blackbird1978's story
blackbird1978's story
Living with a narcissist
Hi
I'm here because I have finally came to the conclusion that my ex partner is a Narcissist, we have 2 children together so unfortunately I have to deal with him every day. Living with him was absolute hell, this is some of the stuff I had to put up with....
Constant name calling - fat, slut, slag, ugly, c**t etc…
Criticizing my parenting skills - He took my children to the police station to report me for neglect after I had took my children to a family barbecue where there was a few alcoholic drinks, may I add nobody was drunk.
Controlling - I once went out to a football match with friends, I said I would be home at around 6pm. I came home at 7pm instead and all hell broke loose, he pushed me over. Afterwards he said it was my fault because I was late!
Conversations were always one sided - he did all the talking, he never wanted to hear my opinion on anything. Never listened to anything I had to say.
Never has taken any responsibility over our break up, everything is my fault.
He though he was better than myself and my friends (they weren’t rich enough, or lived in the right area, or spoke in a certain manner) he would not let me spend time with them.
After I had accused him of being emotionally abusive he then said that I was the one who was abusive!
He used to make things up, once saying that I would often go out shopping and never come home. This NEVER happened!
My best friend died suddenly and after a week, he was asking “aren’t you over this already? You have no time for me!”
At one point I found out he had been ringing sex phone lines and I was absolutely furious, I admit I lost my temper and I smashed a plate. He rang the police and got me arrested. I spent a week apologizing and the whole sex line issue was conveniently forgot.
This is when were in a relationship together, I honestly thought things would get better now that we are apart. But I find I'm starting to feel like I'm trapped because of the realization that this man isn't ever going to change and dealing with him is always going to feel like an uphill struggle. It has only just dawned on me recently that he perhaps has NPD so I have withdrawn from any contact with him unless necessary and try not to react to him. But the thing I'm finding difficult is how can I not react to him but regain at least some power regarding our children???
A few weeks ago I asked the ex if he could take the children on Saturday night coming because there was an event that I would like to attend, he said yes that would be fine. He phones everyday to speak to the kids and one day this week I had left my phone in my bedroom and when I checked it I had several missed calls and a text message saying that because he hadn't spoke to the kids that he would not have them overnight on the Saturday as I had requested.
He is also starting to be awkward with pick up times with the kids, always used to pick them up at 10am, then it changed to 11am and now he has decided that he is now picking them up at 11.30am, I did confront him and explain that I would prefer he could pick them up at 11am to which his reply was "I am a good Dad, I am a busy man and I need to go to the gym and I am picking them up at 11.30am, regardless of what you think or want". What I hate and I'm ashamed of is that when I have any kind of conflict with him I end up shouting at the kids and I know its not their fault.
I know this seems really petty to argue over 30minutes but its just the fact that he picks and chooses when he has his kids so basically our lives and plans revolve around when he decides to have the kids. I'm just very frustrated that this man is going to be in my life forever, I'll never get him to see things from my point of view, I'm worried if my children are going to pick up his behavior and selfishly I want to fight back, I don't want to be his doormat but I have no idea what to do?
Hi Blackbird 1978... I hope
Control