Are they professional gypsies?

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#1 May 16 - 6PM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Are they professional gypsies?

one other thing I want to check in with you all on... Does your N go through lots of careers and jobs or are they stable in their careers? How frequently do they usually change jobs or are they "lifers" at their company? Do they have any lasting professional associations?

My N is a self employed consultant. But I would say that he changes companies about 1/year (or six months) and it has been that way for about 12 years. Now, I do that too, but I've had people working for me for about 12 years - the same ones, and have had many of the same clients for 4 - 6 years. He has never had anyone work for him and has not formed alliances with anyone, except for me in the past year.

What is yours like?

May 16 - 11PM
Janet
Janet's picture

Pretty steady work history

Pretty steady work history for the last 8 years -- just started working for Stanford U. Hospital (in medical billing). But, he talks a big game and when with him it seemed to make sense. But now, he would talk about running a major ski resort (like Squaw Valley) - now, I mean he like to ski but has been working in medical billing for 8 years. He got his MBA last year (thank you very much) and I think he thought that would just make it all happen. Now he is with a (disinherited) billionaire's step grand daughter and I am SURE that he is convinced that this will be his ticket to ?? um? Your guess is as good as mine. Oh, 10 years ago he was working for his fiance's father (they made speakers) when he got another girl pregnant. That ended his dreams of getting into the rock scene on some level. SO LAME. Peace. J

Peace. J

May 16 - 10PM
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

With no exaggeration...

My exN probaly had anywhere from 15 -20 jobs a year! He was a welder by trade so it was easy for him to quit a job & pick up another one! His excuse for changing jobs were: the job ended, they screw me out of my overtime money, these dumb asses don't know what they're doing, this job is a joke, but the most famous line was "they are paying more money over there!" He got bored very easily & had to be constantly on the move...What a loser!
May 16 - 8PM
NoNarcingZone
NoNarcingZone's picture

Professional Pariah!

My N held & lost jobs that didn't require him using his brain (warped as it is). Ex: Body building instructor. igures! His childhood friend told me that when they were room-mates, the N went through several jobs because he had a really poor attitude & was lazy. Hmmm. Possibly due to lack of work ethic & being amoral. He entered the military because he said it was easy money, doing easy work. But not for his country. This should've been a red flag - as he was quite 'old' (IMO) when he enlisted. No stability before this. The second red flag should've been the fact that his mom repeatedly commented (to me): "I don't know what "N" will do if he ever leaves the military. He doesn't know how to do anything. He has no job skills." Clearly this isn't the usual maternal BS supply she feeds him. Skills? Sure he does...Preying, Soul Sucking & Crazy Making. All of which he's verifiably skilled. Lest we forget...kill, steal & destroy. A Narc employer will find the N an impressive candidate. Better an employee - than a husband/mate. Ugh! Bet their resumes come complete with a cover letter & head shots.

-------------------------------------------
"Soldier, don't confuse your rank with MY authority!"

May 16 - 8PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Just the opposite of gypsy

Mine was a weirdly predictable and enmeshed one. He hated change. When his babysitter down the block sold her house, he moved her into an apartment building next door because she was going to move to the suburbs and he didn't want to get a new one. He remodeled a house on our street and it stood empty for two years because he didn't want to move. He stayed in a cramped little apartment rather than change. I was humiliated FOR him; everyone noticed how weird it was. He has a friend who owned a huge house in an affluent suburb and he would go over there all the time to swim in the pool and hang out; the N even had his own room. When his friend sold the house last fall, the N befriended the new owner and still has his key AND HIS ROOM THERE! That was one of the things he used to say about why we couldn't get married, live together or have a baby: because change freaks him out. However, he had no problem taking in a four-year-old foster child after having no children and living alone his entire life. The seemingly endless SUPPLY was worth it, I guess.
May 16 - 6PM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

his comfort zone......

mine was always self employed...always had been...he couldn't have any kind of supervision for anyone...including me, when he worked for me....and after i tossed him and he had to get a 'real' job...he would only work driving a shuttle bus or delivering pizza....something with ZERO supervision..... he had a very tight narcissitic space...which grew smaller as he got older....but once he was 'known' somewhere, like a neighborhood.....we started getting itchy to move on..... anywhere we ever lived,he kept to himself...and wanted me to do the same... he never ever wanted to meet the neighbors or know anyone...lest they come to know him..... he had no real friends...just some enablers he would try to recycle..... he was very much a lone wolf... “I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog
May 16 - 7PM (Reply to #15)
smileyfacepr
smileyfacepr's picture

LOL

Well, I was the one usually working, he would only keep a job 1-2 yrs and then move on but thru out his life I know he has moved living arrangements quit a bit and he too is a lone wolf,very quiet and to himself. Always gave a feeling of secrecy but I never caught him cheating..mayb he was just good at it!

smileyfacepr

May 16 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Narcs and philosophy

My ex-N considers himself a philosopher. So that explains (for him) the emotional vacancy and the mind games. He's very much a parrot,as Barbara has noted. He doesn't believe in thinking his own ideas, only repeating those of others. Philosophy thrives in community, and with criticism... things that Narcs typically dislike. Philosophy thrives on dialogue... something my ex-N has shown himself to be incapable of. He was a very rigid, unoriginal thinker.
May 16 - 7PM (Reply to #5)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

