bring me down, but it really, really hurts. Now that all his emails won't come to me I hope I can start to truly heal. He can't call, and if he calls my work I won't answer or listen to the messages. Part of me wants him to try to contact me but I know it's wrong. I've met a great, sweet man who in three weeks has shown me what it means to be treated properly and with respect. I want to move on. I never want to think about N again. But I beat myself up, thinking if only . . . if only I was like her, maybe I wouldn't be hurting. If I had just let him do what he wanted and not complained, I wouldn't be hurting. If I had never met him. Why is she so much better than me? Does he truly believe that? Is he truly happy with this new woman after such a short time?
Help!
Everything went smoothly at
I'm so happy everything went
I honestly don't know if he
I so get this... For me it's
Ectopic pregnancies are not
Sweety I know how you feel;
Sweety
What did they do for you for
I have to go in for another
Is someone going with you to
Honey he is trying to hurt
oh dear God