Your reasoning makes complete sense and I hope for your sake it will be the safe environment of understanding and healing that is your intention.
I agree that it will be good for your therapist to meet him to understand YOU better. That is really what matters most anyway, that you get the support and validation you need in therapy to remain strong and gain more clarity.
I also think, whatever 'surprises' might be in store for you would likely happen anyway, just drawn out over time instead of brought on by this (if it brings on anything - remember, his cooperation and seemingly good nature could also be considered a 'surprise', since we know he has a lot of fear, desperation and rage buried right below the surface).
At the very least you'll have witness to your intentions documented in case you do need it later for verification that you've asked him to leave you alone, if he doesn't.
xo
please consider having sister's boyfriend watching your car at the end of the session, to keep you safe from him, he seems to use parking lots and any other opportunity to try to corner you and attack, beware young lady, beware!
ds
I am going to have a friend drive me, wait for me and take me back home. I will be safe and have made extra accomodations because you have voiced concern for me. So I am making adjustments for the day - all bases will be covered.
I have hopes that we can communicate clearly with each other. I so badly want it to go well for us both. I think he is ready to listen.
You have put thought into this weeks plans. That is good. You want to be heard by him. That might or might not be a problem, most of us here have learned that narcs hear in their own special way, and they are only listening for what they can use. They don't care how we feel...they really don't give a rat's ass...look at the evidence in your own case. But they do want to hear how we feel, because with that information they can continue to manipulate us and control us in the twisty narc fashion that they know too well. Information to use to give him what he wants. I hope we all get this concept, they don't care how we feel, they only listen to us to get material for their next assault.
You are smart Bada, you won't regret this meeting, you will learn from it and grow.
1. Be open to what you get out of the meeting, I would record it myself.
2. Be protected, and it sounds like you have taken steps.
3. Please be open to filing a restraining order at the first sign of another incident, you have a right to be safe!
ds
We understand you don't want to continue the relationship.
What's bothering us, is that we think the following:
1) You're at risk of further violence before and after the session.
2) He'll ignore your communication and attempts at getting some understanding from him - he wants what HE wants, not what you want.
3) You'll get hurt further when you realise he's not listening and also if you ask the therapist for help and find the therapist can't penetrate the narc's mask.
You have been very clear about what you want - we're just worried that he'll use what you want to manipulate you and get what HE wants instead.
Like I said, if you feel it's the right thing to do, then do it and good luck, but make sure you're safe and protected from him.
If only i had even a nickel for every time my N said he would change, said the things i wanted to hear, did the things i hoped for.... for so briefly... just to reel me back in. Just sayin.....
OK
If it's something you feel you have to do, then do it. I think many of us here have done plenty of stuff to be heard and understood, it's perfectly natural.
But please, be safe.
Your reasoning makes complete
Journey on...
please have backup available
chris
The deal
We understand you don't want
If only i had even a nickel
really?
Badabing
he can fool her all he wants
OK If it's something you feel