Aquabella's Story

I have been married for 12 years to a wonderful, non-narcissistic man, but with whom I am not in love. I have been having an affair for 5 months with someone I suspect is a narcissist. He is also married, with a 6 year old son. He pursued me very aggressively at first via text messaging emailing and phone calls. The first time we met in person we couldn't keep our hands off each other and ended up having amazing sex. Here's where things begin to get weird...I notice him using his phone to take pictures of me during sex. I asked him to stop and to text or email me everything he took. He sent one photo then sheepishly admitted that the rest were videos?! I told him that I wasn't comfortable with that. He was very apologetic and said, I should have asked you first, I'm sorry, I just wanted to be able to see you while we're apart and I'll delete them all. I really began to feel very uneasy, but I stuffed it down, while he proceeded to charm the pants off of me, for the next 2 months. He asked me to hide my profile on the website on which we met and he said he hid his, that he didn't want to meet anyone else, he had met his soulmate. However, even during this honeymoon phase, there were still things about him that bothered me. He never seemed to know or care anything about the details of my life. He boasted a lot...about how smart he was, about how much money he made, how successful he was, his great sense of humor, how hot he was, how good he was in bed, blah blah blah...

Then one day in late October, he asked me to come to his house. As cheating spouses, we rarely had the luxury of being together in our own homes, but his wife and son were out of town he said. Before I got there he texted that he loved me. We had never exchanged those words before, and I didn't think text was the right method of communication for something like that, so I just said "back at ya" But he persisted..."Do you love me? Is that weird? Is that scary?" I finally said yes, but I want to tell you in person.

When I arrived, everything seemed OK, we had some dinner and watched some TV, he wanted to have sex on the couch so we did, then he was DONE...it's like he wished I would just vanish. I wanted him to ask me to sleep over...both of our spouses were out of town and it was the only time we would have this opportunity and we had talked about how nice it would be to have a whole night to ourselves before. But he didn't, he kept complaining about how tired he was, he didn't want me to speak or touch him, and he practically shoved me out the door.

I was there long enough to become suspicious that he did not have a 6 year old son living with him. No toys, no pictures of the child, no kindergarden or first grade artwork stuck to the fridge. I didn't say anything, but I went home and googled him and found a baby registry for him and his wife for a baby due in January. What? This can't be right...I'd just asked him if he and his wife planned to have more children and he said he didn't know...they can't be pregnant now. Then his wife's blog...they were pregnant with their first child...no son. I confronted him with this information and asked how he could lie to me about something so central to who he was as a person...and wow, complete and total rage, meltdown, name calling insanity.

The next day he's all sweetness and understanding asking when he could see me. I told him that he owed me an apology for being so hateful the night before, he agreed. We arranged to see each other later in the week, he started bitching at me the second he walked in the door for invading his privacy, said he wanted to apologize to me for his rage the night before, but he couldn't because he didn't want to "lessen the impact of his disappointment in me" for invading his privacy, and wondered aloud how he should punish me for being nosy...finally deciding upon punishing me with silence. Then he wanted to have sex with me and of course, despite just being treated like a child who has misbehaved, I do.

I learned that he is active on the website on which we met, chatting up, meeting and likely sleeping with other women although he certainly doesn't want me out there. For the last couple of months, he has done the bare minimum required to keep me around for sex every now and then, although I have been asking to see him every week. The last time we met,December 30th we had sex, and watched a movie...I told him that I didn't want to continue the affair the way it was over the last two months. I didn't like being "tolerated" by my affair partner...I wanted more, like it was in the beginning. He mumbled something, rushed out, and then sent me a text later saying he just really wasn't that into me. I texted back thanking him for waiting until after he fu*ked me to tell me he wasn't into me, to which he replied "you brought it up". I cried all day and night new years eve, and much of new years day, but thankfully, I found this site and have been reading everything I can.

I'm looking for validation that this behavior is indicative of a narcissist and that I should go NC immediately, before something really bad happens. I'm pretty sure I know the answer, but not trusting myself much right now.