Bella's Story

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#1 Nov 20 - 9PM
Bella
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Bella's Story

Where to start...........10 months of hell

Let's see we met originally in 1994 he was 21 I was 28. I had a 3 year old son, he had none, never wanted any we were off and on until 1999 when I asked him if he saw himself falling in love with m, he said no. I changed my phone number, moved and met a great man and married in 2002. Fast forward 2007, mom diagnosed with heart failure, brother in a coma following a motorcycle accident, me diagnosed with breast cancer, my house in jeopardy of foreclosure, going through a divorce from husband # 2 I happen to run into him twice in a matter of 2 weeks, it had been 3 years since we last spoke or saw one another. He was into classic cars, I had one he had one, my son was older now 16, we were both older the attraction was still there.. .and so the nightmare would start.

We started dating officially August 2007, things were awesome, felt like a dream that we were a couple.. he took me on a cruise, weekends away, called me beautiful, asked me to and my son to move in with him January 2008, which I said no to, bad timing but someday. He was by my side through my radiation treatments, made me laugh, kissed my scars, loved me. Things felt good. April of 2009 the night before my surgery we go to dinner with my son and my son's friend... dinner would end up being very uncomfortable with him probing the boys about what they did for work, as my son had moved out, on and on he was always nosing into others business. When we left the restaurant I was scolded like child for not reprimanding my now 18 year old son at dinner.. Now again it is the evening of a big surgery in the morning.. I was pissed and said I will have my friend take me in the morning, he made up some crap about me being the bad one and so on but he was taking me so he did. I came out of surgery only to hear him complaining about how long he had to sit there, his back etc.. he took me to his house to recoup but he was livid with my son so he didn't comfort or hold me all night and by morning I just wanted to go home, he allowed me to carry all my things out of his house, as he watched, I wasn't supposed to carry more than 5 lbs. I drove home to an empty house, no food so I had to go shopping all alone.. First bad situation.. he would feel his way of guilt a couple of days later and come get me from my house, stop by the store ask me what I wanted or needed, bought me flowers.. okay he was trying, right...?? Things got back on track.. However it would only be a few months until complete turmoil would set in. July 2009, my son's roommate, yes the one he hated and a mutual friend of my sons would be playing with a gun, it goes off killing the friend in front of my son who laid on a couch fighting a migraine telling the boys to not be retarded there were also 3 other kids present. The friend 19 died instantly, my sons roommate, the hated kid is now in prison, complete stupid accident. My son needless to say was never the same. My son began using drugs and developed a very bad addiction. I was informed of this and asked him to move home, this would create even more problems with him and I as I was to move in only a few weeks prior to the shooting. So he started pulling away, I didn't really blame him I guess at the time, who would want me, I had breast cancer, I lost my home, my income was going way down, my son is now an addict.. so I thought wow, I am lucky he is hanging on with me... In August of 2009 I was going to Florida, my son and I stopped by his new car shop he had opened, and all hell would break loose, he would tell my son that he shouldve stopped the shooting and my son was in shock, I wanted to know the hell out of him, my son had just witnessed something horrific what the hell was he thinking?? So my son being the bigger man.. walked away to the door to our car.. He yelled at my son, get back here and talk to me about this like a man...my son told him to quit acting like a bitch.. (not the best thing to say) but at least he walked away.. we get in the car, my son says mom turn the car around I am okay I want to talk to him.. I though holy cow that is pretty grown up ...well he would end up telling us both off and then telling us to leave his shop now!! So, now my son and I are in Florida... he had not contacted me in nearly 2 weeks. He and I would began our first series of many very harsh fights via email. I returned back home 2 weeks later, called him and told him I needed to pick my things up, He had a lot of my stuff as again I was only weeks away from moving in. So I picked them up and drove off.. I would receive an email the next day, sorry about us not working on and on..and I would fall for it all and the beginning of Sept 2009 we would be a couple again. My mom past away September 15th, 2009 he oddly enough would happen to call right