broke NC and this is what I got

Im so beyond mad at myself.... I was doing OK...even went out this past Friday and really had a fun time visiting the set of a movie that is being filmed near me...way cool.

so because I was doing so well I thought .... that talking to the N wouldnt derail me. when he contacted me..and in some ways it hasnt other than me being so mad at myself.

it was the same old thing... him pretending to care... then me expressing feelings via text.....me walking away again and him then calling me cutting me off for good and hanging up.

sending me a text to leave him the F alone ( he rarely swears and never did at me until tonite)

then tonite a late emails comes in...below is what he said... something I did obviously set him off...more like what I said I guess.....he said a few times he felt smothered and stalked. but I dont feel that i was doing either. he blamed me again for him not getting work done... but I dont live with him....so how could I make the narc THAT upset that he couldnt work....could I?? am I destiny so powerful.
at one point before he got pissed he also said I do not want to possess you and if you said you had a date I would be thrilled for you.

so in one text I told him that I was going to give this guy a chance so that would make N happy...guess that was wrong ah well. I think both drugs and alcohol are at play here as well as he came into a large sume of money recently....and really just seemed so off to me....

like i said Im not affected like I usually would be... just that on Friday someonelse really crapped all over me too... so this stings... sigh... lesson learned....back to.thinking nice thoughts of this weekend. ...which he will never take away from me. Also, he must have sensed I was getting to a good place without him when he decided to contact.

what sux is he never would dare have treated me like this ever before... ever. and that hurts too... that i no longer hold value. I told him to never contact me again...and it was fine with me if he never contacted me.

I usually would beg and run after him...there is nothing to run after but a horrible mean non human. the nerve to treat me this way. Jerk! boy am i mad!! his loss and the jjoke is on him now.... destiny will no longer be around ever again and he will be stuck with the lame back up girl. he cant take anymore and niether can I. Im so much better than I was even a month ago... he thinks he is dealing with the old destiny. No MORE Narc I am so much better than him.

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You just don't get it. I can't take any more. I didn't get done what I had to and now I am screwed AGAIN. Why? WHY??? Dealing with you is an ENDLESS CIRCLE. A not-so-merry-go-round from HELL. A bottomless black hole. Leave me alone. I'm taking the damned choker collar OFF. LEAVE ME ALONE.