Apparently It's Official - Ouch

I've been doing great the last couple months in terms of staying away from any common FB denominators between me, my ex, and his floozy. No pictures, not going to mutual friends' pages in order to avoid seeing any floozy comments, nothing. It's felt so incredibly good to not have that residual pain shooting through my heart.

And then tonight, without warning, I got smacked in the face with my ex's profile picture. He and an acquaintance of MINE are now FB friends (it's an incredibly small town, and they have common interests - it has nothing to do with me), and of course, this little tidbit showed up unexpectedly - along with my ex's profile picture -in my ticker. And his profile picture is now, for the first time, him and the floozy, cheek to cheek, smiling from ear to ear.

This is an incredibly new development. His whole thing with me was that he was still so raw after his divorce several years earlier, he wasn't ready for a relationship, he couldn't open himself up like that again, blah blah blah . . . the floozy has had a picture of the two of them as HER profile picture for months, but his has always remained just him right up until the last time I peeked a month or two ago. Now, he's got her plastered right there on his profile for all the world to see, when in all the time I've known him, from the day we became FB friends (before we got involved) until this fall, it was always just him. The floozy is now apparently OFFICIALLY his girlfriend.

In some ways, it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would - it's not like I didn't know they weren't together - but in other ways, it's hard. In some ways, it doesn't bother me, because I like my life so much better without him in it, and I have much more going for me now than I did when he abruptly walked out on me. In other ways, it DOES bother me, and even knowing everything I know about narcissists and about his own personal pattern with women and relationships (his wife left him with no warning after a year of marriage and immediately went NC) it makes me feel not good enough, like she's better than me, for him to want to be with HER after the pain of his divorce and not me. Like she could heal him. Like there was something about her that was lacking in me.

Not to mention that his broadcasting that he has a girlfriend will put a serious damper on his harem cultivation, and for him to give THAT up, the floozy must really be worth something. This is a man who had me so well-trained that he sat practically in my lap on my couch in my own home and called one of his female "friends" right in front of me, and I did nothing. A man who is always so careful to keep his FB wall carefully scrubbed and sanitized so as to keep everyone from seeing what (and who?) he's doing. And he's got the floozy right there in his profile picture with him??

Logic tells me it's because she's his sister's best friend, she's friends with all HIS friends, and she's convenient because she's completely enmeshed in his world. But my heart, while much farther along than it used to be, is still falling a bit short.

Please, please, please, please, please, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE remind me that he's not treating her any better. I really, reall need to hear this again.