as I was driving to my mothers home, my son found her right after she passed, not what my son needed. He would be kind, caring and let me know he was showering and whatever I needed he would be there... I said nothing only that I want to be with you tonight, he said absolutely. I will make sure the house and sheets are clean for you.. He was loving, held me, it was nice. Things were okay for a bit.. Until Thanksgiving 2009, where I knew I wanted to spend the day just my son and I cooking, he was now back home, living in our house trying to get the bank to work with us on our loan in order to keep it. So since I didn't invite him, because he said he couldn't be around my son, remember the blow out at his work, well that was the last time they would see one another.. would I be comfortable having them both together, hell no.. plus after everything my son was experiencing I just wanted a quite , us day. He breaks up with me Nov 2009, the day after Thanksgiving, he is done. So I cry, I leave, he called me to his house to tell me. I delete him, his family off Facebook and of course the next day he sends me an email.. I really wish we could've found a way blah, blah blah... I no contact him for a couple of months, he even calls me on Valentines day?? leaves a msg.. thinking about you... so like an idiot after email, phone conversations, we give it another shot in March 2010, I would now leave my son, his addiction, that he at the time wanted no help with, move to my own one bedroom place only a few blocks from him in April 2010 to escape the madness, but in the back of my mind I wanted a relationship with this moron again?? Go figure.. So a relationship is what I got. In February 2011, I moved in with him finally, he was awesome.. he had planted my favorite flowers in his yard, folded all my clothes, stared at me constantly, told me how happy he was I was there with him finally, talked about remodeling his home, he was happy, as for me.. I cried myself the first night at his house..?? I missed my son, he had stayed with me for 2 weeks prior to me moving, I knew he was wanting to get help now with his addiction and he was now living with my brother, my twin. But I wanted to be the one to help him, I wanted my son with me. I felt ripped between and addict child now 20, a man who if I didn't move in with soon he would leave me, oh big loss there.. just to dumb to see if then.. Well, my son's addiction was getting worse and worse, phone calls from my brother were non stop during the day while I was at work, I cried.. he and I would be out at dinner or a movie and my brother would call or text non stop.. I felt like I was dying inside, and the best part.. couldn't tell the N anything, my son, the loser in his eyes, I hid my phone, I struggled to get through my day, I had to hear from my son all day ever day and text msgs... it was getting unbearable to say.. a few incidents later, him pulling my treadmill up into an upright position with a bunging cord, without asking, he and I having words about his dog who he neglected horribly, he would lash out at me, why cant I take her to the vet?? even though now he owned his own business, made time for lunch with friends everyday, never once with me even though I worked 2 blocks away, joke I would finally get strong enough and tell him I am done and moving out July 2011. I was very direct, blunt.. he insisted he move all my things that night to his garage, he told he I couldn't stay with him, give him back his garage door opener and so I left and went to my girlfriends house and felt like a ton of bricks were lifted off my chest, I even was able to talk to my son for the first time in months at 10 pm, I could take his call and not have to feel worried about it. what a relief..He left me alone for one month and a half then sent his first email... hey, we didn't do anything that bad to one another, hope we can say hi if we ever run into one another?? I didn't reply.. One week later a 8 paragraph email , I am sorry in his own F'd up way.. and I would gave.. however we would only correspond via email for the next month or so . we finally ended up fighting again, he didn't get me , I didn't get him.. I don't communicate, on and on.. In December 2012, I found Christmas ornaments his mom made so there was my excuse to contact him.. In January 2012, this would start the worst 10 months quite possibly of my life.. He sent me a text asking to go to dinner, I did and it would first time we were intimate in 6 months, he asked me to stay the night afterwards, and woke up to my convertible top having knife cuts all over it.. So I got in and drove off. Told him about it, he never offered to pay for it , I had so many suspicions that night.. but I didn't want to upset him by asking so I shut my mouth.. Feb , valentines day, I get a text saying, Happy day, that's it. March my b day, dinner and of course staying the night, things still very awkward, April Easter, dinner at my place, with