The birds, bees, and fairy tales!

Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees
And the flowers and the trees
The moon up above
And a thing called love

Let me tell you 'bout the stars in the sky
And this girl and the guy
The way that they kiss
On a night like this

When I look into your big brown eyes
It's so very plain to see
Well, it's time that you leaned about the facts of life
Starting from A to Z

And then back it goes...

a circle, a song, a symbol, a commercial enterprise, and an attachment to some imagined idea that can entice us single folk into feeling alone, unloved, unworthy, and afraid...all rolled into the 14th of February!

Bullshit to old ideas, I say!

People who are looking for a "completion" through a union...need to dig deep to see what is missing inside of themselves. That takes gonads, balls, chutzpah, courage...whatever you want to call it. It takes a desire to get down to the roots and conditions that landed your ass in this position in the first place. Most people turn away from such a seemingly daunting challenge. I think maybe I took to this road only because I simply was out of new ideas. I tried a couple of old ones early in recovery and they didn't work...distraction only distracts for so long. A surrender took place inside of me that created an attitude of willingness. A willingness to explore inside of me.

We have all been handed an excellent opportunity to re-evaluate ourselves, and our lives so far. We wouldn't be here if we didn't have the capacity to grow through it. After being handed my personal devastation, entering into a new relationship would have been like putting a band-aid on an amputated limb.

It is an awesome learning opportunity for those of us who seize it. And if you stay here awhile, you will see those who fixate on having a relationship, and they leave quickly to live their lives...I can think of many who lived on this site for days and weeks, just to mention in passing that they had met someone new, and they vanish.
I believe most of them will fall back asleep for years or decades, having learned nothing of themselves...which I have found to be the real purpose of my experience.

This is starting to feel like a rant, and I don't mean it that way at all. I really wish I could grant to all of us here the understanding that if you walk this path with the purpose of truly getting to know yourself, you will get to know yourself...and you will be amazed at what you have settled for, and how long you have settled for it. No human being is worth giving up the priceless gift of sanity for! In order for that to make sense, we must have experienced sanity. That is what recovery is for...to get back to a life that is sane and healthy. We all have experienced insanity, hence we are here! But my experience is that being active and responsible for my own recovery, and exploring many new avenues of spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional growth, I have a life defined by my own effort...with God's divine guidance, of course. My life is so much bigger, and so full of substance and worth. I'm not who I want to be yet, but I am damn sure not the person that I was when I landed here.

Maybe we don't come in here knowing how to take care of ourselves...and maybe that is why we selected a disordered as a mate. Maybe we thought we could take care of them...and maybe they seemed so ready to be open (mirroring, projection, idealization) to our love and our caring natures...and we maybe we let ourselves get devoured by those relationships. I think that was part of my story. There just isn't enough space in my head to learn how to take of me with all that chaos and confusion around that a disordered one brings to the table. I let myself get lost in the dysfunction...but I am Done sourcing!

ds