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Brief Lapse of Better Judgement - Confused

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#1 Nov 30 - 12AM
Melba
Melba's picture

Brief Lapse of Better Judgement - Confused

I am intending to send the break up letter soon, and I have been feeling anxiety and a brief lapse of better judgement because I know once I send the break up letter, that will be the end. I even had a brief thought, maybe I could just wait another couple of weeks, delaying the inevitable.

But I know its just last minute jitters.

The abuse is now coming from all directions, including N's mother (she is a major controller) and one of his children.

Part of it, and I know its wrong, is that I feel I don't want N's mother to get satisfaction from me breaking up with N.

Right this minute, I'm confused......

Nov 30 - 9AM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I implore you…don’t send a

I implore you…don’t send a letter. It will be a total waste of your time (although if you want to write it as a therapeutic kind of thing to get your emotions out but don’t send it, that’s ok) because they don’t care. I wrote a goodbye letter to a narc (before this last one)…and he ignored it. Hoovered me as if he had never read it. You think the letter will end it? It won’t. lol Trust me. It won’t. DO NOT SEND A LETTER. Your greatest asset is your silence. Your greatest weapon is your silence. Your greatest ticket to a new life, freedom from abuse, and peace is silence. IT WILL BE HARD. I won’t lie. And he will say all kinds of things…’’you’re ignoring ME?’’ or ‘’who the eff do you think YOU are?’’ And far worse things, trust me. But, who cares? Silence will protect and heal you. I assure you this. TRUST ME. NO LETTER. START NC RIGHT NOW. Blessings for you to get through this and have a drama free holiday. (and go NC on his nutball mom too) Those two can wallow in their self induced pity together….over some eggnog. lol ps--and silence gives no answers to them. he will have no clue if you found someone new. if you're wallowing in sorrow. if you're ready to jump off a building because you can't bear the thought of not having him. ha! who cares. silence basically gives you control. and he will not know what you're up to.
Nov 30 - 7AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Is this like I'm starting a

Is this like I'm starting a diet on Monday?? No letter necessary .. Stop communication now.. Hunter
Nov 30 - 9AM (Reply to #12)
Layla
Layla's picture

Oh my gosh I just busted out laughing at my desk!

Hahahaa! Hunter you crack me up................ love~ Layla
Nov 30 - 7AM (Reply to #11)
Hermes
Hermes's picture

Fully agree Hunter

Good advice.
Nov 30 - 6AM
freaked
freaked's picture

Melba, best to avoid sending any letter

I concur with Syren's advise. 100%
Nov 30 - 1AM
Syren66 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Yes, I am quite familiar with

Yes, I am quite familiar with the territorial, gloating mother from HELL. The ex had one of those...I hate the bitch and never wanted to give her the satisfaction either...but in the end, I was like..fuck it - she created that monster, only fitting they should be stuck having to feed off of one another for the rest of their miserable lives. Um, word of advice...write the letter, read it...then tear it up, throw it away, pack your shit and leave. You don't owe him an explanation. Just go. Start NC right now! :D
Nov 30 - 1AM (Reply to #2)
Melba
Melba's picture

Needed to hear

Thank you, I needed to hear that. You understand about N's mother and the havoc they can create with their lies.
Nov 30 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
Syren66 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

LOL

I not only could, I SHOULD write a book about this broad. I've posted about her before on this forum, but let me recap for you...b/c you probably have a horrendous passive-aggressive "smiley" knife wielding bitch on your hands too. Scary Bitch did the following: 1. Called #1 Son on our first date to "see how it was going" (he was 38 y/o at the time) 2. Gave him UNDERWEAR for Christmas...in front of me...this was the first time I met his family (if I had any brains then, it should have been the last) 3. Wore skanky clothing around exNarc's cop partner friends at her "pool parties" (*HURL!!!*) 4. Would drive to Chicago where we lived from 3.5 hours north, without calling, use HER key to get into our house, and park on the couch for days while she shopped locally. 5. Came into our bedroom while we were sleeping, without knocking, to "wake him up for work".
Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I was waiting to see a

I was waiting to see a #10...that they fucked under the mistletoe one Christmas. seriously, your ex is nuts...his mom is sick and twisted. GROSS!!!!!!
Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
Syren66 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I have a son. I want to cry

I have a son. I want to cry for the xN, because I KNOW how badly that evil wretch has damaged him and it continues to this very day. I do not use the word "hate" often but when it comes to her, I can't use it often enough. I HATE HER. I recently put my own little guy into therapy (he's 13), because I am seeing N traits in him...whatever I must alter as a parent, I will alter...b/c if he goes to adulthood and the choice to seek help becomes his sole decision, like any other N, he won't do it. I don't want the exN's life to be my son's fate. My little one is sweet, but he's very manipulative and unconcerned about those around him. He also lies a great deal...about seemingly mundane things...things you wouldn't even think to lie about. He only asks "how was your day at work?" not because he genuinely cares...it feels like a scripted line he is parroting out of habit only. This is scaring me.
Nov 30 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Syren

Ok that's gross.. I think you should have moved to the guest room and let her sleep in your bed.. Mine is the same way with mommy.. Sees her every Sunday fo brunch and she calls several times a day .. Best part is he runs to the phone to answer.. Disgusting... Hunter
Nov 30 - 10AM (Reply to #6)
Syren66 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

LOL runs for the phone! What

LOL runs for the phone! What a good little Oedipus he is! Oh, if he didn't call her for a couple weeks? She'd call and lay on the guilt trip, crocodile tears and all. I have never wanted to pound the living shit out of another human being before in my life as much as I wanted to pound the living shit out of her...she'd show her face and I was instantly put into 'blind hatred mode'. well sock me sideways, I almost forgot; 10. Grabbed his ass in front of me during a holiday gathering...would "playfully" pull his arm or chest hair. 11. He told me I had 'skinny legs' like his mom...in retrospect, he was looking for someone who is the exact replica of her. The only thing that I had in common with her were skinny legs...beyond that, the OW he has now is much more suited to his requirements...she looks like she was dragged out of a gutter. And so, incidentally, does his mother. It's Trailer Trash Smackdown 2011.
Nov 30 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Read

" when he's married to mom" Kenneth Adams buy it today.. Read instead of obsessing .. They all have mommy issues .. Hunter