my SON holy cow.. they were good around one another. May his b day. , me dressed up, homemade dinner, his favorite dinner.. felt like he could give crap or not if I was at his place. June, shitty, July even shitter.. August.. the begin of the now 2nd, 3rd, or more end... Lets see my car is repossessed, really rough year financially.. he offers the use of his car, I decide to bug a car from a friend for cheap, after all he is a car guy right, well the nightmare would begin. The car was crap, he spent 140.00 on parts, 60 on gas to bring it home in his trailer. I decide after he sends me home with it after not driving it or anything and it breaks down that it was a bad decision and I am going to sell it... so here it goes:: I am rude, unappreciative, took advantage of him, he even called me a Crotch, yeah. not the other version of it as I despise tha word, he actually said crotch!! Holy moly I was in shock... but was he right? I felt horrible... I was respecting is busy schedule and was honestly trying to figure it out, make things easier and not depend on him.... He quit talking to me for early on week. Then we talk blah blah blah.... then I sell it, he finds out I did one night before I told him and goes ballistic... Calls me ,... would've been nice to be paid back for what spent... again no more than 200.00 oh but I took his shop time.. one day and a half, the half day I helped him work on it. so a total of 8 hours... he told me once again was rude, used him etc.... I was at a loss of words... He said I am hanging up and not talking to you anymore tonight.. then he would not call or talk to me period for over one week.... I decided to write him a somewhat nasty note and include a 100 dollar bill... drive to his shop and I did. only to get a text saying how horrible I was on and on and on ....Now after several rude emails, being belittled, chastised, told I was not intellectually capable of holding conversations etc... I finally had enough two weeks ago and changed my phone number and deleted bot email accounts he had of mine.. So what does he do.. sends me a friend request on facebook, the first time in 3 years, and an email that says: guess this is the only way to get a hold of you, it seems odd that you mentioned wanting to try something new, which I did a few days prior.. I wanted us take a break and sorta start over at some point, wipe the past clean.. he then says... although it hurts it would be nice to give you a hug and tell you that I love you and the we weren't going to work out. I respond like an idiot only to be made like everything between us is my fault, and how he resents me for a ton of crap.... I responded back by saying: I am not going to address anything you wrote. I am done with our negative emails and the bantering stops for me now. I also said I am learning to laugh it all off, requires so much less energy.. oh and my subject line read: all smiles... I also made a joke at the end... GAVE HIM MY NEW PHONE NUMBER and told him to have a good day.... So now that I am caught up to the here and now. . It will be one week this Friday since we last emailed one another. Yesterday I was sad, missed him, missed him??? I was married like I said earlier twice... both husbands were so good to me. first one we were way too young, my sons father, the second one, like the internet and porn and I lost feelings for him.. but never in all of my life have I ever taken any crap from a man. till HIM... I am now thinking he is my Karma, my punishment for not appreciating a good man, two good men.. ugh... In addition I was also told: when I took 9 months of work following my breast cancer, my mom dying, my sons situation that I took the easy way out, prior to moving in with him he said, make sure you are making enough where if something happens you can move out, just being realistic he said... Oh and lately he said: I am sure you will find a guy that brings you flowers and looks good in your girlfriends eyes, but he will probably be cheating on you?????.. So here I am and there is so much more but I have been typing for awhile now and I just need to be done... I feel crazy, wrong, he loved me, he was good to me,,,,he will find another girl and love her and she will be perfect..oh let me mention... I am his only long term 5 year relationship ever. He lived with another woman years ago for less than a year I believe, never had any serious relationship other than less than one year and me...He will be 40 in a few months...... My friends tell me get over him...he is toxic...why do I constantly feel sick when I picture him with anyone else?? And that part of our relationship, the worst partner intimately I have ever had as well.. I was very attracted to him, more so than anyone ever in my life... but in that area...not so good either.... Okay well any advice...suggestions... anything I did wrong... let me know I am dying to know...

Nov 21 - 5AM
Hunter
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