That's exactly how it works. You don't even know you still have the damage until it's too late and you find yourself in the thoes of familar insanity.
God bless,
Goldie
then again I have no friends, or family around for support,different parts of the country, moved to a new state and do not know anyone except for one woman, 2 years out and still a big void and loneliness, I hope will go away one day.
I'm in the same situation. My family lives clear across the country. I have only my job - and my narc sits about 5 feet away from me at work.
The loneliness has been an issue ever since I moved. I was lonely in my marriage also...then the narc made his move and I stopped feeling lonely for a little while. I haven't issued the NC yet...I'm not strong enough right now..but I know I have to do it SOON! I'm afraid of the VOID...very afraid of the emptiness. In some respects I think part of the reason for my narc relationship was because of the void. After it's over and done..the void is still there.
yes the void will still be there but you will learn to fill it with living and life again..would you rather have this maniac in your life and still have a void...or out of your life and yes still have a void but also peace...
my narc filled a big void in my life...but it WASENT WORTH THE PRICE I HAD TO PAY.....you must try and get awayxx
I felt/ feel lonely in a crowded room
In fact I texted that very statement to my narc \two Xmasses ago and prompted him to tell me that he loved me....
pah, scrambled eggs....
think that's it, really. what made us all escape into a relationship with a narc/narcette...is the very thing we return to, when the relationships are over. we can't run from ourselves, in other words. dig deep to find why you gravitated towards her...why she filled you...why it hurt to let an abuser go...and therein lies the answer.
it is painful. i'm going through it all now. hugs for a brighter day!
Yes D! I think you are so right....the thing that led me to her is the thing that is haunting me now. I'm so glad you understand.....it is painful :( and I'm sorry you are hurting with this too.
Hugs right back to you sweet lady!
~KG
yes i did in a big way, i still had family friends[well some] but i felt empty, no chaos no, drama, no noise, but as time went on and more and more lightbulb moments occured, the lies the crap the deceit, the whole thing i began thinking how did i live like that....i found a quote yesterday. I LIVE A BORING LIFE THAT I HAVE LEARNED TO LOVE.
For me this is true and for me thats how it has to be...it takes time KG but all the things that matter will bring you happiness and fulfillment again...good luckxx
The Cause Of Inner Emptiness
There is only one thing that truly fills the emptiness. Love. There is only one cause of inner emptiness: a lack of love.
But it is not a lack of someone else's love that causes your emptiness. Inner emptiness is caused by self-abandonment -- by not loving yourself.
Inner emptiness comes from a lack of connection with your spiritual source of love -- from not opening to the love-that-is-God and bringing that love to yourself through true thought and loving action in your own behalf.
When you abandon yourself by judging yourself, ignoring your feelings by staying in your head, numbing your feelings through substance and process addictions and making others responsible for your feelings and for loving you, you will feel empty. You are causing your own emptiness by your self-abandonment.
Your ego-wounded self is filled with false beliefs regarding who you are. Your wounded self may see you as inadequate, unlovable, not good enough, not important, selfish, bad, wrong. Your wounded self operates from core shame -- that you are intrinsically flawed.
These are programmed beliefs that have no basis in truth, but they may be running your life. When you believe that you are not good enough, then you turn to others and to addictions to try to feel okay -- to fill the emptiness that you are causing with your self-judgment/self-abandonment.
Filling Your Inner Emptiness: Learning To Love Yourself
The truth of who you are comes only from your personal source of spiritual guidance -- whatever that is for you. When you open to learning with a source of higher guidance about the truth of who you are, and about what is loving action toward yourself and others, you open to the love-that-is-God coming into your heart and filling your inner emptiness.
This occurs when you shift your attention -- from protecting against pain and avoiding responsibility for your feelings through your addictive and controlling behaviors -- to learning, with your higher guidance, about what is loving to yourself and others.
Today, choose the intent to learn with your higher guidance about truth and about loving yourself -- even if you don't believe that anything is there to answer you -- and see what happens. You might start to feel full of love inside!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D
~Hope it helps!
but my N was really into Margaret Paul and Inner Bonding. He joined the site, read tons, listened to seminars, etc. He was "big" on self-help and always reading a new book usually regarding relationships. And because he did it, I wondered if he was a N??? It still is confusing. I should add, he didn't put the stuff he read into practice - at least that I noticed.
Beautiful, affirming, true words from a beautiful Swan!
Thank you for this. For shining this light.
Hugs and good vibes from
(not) spinning. IT IS NO LONGER AN OPTION. THE SICK MF'er IS DEAD. ALWAYS HAS BEEN.
xoxoxo
Well said
A HUGE void
LONLINESS/VOID
reet
yup KG
think that's it, really. what
Yes D! I think you are so
void
used....thanks for the
I just read this and wanted to forward it to you
Swan, Brilliant
This May Seem Odd
Right on, Swan
spinning
Thank you Swan!....I'll be