Anyone else having trouble taking care of business?

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#1 Sep 21 - 1PM
ifinallygotit
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Anyone else having trouble taking care of business?

I am late on bills for the first time in my life and having a much harder time organizing myself and my house - also less motivated to work and I own a business - it seems all I want to do is think and write and get support to get over this experience. Maybe I am still in shock but its been a year since he left and two months since he returned for a week and disappeared again.
I am starting to experience real life consequences from being in such a daze from the pain of abandonment...

Sep 22 - 12PM
megamillion
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YES

YES, this has been one of my biggest worries/issues with my recovery, wondering WHY I can't seem to think, work, focus for longer than a few minutes at a time. In my case, it causes faulty logic and distorted thinking about my abilities in the future (leading to avoidance behaviors and pretty much despair). Even though I know it's a PTSD-like effect - hopefully it will go away soon! A mess of CD and self-blame cost me about 4 months of time where I could barely do anything each day; I couldn't pull myself out. Now I have exactly 5 days to finish the biggest culminating project I've ever had (to this point) and so I've been flying low here but checking posts. Just wanted to say you're not alone! What I have been trying to do is literally set a timer and go for 6 minutes at a time. Seems like a silly amount of time, but it worked for me! Good luck and hang in there, everyone promises it gets better. xxx Mega
Sep 22 - 12AM
enpsychopedia r... (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

plus you've had more than

plus you've had more than your fair share of health problems. No wonder you're falling behind! What's the answer?
Sep 22 - 12AM (Reply to #18)
ifinallygotit
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thanks I need some help

I am too far behind to catch up alone. i need to find a little help even if its 2 hours/wk I am not superwoman anymore - I used to be able to go go go - now it makes me feel sick to constantly push my mind and body I forgot I had the concussion for 25 days! no wonder I stopped paying bills! thx for support
Sep 22 - 12AM (Reply to #19)
enpsychopedia r... (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

IFT

I constantly have to be reminded that I have brain damage!LOL
Sep 21 - 5PM
foreverfun1
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i never drank

but i find myself craving a drink just to feel less crapping and forget a little of the pain
Sep 22 - 12AM (Reply to #16)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

yeah me too

I am not a drinker at all and feel quite happy after a glass of wine - it blocks the pain - I guess that is why people become addicts - thank god I do not crave it or have the genetic tendency to abuse it cause I sure I understand it - it does work for a minute but we all know we have to work through this crap - my exN stays high so maybe that helps him not feel...
Sep 21 - 4PM
dulcinea441
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Yeah, the new term at my

Yeah, the new term at my University begins tomorrow and I don't think I can hack the full class schedule I'm signed up for. I'll probably drop all but one class, and the one I keep will probably end in a crappy grade. I just have no energy and no ability to function right now. Amazing how they continue to suck you dry, even after they are gone.
Sep 22 - 12AM (Reply to #13)
Sunafterrain
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Dulcinea

I had to drop my entire full term schedule last winter. I was a devastated, PTSD mess and nightmare. I was reactive, angry, hurting, severely depressed. I could hardly get out of bed and i was the one who ended the relationshit and outed the bastard. It was ten years of mind*ucking madness and I was absolutely a tornado afterward. I almost lost my financial aid because of it and had to appeal the decision that they made of my aid for last Spring term. I had to get on government assistance just so survive in the aftermath. I'm starting back to school on Monday, and I'm working closely with my therapist in getting back into the swing of things but doing it VERY slowly. I'm only starting out part time for now, which is about all I can handle and taking it term by term with the reinstatement of my aid. I think you need to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Everything that was you prior to the relationship is gone, and you have to take the time to get it back. Do what you feel you can do. Maybe a class or two would be helpful to keep your mind off it, but that didn't work for me at the time, this time, I think it will be really helpful. Just take the time to take care of yourself now. You can always return to school when you're more ready too.
Sep 22 - 12AM (Reply to #14)
dulcinea441
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Thanks, Sun. I appreciate

Thanks, Sun. I appreciate your thoughtful words of advice. It's been a long, hard haul to get back into grad school to finish my degree. I had to make a lot of major life changes just to get back into the financial position to pursue this as an independent adult, and now, THIS. They just have NO idea how much damage they do to so many areas of our life, how they set us back at crucial moments of our personal growth or progress that we've spent YEARS striving toward. I know I should take things at the pace that I can stand right now -- it's just frustrating as hell to be set back after it took so long for me to get back on the path of where I wanted to be going. Damn him.
Sep 21 - 4PM
MandyM
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I remember going through

I remember going through this. I couldn't find the energy or interest to do ANYTHING. I fortunately roused myself enough to keep up with the bills, but the house was a mess, the lawn was overgrown, and I ran out of clean underwear because I didn't feel like doing the laundry. :-) Thank God for frozen TV dinners - and even then, it was a monumental decision which one to put in the oven that night. I actually had trouble doing THAT. It does get better. It felt strange at first when I started pulling out of it; it seemed so wrong to be getting back to reality and starting to go on with my life without him, and I was constantly on edge waiting for him to come back (I WANTED him to come back - he'd just up and walked out of my life with no warning whatsoever, and I couldn't understand why or accept that he wasn't coming back). But that eventually passed, and things slowly started getting better in terms of what I was able to do. Just keep going. One hour at a time, even one minute at a time if that's what it takes. But don't give up on yourself. You will get through this, I promise.
Sep 21 - 4PM
rosedewittbukater
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trouble TCB

