Believeinshawn's story
Believeinshawn's story
I'm now 38, got with my ExN in 1990 when I was 17, he was a month shy of 15. He was charismatic, funny, social, very handsome, strong and muscular, a real take charge kind of guy... if only I had trusted my instinct, and my mom. Before long, I started realizing the Jekyll and Hyde behavior, but since I knew he was abused by his father, I really believed if I loved him hard enough, he would realize it, and love me back. He did make me feel important, the way he controlled me and spoke to me made me feel cared for. I'd never seen or been involved with ANYONE who was abusive mentally or physically before... my guts KNEW it, but my heart wanted to love him.
We had a son in 1994. I'd heard he had been cheating on me while I was in college (he had 2 years of HS left when I went to college), but when our son was 9 mo. old, I started hearing he was cheating with this one girl (who we'll call "SLICK"--because he is currently married to her now, and that is his nickname for her!) Anyway, i moved out, then after 3 months moved back in. then we ended up moving to NE. He cheated on me with 12 girls that I found out about from 1994-2008 when I moved out. I was consistently discovering phone calls, then emails when we got a computer and the internet, or the girls would call or come over looking for him... I stayed because I loved him, thought he'd change at first... then I stayed because of the kids. in 2000, he raped a friend of mine i worked with. He only admitted to having sex with 2 of the girls. i've been called a cock blocker, i 've been told: "they were just f*cks, get over it!" I don't do it anymore. i've caught him ordering porn on direct TV, he of course blamed it on his friends (who by the way, NEVER came over)... also it was always ordered just before 3pm, when the kids were set to get home about 3:45pm. (like he was trying to get caught?) When i found that someone was searching for animal porn, and teens, he blamed it on our kids who were about 5 and 8 at the time.
I sampled moving out in 2003, but quickly realized that I needed to be more emotionally prepared for it. I moved in with my dad, and i woke up twice to ExN in bed with me naked, because my dad LET him in!!!!he stole the money I took from savings out of my drawer while i was in the shower once, and I didn't realize it until i moved back home. he started using the kids who were about 9 and 6 at the time. he forced us to go to church in the crisis time... soon as i moved back in, that stopped.
He was physical with me a few times. Choked me while I was driving and pulled my emergency brake while our son was in the back seat-- driving fast around a corner! He put a knife to my throat once, asked me what i'd do if he cut me. he pointed a loaded gun at my face, and smirked. he shot me with a BB gun in front of our kids. he always tried to scare me while he was driving by going too fast and too close behind other drivers. He spit on me, held me down and hurt me. threw me once and i landed upside down on my shoulders.. had to go to the chiropractor daily for a whole week. He beat the kids with a belt, naked until they had black welt marks from the middle of their back to their knees (because they wouldn't pick up sticks in the yard). i could go on and on.
He filed for divorce in Nov 07 and then proceeded to call "slick", and started an affair with her, but in the mean time was trying to convince me to stay with him. Also, i had started talking to one of his friends in march 07 because he had called to talk to exN, who was away working (he is a traveling boilermaker-- seldom home, when he is, there is no money coming in.) ExN found out.. then made me suffer for it.. I broke it off. Then he filed for divorce on me because I filed a restraining order on him b/c he kept telling me he would take the kids, and I'd never see them again. then in May, I found out he'd been talking to "slick", and her husband had known about it since Jan that year.He ran up a $2,000 phone bill talking to her while he was in Bermuda, then I found out he took her on a long weekend to a ball game in Baltimore. i moved our business , and then myself and the kids to my sister's house since I didn't have anywhere to live, and couldn't support myself. Then when he was back in town, he came and took the kids back home, and ended up telling them that I had cheated on him and left, so I'm a big POS, and that he had just MET "slick" and they were seeing each other! so he told them stuff to degrade me and make me uncredible when I try to defend myself.
It took til Dec 08 for me to gain temp custody because I had to get a new lawyer. Then in May 09, ExN got full custody b/c the kids talked to the judge and said they wanted to live with him in OUR house (because I left him everything)... and they lied about me saying i'm MEAN to them (which I have never been mean in my life) Then trial was in June 09. He got the house, both vehicles, he kept the boat that i got to have the $9k debt for, I had to pay my own legal fees, $15,000, and my $25K student loan. I have to pay $133/mo child support (he makes $85K and I end up with about $10K from my business I run by myself, no insurance, no paycheck) I ended up having to file bankruptcy, and when I lost the kids, could no longer afford my house that i got with HUD. i ended up moving in with the guy I was previously talking to. My kids won't come see me on my weekends. My youngest said he wishes I would die and he's glad I left him b/c he's happy where he is now.. he has "slick" now. doesn't need me. They blame me.
I found out I was pregnant in Jan 2010 just before our divorce was final. when he found out, the VERY next day, he was engaged to "slick", and they got married Sept 18th. My new son was born the 23rd. (convenient.).. and since then we've found out that "slick" has breast cancer, she had eggs harvested, ExN got his vasectomy reversed (if that is really true we don't know), and now she is having chemo.
there is so much more, but I felt like I needed to get the bulk of that out.
I am really depressed often because my sons believe TOTAL lies about me. i can't find anyone who has had their kids live 100% with 2 N's, one being "slick"... she sent an email to me a while back says: "I'll keep raising my 3 boys just as I've been doing, and you keep pretending you're a part of Z & Z's everyday life. They're better off now".. so I'm sure she is N also. I can't get through to them, because of him and her... I'm disgusted, sad, angry, vicimized, have wanted to die over the last 2 years... and sometimes I just can't handle the pain. If I didn't have this new baby, I'm not sure i really could stand it at all.
latest visit
latest visit
I read your story
Crazy I know.....
There has to be a way to fight it
Won't happen
OMG, My heart is breaking for
what I DO, do...
I must sound like a complete
in re:
actually, if it makes you
I'm happy for you
Believeinshawn
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