Best Advice For A "Newbee"

You said: I am VERY new to this and it has only been 10 days since I caught N husband with "new supply" and then I filed for divorce the next morning. He tried to lie, but I told him to save his breath-I was done. Learn about this disorder...he may try to get you to renig...learn, read, research...they have this craziness down to a science and if we don't know their game we're screwed. I really admire you taking the bull by the horns, but this may very well hit you down the line you sound pretty strong, but I don't think it's all registered in that you know but you don't own all of it yet...just file this info just in case... The next day he sent me a LONG email, telling me how HE was done because I don't trust him-WOW!!! blame, smoke mirrors, projection, assholiness... I said,"Whatever dude, I already filed for divorce, so us being done was established then, I was done!" Good Job! However, he contacted me 3 days ago about a concert! (not about getting back together, but I thought-- WTF???). That's exactly the reaction he wanted...they play mindgames. I did not respond and will not get back with a liar and cheater, but what advice do you have for not "romanticizing" things. He did a ton of sweet things for me and lots of gifts and we traveled. I want to forget about those things and focus on the subtle devaluing that has taken place over the past few months. Read, Research, share and learn more and it will become clear and you will be able to spot his manipulatons, and they will come. Get ready for a ride... The day before I busted him, we had THE BEST day we have had in over 3 months and he gave me 2 VERY WELL thought-out gifts and said he wanted to "work on our marriage." Lies, Charm, Manipulation all a part of it...keep you in the dark... Sorry I'm rambling-just trying to wrap my mind around this craziness!! You sound really sane. So sane you have me wondering if its hit you yet. Stick close to the board. Hugs!

Focus on the road ahead you will be ok..

Sorry to have you go through this craziness, but you do sound incredibly strong! he is being totally defensive and crazy trying to turn it around on you - ridiculous! Even though you are strong, be prepared to go through alot of different and surprising emotional stages as you recover from this madness. He did not try to take you down because you are strong - they do this because this is what they do - to all of us, strong or weak. The cheating and lies is their gig. I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around being able to dump 12 years (my ex N) and just go party with the next case! hang in there and believe in yourself - congrats on the quick reaction - i would have been paralyzed by it...

The next day he sent me a LONG email, telling me how HE was done because I don't trust him-WOW!!! WTF?? Are you kidding me?? It honestly blows my mind how they try to turn EVERYTHING around to be OUR fault! Even when you catch them red-handed they can't take responsibility for it! It's so SICK! I remember getting so frustrated and thinking I was crazy trying to explain to my Narc why it WAS NOT my fault. He never listened of course. Sick bastards!

The next day he sent me a LONG email, telling me how HE was done because I don't trust him-WOW!!! WTF?? Are you kidding me?? It honestly blows my mind how they try to turn EVERYTHING around to be OUR fault! Even when you catch them red-handed they can't take responsibility for it! It's so SICK! I remember getting so frustrated and thinking I was crazy trying to explain to my Narc why it WAS NOT my fault. He never listened of course. Sick bastards!

you sound strong and No contact is the only way to go, being with the EXNarc for 15 years,not married, thank god or he would have tried to take my money I know for sure, took me many times to stop trying to contact him,he is such a sick fu****, i sent him a card thinking he had cancer which i had heard and got back a nasty rageful letter telling me to leave him alone, what a creep, not even a thank you for thinking of me, the cancer scarce turned out to be a misdiagnosis by a doctor.He should be by himself, he has hurt too many women and his own children with his disgraceful behavior.now he can be by himself and be the person he really is, subhuman monster

Welcome Mell!! Sorry to hear that you are going through this. =( My best advice... I learned from this site is to always watch your back and be aware of any "NEW TACTICS" His tactics WILL change. He will mostt likely do whatever he can to keep you. Its really all about power and control. I heard from someone once and I can't remember who or what it was word for word but... What do you do if your dog escapes from your yard? YOU BUILD A HIGHER FENCE!!!!! And lastly, I would be so much further along if I just would have gone NC when I first found this site. But I kept going back and hoping he would change. Of course he didn't. Hang in Girly!! You already sound super strong and good for you for not putting up with anymore B.S. xoxo