Yes. I've been working my 9-5, but I have let bills slip, not because I don't have the money but because I am just so damn distracted, shell-shocked, etc. I even had one go to collection, which has not happened to me in over 20 years! Up until now I was a financially responsible person. I still am, I just have trouble staying up on these deadlines. Very hard to focus at work also. As for friends, I have been socializing somewhat but definitely no dating! My closest friend left town about 4 years ago. I have struggled with my housework as well. You're not alone. It's tough for a woman to keep up a household alone, without having suffered through what we have been through! Try not to be so hard on yourself. The way I look at it, so the floors get a little dirty...so what? It's all relative! Take care of you right now. One day we'll wake up and be ready to run a marathon!
Sep 21 - 3PM
needing2know
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Bills are late, laundry is

Bills are late, laundry is not getting done like it should, I understand how you feel! I am a mess!
Sep 21 - 3PM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

Thanks

I do not let myself stay in bed and I look ok but just do the minimum - have never slacked on bills before - this may sound very spoiled but I am a middle aged exec and: I lost my admin asst (she is pregnant) I lost my once a month cleaner (who prefers her richer clients) I lost my asst director (who used to file all the mess here) who moved I lost my best friend who moved to another country this summer and of course I lost exN, twice I am very alone and in chaos with losing all my support systems in less than a year. I am too busy and disorganized to hire more help and we are not doing great so I think I should do it all myself but then am not motivated enough to plow through - I can normally get twice as much done as others but now sit and think alot I do socialize with friends but do not want to date yet - too traumatized as the sex was a very bonding thing for me with N I am not myself yet...
Sep 21 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
Sunafterrain
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ifinallygotit

Wow, that is a lot of loss. I do understand how you feel. I've heard it said more than once that people really have a difficult time functioning after something like this. Some lose their jobs, some have to take a leave of absence if they can, some get fired for shoddy work performance (PTSD), some can't think straight enough to run their own businesses, some can't pay bills on time, some can't tend to their children like they normally do....I had to drop from school last winter because i was such an absolute mess I could barely get out of bed. I was completely disemboweled and I was the one who got out. I think alot of us are just exhausted after the relationship is over and exhausted from trying to recover. You'll get there. Sounds like you're making very wise decisions about dating too.
Sep 22 - 12AM (Reply to #8)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

thanks for reminding me

that I am lucky to be sane enough to still work , but iI I did not own the business I bet I would have been fired last winter when I was in shiock. I guess I am slowly getting better and just now realizing how out of it I am and trying to catch up...
Sep 21 - 2PM
How could I
How could I's picture

Ditto

Ditto
Sep 21 - 2PM
GeorgiaGirl
GeorgiaGirl's picture

This is me

I'm in the same place right now. I'm having trouble getting the motivation to pay bills, clean my house, complete tasks at work, etc. It's frustrating because I'm normally incredibly Type A and very serious about my obligations. My head and maybe even moreso my heart just aren't "in it" right now. My only advice is to push yourself. It's what I have to do and I force myself to complete the minimum stuff and anything extra I get done is a bonus. I won't let my life slip away because of some asshat!
Sep 21 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
CaminoReal
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Same place

Ditti. Ditto. Ditto. I am totally distracted. My house is cluttered. I don't care about work. I am probably less attentive to my kids. It is hard to stay on top of things like I used to. One thing that I think is helping is that I am in training for a half-marathon and I HAVE to run. I am not as motivated and don't feel as prepared for this one. He helped me train last year and we often did races together. Ya know, I think he just became a runner bc I am a runner. This was one of those things that added to our "connection". I am grateful for this forum.
Sep 21 - 1PM
Kiwi2005
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ifinallygotit

I'm currently having some "issues" myself... but I've been where you are, but quickly snapped out of it. I was starting to miss work, I was sleeping hours on end, I started avoiding all my friends & drinking like crazy! It's not cool. There are also people who have lost jobs because of these people. The only advice I can give is: You cannot let this get to you like this... it will ruin you! If you can't live for yourself, find someone in your life who is worth it. My parents & Brother keep me going... and if I had children my hope is that THEY would be the reason I keep going. You gotta keep going, slacking on business is the beginning of what can be a horrible thing. Don't allow it to get there! Wake up, shower, call someone, read something spiritual, put on all the makeup you want to make you feel good, put on your nicest clothes & get started on your day. DO NOT allow yourself to slip and fall. We are all here for you!!!
Sep 21 - 1PM
FarmGirl
FarmGirl's picture

Years

I've been battling this for years personally. I have come to believe it's a way that I self-sabotage. There are big, big things that I have let slip by because I was too wrapped up in my own mess to think properly. Don't give in to the temptation of just 'going to sleep at the wheel' right now. Make a list and start ticking things off it. Right now. :)