Anyone else feel they are left almost schizoid/reclusive?

omg i was wondering the same thing!!! I swear i have not been out in a social setting in over a month. Im not feeling depressed. I think im just really tryin to avoid running into n and new gf and also this town is too damn small so EVERYTIME i step out i start getting hooveres all over again. Random fb requests.....his family members start textin n emailing and random phone calls. Maybe im paranoid but at this point better safe then sorry!!! This time i have had to myself has been refreshing! I have only hung out with VERY close friends n in personal settings. Its where i feel safe n secure. Im in no hurry......im taking my time with this healing process. N im happier everyday!

and I'm relieved to see that I'm not alone in my experience. I don't feel that I have energy for ANYTHING beyond my kids and my job lately. I had tried various social things for about two months but it started to overwhelm me. I also become incredibly angry with people for being ignorant/thoughtless/incompetent and feel that its better just to avoid the general public at this point. I may have saved someone from having their head torn off verbally by using avoidance! It's just an overall low-level of irritation I feel right now...not sure how else to explain it. And I'm so tired of reading about the N. I don't miss stbxN anymore and I don't feel like quitting my life and walking away from recovery. I think this is a very good sign but now what do I do? I still cannot find a direction for my life and keep drifting along doing my best to keep my head above water.

That's why I am at the forum for extended periods. Cannot interact with anyone whatsoever any longer. they all are normal, happy, contented. all i have is my child..who is as damaged as me being ACON. Social Life's kind of appears unreal to me. I look upon this forum and members as my friends...you all are the only friends i have left. I feel safe here.

...but on the positive side, I am learning a lot about myself. Doing a lot of reading, spending time at the gym, learning to embrace the quiet and doing a lot of sleeping and healing. I tried to date for a while but could not enjoy myself; was analyzing way too much. I'm allowing myself some down time to watch old movies and read, walk through a mall and not focus on men. I have faith that when the time is right, the universe will provide an opportunity -- and when that happens, if it is meant to be, then the man will want to start off as friends first and see where that leads. I am using this experience to break the bad patterns from my past. Have faith and don't lose hope. I do believe everything happens in the right timing....I was just personally born without a gene for patience. ;)

I feel like I've become very reclusive. I don't like going out downtown anymore because that's when I might run into him. Also, I find going out and having a good time over a few drinks with friends is so fun, but then I forgot that I'm supposed to be on my guard (in the past, that's when I would text him or call him) - and I'm afraid to put myself in that position again. I hope this fades because I don't want to live in fear of him or anything, but I also feel like protecting myself is more important at this stage.

It takes a while to want to socialize post-N trauma. However, I need to ask. Why does "socialize" have to mean "dating" . One can socialize with friends, with a group, some leisure activity association, whatever. It is, IMO, always best to start there first. I know I am talking to the wall here LOL. But what IS IT with these dating sites?!! I think one has to be on one's own (not a recluse) for a while, in order to get one's thoughts back in order. Indeed to return to oneself. Certainly I found it so. All the best to everyone Hermes

Absolutely. You describe the way I too am living/feeling very well. Deep down, I want a good social life and many friends but, at this point, I feel I don't have it in me to initiate and maintain new friendships. I've made a few attempts and each time, the person turned out to be totally unreliable or disordered. I too am suspicious and I read people very well which is a good thing but also a bad thing. I "pick up" on everything and when I get a good read on someone with a lot of issues/disorders, I struggle with what to do and how not to be judgemental. I work in the mental health profession which is great but, in my personal life, I don't have it in me to give more of myself to unsupportive people. On Sundays, I watch football all day and interact with family periodically. I also read alot and work on getting my financial life back in order. Seems like I spend a lot of time running errands and simply "thinking" about how I want the rest of my life to be. I'm finally getting tired of studying and reading about N's & psychopaths which is a good thing. I also don't have a lot of patience and am easily irritated with imcompetency and ignorance. What's really happening is that I've been "exposed" via the N experience and now it's time to work on my issues. I've had some long standing issues that were magnified by N and now, with my new awareness, I'm working through them. I am greatful that N gave me this new awareness and a higher level of spiritual consciousness. As for dating; hell no at this time. I tried online once and found myself searching for a N clone and also found the entire experience stressful and superficial...not my cup of tea. I'm still a mess of sorts and cannot imagine liking anyone else. I'm worried that I'll never be able to like anyone else ever again. Ex N was perfect for me, other than the fact he was DISORDERED and SADISTIC, LOL. What is a girl to do? I sure hope this is a phase that will end in the near future. I will definately end it at some point because I do not want to die living like this.

I am pretty much in that same place. I want to socialize in a way, but im preferring to staying home for the most part. The thought of dating is too scary for now. I know my picker is broke and I think I need to try to focus on just me for awhile. The thought of getting obsessed with another lunatic is repulsive to me, and that is what usually ends up happening because I am attracted to Ns. I can't chance meeting another n right now. I'm too vulnerable.

I totally feel this way. I've had an account on a dating site for many months and have not met anyone or cancelled it. I feel totally distant from it. I initially did it to 'move on,' but ironically the more time that passes the less ready I feel to move on. Or rather I notice that the moving on phase has many parts. The being neither here nor there aspect of it being one of them, I guess. So whereas before when having issues with the ex and in a D&D stage, I'd think let me make steps to move on, and maybe be open to meeting someone, I totally feel stuck in that regard now, cuz I am actually having the thoughts come to my mind that I'm emotionally unavailable now. And yes I feel that suspiciousness or lack of energy to put into friendships (more like I'm just reading here and online and not even wanting to do much). I notice myself being suspicious or jaded when a friend describes a situation with a guy. I don't want to be this way and walk around suspecting. But after you've been duped so wholly and completely, I'm thinking this has to come with the territory and shock of it. And I'm hoping that the more over this I get, the less suspicious and un-trusting I'll feel.

I think it is a phase, I find that some days I need to just lay down in bed the whole day, hide under the covers and just "be". I guess it's maybe our bodies and minds trying to heal and find some peace and quiet. I too have started talking to a guy online, he seems really nice and is very attractive and even though I'm super comfortable chatting to him sometimes I get this rush of something through my spine and I get super nervous, not sure what it is... I think we need to take it all really slow. I'm really happy because this guy is just interested in talking for now and hasn't even hinted at meeting up. Just take it slow, and be gentle to yourself. I think it's normal to need some "shut down" time...