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Betraying my own soul

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#1 Dec 9 - 1PM
apple
apple's picture

Betraying my own soul

Whenever I think about him~ even in the last part of our
non-relationsship, he was being so sweet~ The mere thought of him and even responding to anything he had to say felt like a betrayal to my own soul.

You guys inspire me everyday to want better for myself. I am so much happier since I found this site. It's still an ongoing process but I feel like I'm getting my life back.

Just wanna say~ I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! =)

Feb 12 - 8AM
JRB123
JRB123's picture

Ditto!

Ditto - big love and hugs to you all. Your posting is lovely and heartwarming. I felt like I lost my soul to the N, I literally felt like it was taken from me. Then after some serious soul searching it is slowly coming back to me again. This time I am going to hold on tight to it! Good luck with recovery to everyone.
Feb 13 - 2AM (Reply to #18)
apple
apple's picture

Big love and hugs to you JRB123!!!!!!!!

I hope you are healing!!! It does get better!!! xoxoxoxo
Feb 12 - 7AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

cherry blossom

your words are well put,I too love your expression," betrayal of our souls, because in essence that is exactly what it was and a reminder to never let it happen again.
Feb 13 - 2AM (Reply to #14)
apple
apple's picture

Hey Thanks onwithmylife

How are you doing now sweety?
Feb 13 - 6AM (Reply to #16)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Cherry Blossom

thanks for asking, much better but it is 2 years out on Valentines Day, will never forgot when he moved away and it all came crashing down, i believe he knew i was on to him at that point.Hard to believe so much time has passed but i guess i need that for my recovery. there is still sadness of what could have been but that will be a while before it totally passes into my memory bank.You sound like you are doing well and happy for you1
Feb 13 - 6AM (Reply to #15)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Cherry Blossom

thanks for asking, much better but it is 2 years out on Valentines Day, will never forgot when he moved away and it all came crashing down, i believe he knew i was on to him at that point.Hard to believe so much time has passed but i guess i need that for my recovery. We are the old timers on the board now!there is still sadness of what could have been but that will be a while before it totally passes into my memory bank.
Dec 11 - 6PM
Journey
Journey's picture

getting my life back

I feel like I have made leaps and bounds getting my life back since I found this site and began posting! Even though I'm a bit further down the road of recovery than many on this site, I also find it is helping me immensely whenever I can help any of you by my experience - even just a little bit. It may have been a betrayal to my own soul for trying to love him and often putting his needs before my own, but at the time, it seemed like his needs were way more needed than mine. I didn't know any better then and now that I do, I pledge to honor my own soul now! Journey on...

Journey on...

Dec 11 - 6AM
Ava
Ava's picture

cherryblossom

Wow, your phrase "betraying your own soul" has really struck me. I've been realising recently on & off that I feel something similar; realising just how much I lost myself / sold myself out in the relationship with the exN. It really hits hard but at the same time its like I'm finally seeing myself again. This site sure is a wonderful place isn't it? :) Ava xx

Ava

Dec 11 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
apple
apple's picture

I know Ava!!!

It really is a betrayal to our own soul keeping contact with these guys after they have been so effing mean. lol If i love the divine more than myself than I will keep NC!! Because I do believe I am one of God's creatures. I know that probably sounds weird. Hope you are doing well sweetheart!!!
Dec 11 - 7PM (Reply to #6)
Ava
Ava's picture

Cherryblossom! It really is!!

Your phrase describes it so damn well! It really does! And its something I know I'm going to hold in my mind for any time in the future that exN contacts me or I get an urge to contact him. It doesn't sound weird at all - quite drastically the opposite for me in fact. Your thoughts are really resonating with me & I truly feel this is going in my arsenal of reasons why to stay NC! Thank you so much for putting it so perfectly! :) Hope you're doing well too :) xoxx Ava xx

Ava

Dec 11 - 7PM (Reply to #7)
apple
apple's picture

Yay Ava!!!

I'm so glad!!!! It's gonna be a long hard battle to fight for ourselves but I know we will come out on top!! You're doing Amazing!!!!!!! xxA
Dec 11 - 8PM (Reply to #8)
Ava
Ava's picture

Oh cherryblossom, thank you!!

You're wonderful words & your obvious strength have given me a super boost in believing that, that yes we will indeed come out on top. I've just had a little sob of relief & then a giant big grin! Thank you!! You are amazing! :) xxo Ava xx

Ava

Dec 11 - 11PM (Reply to #9)
apple
apple's picture

Ava!!

I'm sooooo glad!! =) i can tell your an awesome person and I'm really glad you found this site (and us) =) When I first joined, I really had NO HOPE and I thought I was TOO FAR GONE (lost in him). But that was SO not the case. If you ever need a friend outside the bord let me know and I will see if Betty can give you my facebook address. Keep telling yourself you deserve better than this (You truly do) Eventually you will start to believe it. Keep up the good work! xxA NCNCNCNCNNCNCNCNCNCNNCNCN
Dec 12 - 6PM (Reply to #10)
Ava
Ava's picture

Cherryblossom :)

Thank you so much!! I cannot even begin to describe how unbelievably glad I am that I found this site. I've only been here a few weeks & it has changed everything for me! I do still have days where I think I'm just broken & will never be able to change that but being able to come here now has been my absolute lifeline & I don't think I've come online once yet without having at least one big grin & one set of tears [happy, heart-warming tears] every time I'm here. I have never had anything near such support & understanding in my whole life & it absolutely blows me away every single time I'm here. You are absolutely amazing cherryblossom. And your post again has made me smile & cry - I simply cannot describe these feelings. I would love to have friendship outside board!! Only thing is I'm a bit of a techno-dinosaur & am not on Facebook.... Hmm. Sigh. !! :) xxxxoxoxxxooo Ava xx

Ava

Feb 12 - 3AM (Reply to #11)
apple
apple's picture

double post!

Sorry
Dec 9 - 4PM
Godhasaplanforme
Godhasaplanforme's picture

sometimes when I think of

sometimes when I think of cheating on NC, I immediately think how much I'd be letting my friends on this forum who beleive in me down. I hate to think of that post I'd write, I broke NC, the digust I'd feeel.. As sad as this sounds, you guys are the friends who really understand me right now And accept me unshaved, unwaxed, unthreaded, unblowdried, in my sweats, eating sloppily while I post another depressing song :) My love again to everyone here, you're saving souls
Dec 9 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Eat salad

Since we do care, maybe try eating a salad. Losing 20lbs isn't easy either:) and NC for u too! The sweats and hair .... Ok for now. Be strong!
Dec 9 - 4PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

We have been in your shoes

We have been in your shoes, the guy, the sweetest in the world, thinking he was or could not be capable of such slander, lies, deceit, maniuplation to adults, bosses, to his own children. Serious stuff. Not to be messed with. They have alot of problems. Ones I can't fix.