Are they a Narc if they don't hoover?

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#1 Jun 15 - 1AM
Puzzle
Puzzle's picture

Are they a Narc if they don't hoover?

My dipshit N has not tried to contact me since we basically brokeup over text. He sent me a text after weeks of no contact saying "Is there any way we can pull this one out of the fire" (a typical cryptic way of saying can we makeup so I can have sex with you because I'm bored and desperate)
This was 4 weeks ago....

I wrote back saying he was acting like a douche etc etc....all I got was a barrage of abuse hurtled back at me and was told someone else could put up with my shit, I was a bitch etc....

Fast forward to present day, he has not contacted me except to say "happy birthday" in a text and that is all.

Every other time he has dumped me he has hoovered within 2 weeks.

I know it is a good thing but after 5 years, I just think WTF???

A part of me suspects he must have a new supply, either that or he can't be arsed too much effort etc.

Jun 15 - 5AM
Littleone
Littleone's picture

I agree with lobo, I honestly

I agree with lobo, I honestly think he's getting the feel that you are DONE DONE DONE! knowing your situation personally I honestly don't think narc features has secured a new supply just yet. You are getting his final D&D. You are too hard work now, you see through him. You are stronger than you were before. He can sense it, smell it. I like to think that although these narcs are predators, they are also prey. Their senses hone in danger of exposure and they run. He is not the strong one here, he is the weak link.
Jun 15 - 6AM (Reply to #5)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Let us prey

The concept of Ns as prey is alien to us here... especially when our experiences show otherwise. When the ex-Psych prof was parodied in the senior skit, he literally GOT UP and RAN OUT. He was in the front row, but he bolted out the door. When I had a polite conversation with his girlfriend, he ran out... leaving her abandoned. She had to go running down the stairs after him. I came to know his weaknesses in an exquisite way, and yes, I've exploited them. He ALWAYS ran if he sensed I was somehow laughing at him (he was so paranoid there were times I truly wasn't) That explains why I mocked him the last time I broke NC. He ran out of the senior skit. I should've known. Gives me reason to mock him for being a coward. And he could learn what "LOL" means (he's such an out of touch guy I had to explain slang to him, back in the day) Once I learned his weaknesses, I went straight for those.
Jun 15 - 5AM (Reply to #4)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

new supply

no hoovering = new supply.
Jun 15 - 4AM
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Narc Behavior

Part of the behavior of the narc from what I've read is the "discard." This means the royal blow-off as in NOT contacting you for a while. But he did throw out the Happy Birthday fishing line hoping for a bite. It might be Hoovering Lite, but it's still hoovering. *sniff, sniff* What's that I smell? Yep -- I smell a narc! Maybe he's finally getting the hint that you are DONE? I think he'll be back in full-on hoover eventually. As in, when the new supply dumps him. Sorry you're going through this! It sucks all around. {hugs}
Jun 15 - 2AM
dudette
dudette's picture

Puzzle

I think you are actually saying that he DID hoover.... and now he has stopped hoovering as they do, for probably all the reasons that you mentioned at the bottom of your post.... so in response to your original answer, I would say yes ( personal not professional opinion) and consider lucky that he has indeed stopped.... Theoretically, NC is also stoppping to wonder if/when they will hoover again. Because we make it so they should not be able to.... Take care Dx