I've seen some posters say that the person they were involved with they knew the N had a gf or wife . I mean are we really victims or did karma come around on us?
I was just thinking about this again yesterday.
I slept with three married men when I was younger, and one when I was older, and I slept with other men when I was married. Is this my punishment? I find myself thinking, Oh, maybe the narc can't help the way he is--and then I excuse my own behavior the same way: "Oh, the first guy was a narc and a rat and seduced me. I was to young to know better. And the second guy told me he was going to leave his wife and that I was so beautiful and I was young and emotionally disordered and couldn't control myself. And who can blame me for cheating on my husband when he was cheating on me, hitting me, neglecting me and then forcing me to stay marriied to him?"
I was thinking about "Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone."
But after the one wife found out about us and was devastated, I was horrified and repentent and disgusted and sad. I confessed this stuff in Confession and went to therapy about it, etc etc.
But is it still karma? Is it really my own fault?
And not "just" regarding the codependence issue? Is it punishment?
Am I really that bad? Thoroughout my life I"ve been regarded as an exceptionally kind, loving, forgiving, generous person. Most of these situations occurred when I was being abused myself. Hell, ALL of them did. So what gives?
But an abuser is an abuser - I can't imagine anyone that deserves abuse.
Married, not married what's the difference? If he's married or has a girlfriend, he's abusing her too - no one is special...no one is immune.
So in terms of karma, no I don't think so - as certainly there were many manipulative maneuvers at play - narcs are professional con men period. We'd have to also sign up and believe that the wives or girlfriends were also in bondage to some karmic fate because they were with a narc.
I think to believe it's karma to have been abused is not helpful to healing, although like I said I have had that thought myself, until I had a nice talk with his ex wife and learned he held a big knife to her...I don't think she deserved that karma either.
I just think if I wouldn't have taken him back non of this would've happened. but one of the seven deadly sins took over and well here I am. wow wtf @ a big knife ...
if karma worked like that, the N's would be in major trouble
I was (and am) married when I got involved with my N. I think he picks married women on purpose. I left my husband as soon as I realized I was capable of being unfaithful. My N wasn't expecting that (in spite of making me promise we'd be together when his wife supposedly left him!)
Anyway, I know first hand that people can be married and grow apart. I'm not justifying what I did, but I just don't think karma works this way.
I think that is how karma works . I think that when people do things that they know are wrong then they backfire or come back around on that person. It comes back on the N's too but they don't realize or care because they have no feelings a person with no feelings is not going to comprehend karma. they're whole life is based on karma so they don't care. they feel like whatever bad is happening just replace it or project it off on someone else.
Yeah I think it came around on me too. Because in my situation I didn't know about her , he kept her a secret. But after I had told him to leave me alone and I didn't look at him in that way anymore. He used another narc tactic on me. He used her to get me jealous its like he would use alot of different tactics on me to see which one will work. So he called me and then revealed her and she wanted to talk to me I talked to her and told her everything. But something inside me was envious, jealous. When she mentioned marriage my feelings started slowly creeping back in. But he told me he wasn't coming and for a week NC. He called me and said he wanted to come making me think they had broken up. But he just left and didn't tell her anything. Now I'm in the same position but worse off . I've 2 kids by him now, he actually was staying here and cheating on me smh. I was the one who kicked him out but it still hurts me. karma is no joke. 2 weeks , 1 day NC still going strong.
I don't think it's Karma though because they play a game and suck you in before the whole truth unravels.
Once it unravels you're already "hooked" and all other kinds of things come into play.
In my case he was "legally" married but even the wife admitted they were not living together as husband and wife and then with all the "stories" he had me believing he was a Domestic Violence victim...talk about projection...humph!
In this type of scenario I don't think it's that cut and dry and I hope you are not beating yourself up...these Narcs are good at what they do.
They use triangulation - that is one of their key methods...with ANYONE...wives, girlfriends, children, family members...it's all chaos and generally they start out normal then slowly the chaos unravels and by the time you sense danger, you're already trapped in the web.
I think a situation with a Narc is a totally different animal...I am not one to intentionally go out and try to wreck a home believe me...but he presented with such a tale of woe...and for some reason brain damage kicked in and I said: "Poor baby, let me 'help' you"...either way, we are human and we make mistakes. I can't imagine a God that is pathological who would give us free will then slam us for being human...that would kinda be like a Narc...
Get rid of that thought. It happened, it is unfortunate, we have some work ahead of us, but in the end, I do believe we come out of this stronger, empowered, our self esteem improved and a new sense of self. That is not the end result of Karma...growth and enlightenment are on the horizon...LIFE happens.
Hugs!
Are we really victims?
I used to wonder the same thing...
I just think if I wouldn't
if karma worked like that,
I think that is how karma
findingmeagain
Yeah I think it came around
Findingme...
Thanks michelle because I did