Becoming assertive and taking care of me

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#1 Jul 23 - 1PM
outoftheashes
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Becoming assertive and taking care of me

The whole experience with the N left me feeling bullied and so angry with myself. I put up with FAR more than I ever would have with anyone else. So the N was the person who took advantage of me the MOST but was certainly not the first.

I started to realize I have attracted mostly "takers" in my life. Takers of my time, my constant advice, my dependability, you name it. I have always been the one to listen and prop people up. I did it for my N, as a friend, for almost 2 decades.

After my complete humiliation with the N, I have felt like every fiber of my being is on red alert for anyone disrespecting or mistreating me. And so, after 3 months of NC and out of the fog, I started setting boundaries.

I began with saying no to a person who had a habit of treating me as a Voluntold instead of a Volunteer in a non-profit I work with. It happened at our board meeting and guess what? The other members came to my support after I had a meltdown over how much this person was asking me to do. They had no idea. Another release of being the silent sufferer.

A few weeks ago, I confronted a family member on his lying about something I had said. My knees were shaking as I called him out in front of the family. It was quite a scene and very out of character for me. This person had done this crap for YEARS and I took it and took it. I was told that now there could never be happy holiday get togethers because of what I had done. My response, "So it's better to sacrifice my feelings so everyone can have a happy holiday? That doesn't sound fair does it?' Another release of being the silent sufferer. And yes, the family is pissed at me. But I feel great about myself.

There is no GOOD that I'll ever get from the N. He'll never apologize, never admit to his wrongdoings, never wish me well. And I am certain in his rewriting of history (such a pro at this) it's all my fault.

But I refuse to not make something GOOD of this experience for myself. I will grow from this and come out better and brighter than I was before.

Jul 25 - 4PM
outoftheashes
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Quote

Aug 12 - 11AM (Reply to #12)
Trixy
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OOTA you rock!!

Jul 25 - 1AM
ZanShin
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Awesome

Jul 25 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
outoftheashes
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Had to laugh!

Aug 12 - 10AM (Reply to #10)
lmustang89
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Justifying, defending, explaining

Jul 23 - 6PM
ziggy
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:-D

Jul 23 - 6PM
SunshineandLight
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I can totally relate to how

Jul 24 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
outoftheashes
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Love this

Jul 23 - 3PM
Luckyescape
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Good for you

Jul 23 - 2PM
Janie53
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outoftheashes

Jul 23 - 2PM
spinning
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out of the ashes, I LOVE THIS

spinning

Jul 23 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
outoftheashes
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Thank you!