The birthday cake and the turd

I was trying to explain traumatic bonding/CD to a girlfriend of mine last night. She is stuck in a terrible marriage with an N (probably a psychopath) -- her stories consisted of emotional abuse, physical abuse and rape... and humiliation of her two young boys (one that is still nursing and the N locked her in a closet to prevent her from doing so b/c HE thought is was time to wean). She won't leave. She just can't seem to get over this 'connection' they had/have... and I came up with the following metaphor for what a "relationship" is like with an N.

That is, in the beginning of your N relationship, your N served you up a giant piece of birthday cake. N says: go ahead, honey, take a bite it is sooo delicious! And you do; and it is! In fact, it tastes just as you imagined that cake would taste. But then, just as you're finishing up that lovely slice of cake, he turns to you and says, "Now eat this giant turd, baby." And you're like, what?? And he says, "It's time to eat the turd now." Red flags go off, but we ignore it because we're so hungry. We're hungry for love. So, we eat the turd. It's awful. It makes us choke. We think, this isn't right. He shouldn't do this. He says, look, here! I've got another piece of birthday cake for you, baby, it's not your favorite, it's actually kinda stale, but it is cake, right? Eat up!" And you're so relieved that you don't have to eat another turd, you dive in. And MAN! It's even BETTER than the first slice. That's because your system is trying to get over the shock of the turd you just ate. Your taste buds are singing now that you have cake in your mouth! If you were just getting cake everyday, all day, you'd never think it tasted THAT good. In fact, you might feel you don't HAVE to eat the cake at all.

This is how I felt with my N relationships, so relieved that the pain would stop that the good times felt twice as good. In fact, a stable, loving, trusting relationship won't have the highs of an N, but then again, you don't have to eat shit.