I agree about the Parroting, all they want is win attention

My exN parroted statements ALL THE TIME!!! It is like he had a canned response for everything! Like he had been through it before, like he had it scripted! "He was a very rigid, unoriginal thinker". I saw the mimicing to on to such a degree,,it was like he would imitate (to my total and complete confusion and frustration) others, ALL THE TIME. If he saw a girl in our office, with her shirt done in such and such a way, his shirt would be like that the very next day. It was like he was absorbing their energy, literally, like food, and projecting it out. His statments were canned. Like he a knee reflex reaction. He would quote commericals and TV shows to no end. He would morph into being their character.NBC "more colorful" well he would use that, and be "more colorful" or somehow work that into the drink he was drinking, the food he was eating, the phone he was calling on, the person he was seeing. He would project the image that he was the one that started it all....that "He was the one who was more colorful" again, all about domination. Taking credit. He had no original self, no real self, it was very scary and very confusing and frustating. Especially when you have to be business partners with these folks! ARRRRRRGGGHHH!! Help!
May 16 - 9PM (Reply to #12)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Mimicking mannerisms

Towards the end, when I was calling my ex-N out, he started mimicking me, REPEATING MY EXACT WORDS. He said it was to show how foolish I was. I told him it was disrespectful and to cut it out. He could mimic my mannerisms... and my friends found it,not teasing, but plain mean. My ex-N had a voice like a teenaged boy's--sometimes tenor, sometimes falsetto. He could sound incredibly delicate and feminine. I find it deeply ironic my ex-N was into philosophy... which depends on original thought, and all the skills that Ns and Ps are majorly awful in. I doubt my ex-N's name will be on the lips of students when they speak of Plato, Aristotle, Thomas Aquinas, Bertrand Russell, Wittgenstein, etc.
May 16 - 10PM (Reply to #13)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Susan32

Not an original thought in his head probably his entire life. Every single thought is about getting by, getting through, pulling off a lie or deceit.
May 16 - 10PM (Reply to #14)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

It would make a PEOPLE magazine cover

Ever since Ellen DeGeneres and Lance Bass came out on the cover of PEOPLE... I think there's a snowflake's chance in Hell that my ex-N will "come out" as human, weird, and with an original idea... He's under the delusion he's normal. None of his colleagues or students thought so. They thought he was as normal as a circus freak... one of the midgets, considering his shortness...
May 16 - 8PM (Reply to #11)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Mocking

My N would often do this creepy thing where he would literally mock everything I did. It was like being with a five year old. We'd be sitting on the couch and I'd try to talk to him about something serious, like a problem my daughter was having or something like that. He would just smile at me, his eyes would shine, and he would mimic my facial expressions--and sometimes I was really worried or frustrated or stressed--and he'd just be so amused. He would mimic my hands, my gestures, the way I held and moved my head, and even mock what I was saying, like a kid playing that game. And if you remember playing that game, the ENTIRE POINT OF IT is to make the other person mad, frustrated and upset. A 52-year old man and this is the way he comforted and supported his girlfriend when I was serioiusly worried or upset.
May 16 - 7PM (Reply to #6)
better off
better off's picture

Absolutely... always picking

Absolutely... always picking up on others' words, habits, phrases. He relied on the CASE method: Copy And Steal Everything I once wanted to say to him, the problem with you is...there is no you.
May 16 - 7PM (Reply to #9)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Copy And Steal Everything

That was my exN's operational moto for success. You are right. It was like they have no self, literally, shallow waters here, no self to dive into with them. Yuck...
May 16 - 7PM (Reply to #10)
better off
better off's picture

A mile wide and an inch

A mile wide and an inch deep...
May 16 - 7PM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

copycats

http://www.lisaescott.com/2010/01/28/pathological-child-prodigy-savant-human-behavior ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 16 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
better off
better off's picture

Oh, good, thanks for posting

Oh, good, thanks for posting that, I was just thinking of that article... c-r-e-e-p-y.
May 16 - 6PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

My exN has had a number of jobs....

My exN has had a number of jobs, but has moved around, he sent me his resume one time (don't know why,,wanted me to see where he worked I guess) and he had moved companies every 2-5 years. In our work, we have a number of clients we serve. I have heard that psychopaths also change "circles of friends" very frequently, based on what they can provide for him. What scares me is that we have ALOT of new hires at our work, so he is always scamming for new people to take advantage of. Very sad for those unsuspecting people...
May 16 - 6PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

My ex-N was pretty much a homeboy

When Barbara speaks of some Narcs/psychos as "unnaturally enmeshed with their parents",it's an understatement with my ex-N. He went to college where his father has been a professor/researcher/textbook author. He spent 7 years getting a master's degree at another university... and he did mention being a carpenter in the Sierra Nevada (and feeling sorry for himself) At a university not too far from where his parents lived, he took 3 years getting his Ph.D. When I met him,he was a prof at a small college and he's been teaching there ever since. His parents are living with him...and raising his kids.