broke NC after a year & 3 months, need input :/

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#1 Oct 29 - 11PM
afgurlie39
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broke NC after a year & 3 months, need input :/

hi ladies, long time since i last posted. . . to make a long story short, i've been going through some personal hardships in my life right now, and have made up/made things right with a few people in my life recently, including my older half sister who i haven't spoken with in years due to a huge falling out a long time ago. with the ex-N being high up on that list, i texted him the other day - kept it short and sweet, but explained that i wanted him to know that i no longer harbored bad feelings towards him, was over everything that happened between us, and for peace of mind just needed him to know that. i told him that i didn't need nor did i expect a response, which naturally i never got. i'm now thinking that maybe this was a mistake and/or a bit of a setback, because it does hurt that he couldn't even reply back so much as an "okay". so what now, where do i from here/what do i do? i'm even somewhat angry, like i'd love to write back again and thank him for being a stupid immature jerkoff lacking the decency to so much as acknowledge something that was very hard for me to do, but i know that would be adding fuel to the fire/inflate his head even more/give him the impression that i still "want him", which couldnt be further from the truth, considering i've since been in a yearlong loving relationship with a great guy who treats me like a princess. any advice/words of encouragement? i'm stuck thinking about him all over again since the minute i sent that text. help?? thanks girls, and as always i appreciate your love and support <3

Nov 1 - 11AM
Praying
Praying's picture

It must be in the water!!

Yesterday I felt compelled to send "It took me some time to get over the anger/rage about everything, but when I gave you my heart I meant it so I do wish you all the best and I am very happy you are happy" (I ended it with him, he would have blown sunshine up my booty for however long I would have let him play me for a fool) His response "I hope you enjoyed your trip with your guy, I cant believe the scum you listen to lies about me and the lies you spurt out about me to others.I was nothing but a good time for you like all the rest, Thats fine because I am bettering me mind spirit physical. I am happy and at peace with my self, good luck to you" First I never went on a trip or have a new guy, of course he always puts something about his body, I dont talk to anyone about him but yes was told by pretty much everyone what he was doing and all his lies. afgurlie39 I dont know what is worse, no reply or a narc reply!! Forgive yourself, Im forgiving myself for even thinking they are human and that we would even get a normal human reponse and lets forget they exist!!! HUGS
Nov 1 - 12AM
FINALLYFREE2BME
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IMHO...

the best thing to do is to forgive yourself and move forward using this as a lesson to remain NC. They are an addiction and reaching out to them is like going after a "hit". It doesn't necesarily mean you aren't over him, you may have the addiction to him for the rest of your life. So you have to stay away - as if he were heroin. (It may not be the same for everyone, I speak from my experience.) I can relate to you becuase after I went NC I met a great guy, too, and we were just married and I have a wonderful life now. We have a healthy relationship and I love him very much. Please don't jeapardize your wonderful new life with a great guy for a "hit" of a poisonous N.
Oct 30 - 8PM
Hunter
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You did own it!! You feed the

You did own it!! You feed the vampire ,, Delete his number from your phone!! Hunter
Oct 30 - 5PM
Femmegem
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Deep down we want a response

Hi AFGurlie, I've sent a 'no hard feelings' message today too. I wanted acknowledgement but I'm the sort of person who hates leaving on a sour note and bearing grudges but I agree with Dierdre.....these aren't normal people and we should.ignore them so as not to reinforce their cruel behaviour. I want to go through a full day and not even have him enter my thoughts. I wish that for all of us. X x
Oct 30 - 2PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

