Breaking an online stalking habit

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#1 Jun 14 - 9PM
fool_me_once
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Breaking an online stalking habit

I know that most of us struggle with this. In this age, it's impossible to completely avoid a person's presence online. I've managed to make it an art form, and I've actually creeped myself out a few times by the amount of knowledge I've been able to dig up on my N, what he's doing, and whom he's with. Of course, this completely defeats the purpose of NC and only serves to torture me. Over the past year, I've gotten a lot better about not thinking about him every moment, but I've made such a habit of compulsively looking at FB, Twitter, etc. etc. for "clues," that's it's hard to make myself stop. (It doesn't help that he has achieved public success and is mentioned in many places.) Friends, does anyone have any advice for breaking this habit? There must be some cognitive tricks to make me less tempted. Maybe some ex-smokers have relevant advice. :)

Jun 15 - 5AM
badjer
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Breaking an online stalking habit

When I broke up with my ex last October, we were friends on facebook. He also had achieved success in a couple of fields, so finding out about his movements and latest activities was painfully easy. I then decided in the New Year - fresh start. I had to build up to it, but the first step was to de-facebook him. This was after he had left an incredibly arrogant comment on his facebook status (and he hardly, if ever, used facebook) to say late on a Friday night about 2 weeks after we broke up "I know you#'re reading this." I knew it was aimed at me and it was his pathetic way of game playing. Thereafter I resolved not to look at his profile. When I de-facebooked him - what do you know? Within 5 days he had contacted me. I also obsessively trawled the internet using Google to look him up. I mentally resolved not to do this after I did it back in April and found out he had been out and about joining all manner of extreme sports things. It hurt to know he was getting on with his life and I was devoting my energy to cyber stalking him. talk about a wake-up call. So I resolved to change my life for the better. I have not once Googled him since, I block my mind to him as much as possible and I am throwing myself in to activities to block him out, get a change of scene, meet new people and getting a life - and to an extent, it really works. You just have to ban yourself. End of. Start living and be the better, happier more confident person that you were BEFORE them. Good luck xxx
Jun 15 - 2AM
dudette
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I have no online profiles left

I have deleted all my accounts and as a friend put lit to me lately, I am bloody hard to find these days... So no FB, twitter, my space..... On the plus side, I occupy my time online doing "silly" things like tarot cards and horoscopes. Some are totally rubbish and I read them with mild amusement. Some have been consistently spot on...some have really freaked me out... I have lost two rose quartz crystals ( the crystal of unconditional love) which I placed under my pillow and have disappeared overnight, that's just weird.... As a result I have dug out my own set to tarot cards which had been dormant for many years....and learning again... All my girfriends are now queing up for a reading as my inner witch is awakened ( and I am a christian LOL) I don't do spells so don't even ask, tempting as it is !!! Take care Dx
Jun 15 - 6AM (Reply to #12)
badjer
badjer's picture

I have become totally

I have become totally addicted to horoscopes and news websites to keep me from looking him up....though did spend way too long looking at his horoscopes for a while and still have th occasionally break that particular habit, but....baby steps..... xxx
Jun 15 - 12AM
Littleone
Littleone's picture

I read a good piece of advice

I read a good piece of advice that said to dig down deep inside yourself and find the place that says no more, not ever again no no no! Block him and mutual friends. I have a fake profile on Facebook for a support group on there, I've even blocked him from that. So when I get the urge I have to actually change my settings to see his profile, this makes me think twice! If you keep looking you do remain connected to him in some way. I know it's hard, but just STOP.
Jun 14 - 9PM
fool_me_once
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P.S.

