The best kind of NC

I think you can't generalize here. What works for one person might not work for another. When I chose to go NC 10 months ago I left all communication channels open, just chose not to respond to 95% of his attempts of contacting me. Over time I saw more and more that he was not the right guy for me and so it became easier. It was also easier because he wasn't hoovering too much since there was an OW, so there was barely any contact. I know that I won't be tempted anymore to contact him at this point because I have no desire for him anymore (it was a whole different story a year ago), so I didn't block him on Facebook, just restricted him so he can't really see what I'm doing. I also did not delete his number from my cell-phone because I want to see if it is him who is calling so I won't pick up. I have blocked him on various online-chats because that's where he would contact me constantly whenever we were both online and I need to be online on those because of other people. This works for me but I am sure it doesn't work for everyone. I think what is most important is that over time you realize that his "nice" personality was essentially fake, and that ultimately there is nothing that you can love about a person like that

I am new to the forum, just discovering it while trying to make sense of the mess of the last few years of my life in a relationship that ended last month, with no closure, and the discovery of an OW (who he swears is 'crazy' and just 'obsessed with him' and not his lover). I just want to say what a treasure this forum is to discover, how reading the comments does not make me feel alone with these thoughts and stuggles, and how liberating it is to find out that there is a real formula to the way Ns act and react. No contact is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and while I've tried to delete any doors that he may open, it's very difficult. Trying to see this as an addiction, cutting off communication 'cold turkey' is hard. I wish I could offer suggestions but I feel as confused about NC!

im at 10weeks nc and i can tell you it brings a great sense of peace and healing when you go 100% nc i actually have found that i cant think of a single reason i liked him let alone loved him why or what i miss about him and i got the chance to extensively look at how i was treated in the three years and heal from that and get angry and cry and go through the motions im only ten weeks but i am going to keep going it is hard it is i can promise once you FULLY go into self care you will begin to relaize you dont care a toot for him anymore in anyway

This is the best post I've seen on No Contact actions yet. YOU GO GIRL! THAT IS STRENGTH! Don't listen to your sister, she doesn't know what you are up against so has no clue. It's like a single person trying to give parenting advice...they are well intentioned but have no clue and think things are so easy. If you can do it, and I understand if you are not strong enough yet because I was there as well, block his email address and change your phone number NOW. Just seeing his name come into your email or phone, even if you don't read/listen to it, is going to set off obsessions in your head that will set back all the good healing you'll be able to do between now and when he sends it. And if you don't open/listen it, you'll wonder what it says. If it is something positive, it's a lie and you'll be tortured. If it is negative, you'll be crushed and you'll be tortured. Spend time writing a list of all the things he did/said so you can refer back to it when you are weak so you build strength to stay away...time has a way of making us forget the bad things and that does NOT work in our favor with Narcs. Also by blocking and changing numbers now, the positive mind game you can play in your head is that he HAS contacted you and you can imagine his shock that YOU moved on, that YOU are not pining away waiting for him to come back and accept crumbs. And he won't believe that YOU or any woman would be able to walk away from the greatness that is him (gag, spittle, barf). And let's face it, YOU will probably be the ONLY woman in his past that has had the courage and balls to do that. Doesn't that make you smile? :)

I dont agree with your sister, in so-much-as, we all have diffrent ways of handling things.... I think its best to do what you have, close down everything that may be a temptation..... It is not about controlling your self, so much as this is a clean break you are making, and a very brave one..... I congratulate you on this BIG STEP YOU ARE TAKING... If you were dieting, would you have a BUNCH OF CAKES IN THE HOUSE TO TEMPT YOU TO BREAK THE DIET....NO OF COURSE YOU WOULDNT....SO YOU HAVE DONE THE RIGHT THING FOR YOU....GOOD LUCK..

I'm very fresh off my breakup with my N--but as soon as it happened, I deleted his phone from my cell phone, deactivated my facebook. I set up his e-mails to go to SPAM (but I still checked my spam folder yesterday and found an e-mail!) I have not blocked him permanently from my Ichat list either. I think it is worse when you leave a little crack open. It makes you feel "hopeful" he might still contact you and regret all he did to you (and even if he does, it'd be a LIE.) Anyway I SHOULD TAKE MY OWN ADVICE!