Don't beat yourself up. It

Don't beat yourself up. It happened. I will say one thing though. If you are truly over him...you will no longer think to write him, call him, etc...for any reason. This isn't to be harsh. But, it is true. I no longer have ANY DESIRE whatsoever, to contact my ex. Not for closure. Not to wish him well. Not to wish him bad. Nothing. He means nothing to my heart. He only means something as a memory, and serves as a reminder of all I would never ever want from a man, ever again. The fact that you wanted to make amends, bury the hatchet, is NOT a bad thing. I don't mean to convey that it is. It is a nice, normal gesture, but you are not dealing with a nice, normal guy. But, this has more to do with you. HE SHOULD NOT EVEN REGISTER ANYMORE IN YOUR HEAD AS SOMEONE WHO MATTERS IN YOUR LIFE. You can wish him well, and pray for the guy from afar. But, I think deep down, you wanted a reply. And that is what you need to reflect on. HE'S AN ASSHOLE...AND ALWAYS WILL BE. You need to continue staying NC, and continue your healing. Again. This isn't to be harsh. But, it's to be real with you. This man should mean nothing at this point. Make it so.
Oct 30 - 9AM
really
really's picture

I agree with Agnes. It feels

I agree with Agnes. It feels horrible, acknowledging your text just doesn't fit into what he has going on right now. If he was short on supply, he may entertain it, but only as a means to try to lure you back in. And that, regardless of whom you are with right now. I did the same thing years ago after one of the D&Ds. (At the time, I didn't know he was an N, not much info available.) Months had passed and I was traveling overseas to a less developed country. I sent him a Christmas card just to get things said and make myself feel better under the heading of "in case something happens there". Of course, he ignored it. It doesn't feel good, I know that! But, be thankful, that he hasn't used it as a means to screw up the 'new' life you have been able to establish for yourself since you went your separate ways. You need to forget about it and go celebrate the fact that you didn't hear from him!
Oct 30 - 9AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

You are

a lucky lady, having a good relationship with a nice guy, like Agnes says,let the narc go, why give him the time of day! I wish I could meet a nice guy.......I never got any closure from the exnarc even after over 2 years out and sending him a nice card......
Oct 30 - 8AM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Let It Go

Put it behind you & stop thinking about it. Maybe he never got the text. Maybe he just doesn't care. If this man is truly a narcissist & personality disordered, be thankful there is no point of contact. Somehow you want "closure" still. To be on some sort of friendly terms. If he's an N -- he's clueless as to why you would harbor any bad feelings towards him--he was an innocent victim of your abuse (in his personality-disordered thinking). If he contacts you it is because he thinks he can extract something out of you. So better to forget him & focus on the wonderful man you presently have.
Oct 30 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
afgurlie39
afgurlie39's picture

oh he got it, we both have

oh he got it, we both have the new iPhone software where you can see when texts have been "delivered" and "read". he read it 2 minutes after i sent it. i'm so regretting it. i feel like all he did was laugh at it and delete it. i'm so sad and i don't know why! i have a great guy who i plan on getting engaged to so why am so stuck on this loser? i've also hardcore transformed myself physically since our breakup - lost 19 lbs (i'm little to begin with, 5'1" 111lbs now) started working out vigorously so now i'm all toned up with a bangin body (even almost done working on my 6 pack abs!!) it sucks. if he could see me now, i bet his jaw would drop! ;) but i don't want that. . . i just want closure, which obviously i'm gonna assume i'll never get. hugs to all you girls for reading and responding
Oct 31 - 1AM (Reply to #3)
empath
empath's picture

not fair to the new guy

For you to be reaching back to the N. What outcomes were you hoping for? Be honest with yourself. And be fair to the new guy. Don't sabotage what you have now, over the dysfunctional relationship you had in your past. If you trul didn't harbor any bad feelings for the N you wouldnt have immediately wanted to tell him off when he did not respond as you would have liked him to. The issue here s not with the N, its wihtin yourself. Most of all, you should be sensitive to the new guy, he is innocent of all of this, and most likely dealing with other leftover unresolved qrks in your behavior, that are not something he should have to suffer for. Be fair to him, and be honest with yourself. I apologize if this seems harsh however it just seems so wrong that you are giving so much importance to the disordered one and not respecting what you have in this man in your life right now, who seems to be very decent.