I think that I have a new career calling: private investigator. I'm scary-good at finding stuff and drawing conclusions. I should use my powers for good and not evil.
Jun 14 - 10PM (Reply to #8)
peace11
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lmao

we should start a business together!
Jun 15 - 7AM (Reply to #9)
wacaet
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I could be one of the

I could be one of the partners...I'm so good it's scary. N was constantly shocked by the things I could find out about!
Jun 14 - 9PM
peace11
peace11's picture

Smoking was easier to quit. :|

I smoked for 14 years... and trying to quit internet stalking was harder. Sorry.. i dont mean to discourage but you HAVE to stay strong! I have been NC since November.. but i doesn't matter if you're still stalking. He wont get completely out of your head if you keep putting him there.. you'll still feel connected if you keep looking! Trust me. I stopped my stalking addiction May 1st. (the longest ive gone with only a minor relapse.. baby steps) I became so addicted to looking on all his social networks.. hes a DJ/promoter/parasite also mentioned in many places... he was/is EVERYWHERE. hard to avoid hearing about him. I blocked him from fb, deleted mutual friends, deleted my twitter and blocked his Phone lines. Its the only way.. I DO FEEL SOOOOO MUCH BETTER! I promise it gets easier! whenever i get tempted i come here! AND IT WORKS! :) I feel like you wrote this post just for me.. lol or my ex N wrote it and is trying to see if this is really me and im still f'd up about him or not... lol (he would so do something like that) f**ing parasite! COME HERE WHEN YOU WANNA LOOK!!!!!!! IT WORKS!!! :)
Jun 14 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
fool_me_once
fool_me_once's picture

Haha, I promise I'm not the

Haha, I promise I'm not the loser parasite DJ! I think I'll try to automatically come here when I'm tempted. When I read other people's stories, I start to just get really angry, which helps. I wish I could block his business's FB Page (you can block a profile, but not a Page). I did block his profile though, and that helps. Now that I know there's an OW, I should block her as well. I know that I'm going to start healing when I can rid myself of this self-defeating habit.
Jun 14 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
peace11
peace11's picture

You're on the right track..

You're on the right track.. :) My exN has a fan page (he thinks hes famous lol) also and no, you cant block those.. it does get tempting but again... jump on here and get angry! :) I used to go on the OW stuff ALL the time too.. Block, Block, Block. :) I started to scare myself also.. stalking all day.. i had to know what he was doing all the time. it def wasn't healthy. i had to stop. this site has really become my salvation. :) I wish you luck!
Jun 14 - 9PM
SoaperGirl
SoaperGirl's picture

Wall of Silence - Stalking Not A Problem

I've learned a bit about the OW which doesn't really interest me that much, but my narc has gone completely silent. If he's on the net, he's been damn surrepticious about it. I can't find him anywhere, and what I have found is nothing recent. There's been nothing to find..and largely I have lost interest anyway. Better we both move on. I'm going for indifference now. The less I think about him, the better I like it. The more I can move forward and establish a narc free life, the better I like it. I want all thoughts of him to cease, and never bother again. I had a good life before him. I was alone, but not lonely, and I'm getting that way again. Tomorrow, I will pack a picnic lunch, and take my grandchildren swimming in the park to the beach and playground. Such activities feel good and right and healthy. It feels completely normal like that's the way it should be. It amazes me. I think it's called having a life! I'm finding a joyful life again. I like that!
Jun 14 - 9PM
Southernbelle
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Facebook

I admit sometimes when my girls are gone I can check his Facebook through their login. His girlfriend put her profile pic up with him and when I saw that stiff forced smile and how he didn't have his arm around her it made me feel better!!! I realized he was the same with her and I don't have cooties after all! I can only pray for her. Oh and he is so boring I quit checking LOL!
Jun 14 - 9PM
wacaet
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block him on facebook, then

block him on facebook, then you can't see anything he posts anywhere come here every single time you think about stalking him read something posted, encourage someone else, distract yourself it was hard for me, I had a fake a.f.f. profile to see when he logged in, that & a blog an ex-girlfriend of his keeps that only rarely mentioned him (he d&d'd her bad but she drunk dialed him a year later, the day after my final conversation with him) anyway, I had no other way of checking up on him and I finally, finally made myself delete the a.f.f. profile and not check her blog anymore. It was causing me pain, making my heart race, etc...not worth it!