Is anyone else completely broke?

8 posts / 0 new

#1 May 28 - 10PM

helldweller

Is anyone else completely broke?

I'm so sick of it. I am forty two years old. I've written seven books and have three degrees. I've put my trust in two men in the past thirteen years who took everything from me. I have exactly 2,000 dollars in cash to my name and owe about 60,000. I have zero credit and no time or sanity to get out of the situation.

I am so fed up with having to constantly worry about this.

My daughters watch "House Hunters" about couples buying houses or vacation properties and I just want to kill myself.

I am so sick of being broke.

I was fine before I married narc number one and, after he went to PRISON had no money for food because he'd lost his firefighter job and left me with two babies and no money to allow me to even leave them to work.

Enter narc number two, the multimillionaire judge, who I was with for four years and left me here, with two thousand dollars and a $1300 rent bill each month, along with everything else and all the IRS debt.

If I"d just been alone four and a half years ago when I met him. If I'd just stayed single and got my life back on track on my own.

What the FUCK am I supposed to do now?

I have to guage when I pay my rent each month so the check doesn't bounce.

We had seventy thousand dollars and perfect credit and a house when I got married. Is this really all ok? Are we really all going to be ok?

I truly feel like some English lord living in my country house that was bequeathed to me because of my name, but living with rats and no food because I'm not the person that bought this furniture when I was ok, not this person who rented this apartment five years ago when I had enough money to do so. It's all a sham. If I was living within my means right now it would be in a freaking shelter or with my mother.

I hate them. I am smart and savvy and was on track to a really great, comfortable life before I met the first one. I hate this. What the hell am I supposed to do? Why are my daughters going to suffer because of this? I hate them!

#2 May 30 - 6PM

whoknew

yep

i got left with a bunch of debt too. smh. it sucks! he could care less! live and learn. i totally went against my instincts so many times and so many ways trying to "prove" my "love" and "loyalty" to him....look where it got me. i feel your pain!

#3 May 29 - 8AM

Lisa E. Scott

Helldweller et al

I feel your pain. I'm broke as a joke right now myself. They drain us. We must use this as a reminder to stay away from them. I barely found a job in the nick of time. I took on two jobs actually, HR and teaching, but have a LONG way to go to get myself back to where I was before this mess. Trust me, you're not alone. Narcissists drain us and take us for all we are worth. I know saying you're not alone is not a huge help, but just know that because of what we have been through, we are smarter and wiser now and will NEVER let this happen to us again. Hang in there. Together, we will help each other through this.

#4 May 29 - 3AM

Epiphany

Completely

Oh sunshine, know this so well. When he left I did not even have ramen but it gets so much better, every day. Three months only and I've paid off bills, caught up everything and actuallly could afford to shop. And I THOUGHT I hated shopping. I love shopping. When it was all about him that's all that mattered. You can do this. When there is no hoover you can focus and fix, as hard as that might be. You can do it. You can. It's going to be ok.

#5 May 29 - 12AM

Arwen

G-d if this isn't a wake up

G-d if this isn't a wake up call to stay the hell away from my ex N who is paying the price for white collar crime right now, I don't know what is. G-d knows how much money he has syphoned from other supply, G-d only knows.

#6 May 29 - 12AM

ifinallygotit

narcs and divorce

Not only narcs make you poor but divorce in general makes you poor. My triple X left me alone with a mortgage I could not afford and I sold the house too cheap and lost hundreds of thousands of dollars and thought I would remain poor after that and never catch up. But things changed, I got happy and worked hard and turned it around - it took years and I am still down about 50% from where I would have been, but i am now comfortable. I did not start to earn any decent money until I was 45 or so. If you are smart and talented, hang in there and believe in yourself. Educated people without money are just temporarily broke, you have every reason to believe that you can do well for yourself. had I made better decisions and not been so focused on my crazy N relationships, I would have been rich by now and have a nice house...I blew several opportunities and felt bad about it, but then just got serious and discplined when I realized my family would leave me nothing 9after telling me I would never have to worry) and that i could never depend on a man. Ex N did so little for me, its crazy...I think he even resented me eating his crackers! hang in there, things can go much better for you.

#7 May 28 - 11PM

wiserwoman

take on the money troubles as well...

I can completely relate to this. My exNH: got three credit cards behind my back (maxxed them all out); bought a house that he hasn't been paying the mortgage for (I have moved out of the house and am renting); stole my children's education fund money to buy a truck; shall i go on?... The scary part is that I just found out I'm responsible for any debts HE incurred during the course of the marriage and yes that DOES include his credit cards (even though I couldn't even use them because they're not in my name!!) AND any outstanding bills he has with plumbing suppliers. LIfe is so fair. So, I have so far avoided filing for divorce because I simply don't know how on earth I'm going to tackle a $60 000 debt. THAT I DIDN'T EVEN CREATE. So, yes, I understand completely, completely. Why does the law seem to support these bastards. And hon, I'd take you out for a drink, but I can't afford it. My heart goes out to you - it's so hard to not be bitter and give up. None of us thought we'd be living like this. I don't know what to say - somehow we have to start over again, this time from behind the eight ball...

#8 May 29 - 8AM (Reply to #2)

SoaperGirl

Take One Thing At A Time

Hmmm...right now I'm glad I'm not married to my narc. But I've been where you ladies have been on being over my head in debt, no money, and having three children to support and being married to an abusive bastard. My answer is to take one thing at a time. First, you want to find a safe place to live, apply for a order of court protection (don't need a lawyer for it). You may even need to file a complaint with the local police/sheriff's department if this guy is still with you. There are often safe houses available. You'll need to find a good lawyer to deal with the debts, likely need to file for bankruptcy. If any creditor is pressing you hard, I've found the best way is to show up for any court dates and get in your creditor's faces. Say to them directly: "If you want me right here!, and I'm not going anyplace. I don't have a job and I can't pay!" The earlier you deal with your problems, the easier they are to handle. This includes IRS. Never dodge anything or try to run away. Stand your ground. More than likely, if you can come up with some kind of a plan - can't pay $100.00 payments, offer $10.00 or even a $1.00..as you get more on your feet, you can increase payments or offer pennies on the dollar in settlement, or you may even get the debt eradicated completely. Sometimes creditors will forgive the debt if they see you can't pay or will know of programs to get you help! A good lawyer can often put a stop to any collection efforts, help you work out a budget you can live with..from there you can work on finding a better paying job. Slash expenses to the bone. Shop thrift stores, coupon and refund. Grow your own veggies, bake your own bread. I mean there are tricks of survival all over the place. I used to coupon/refund and get FREE GROCERIES ALL THE TIME! I'd get free toys, meat, milk, canned goods, cleaning products (all name brands) just by living by my wits and without food stamps or food pantry help! I have an old saying: When the going gets tough, the tough get going. My married/separated daughter is currently facing state DFS orders to pay child support and provide insurance coverage for her children. She hasn't been able to find a job in about a year and half. She has no money, or she would pay. Not won't, but can't! I've told Her, then she's practically bullet proof! Contact this agency, look them eyeball to eyeball, and tell them directly she can't pay and has no job. What are they going to do? What can they do? NOTHING! As she can't afford a lawyer, looks like I'm going to offer to coach her to act as her own lawyer and get all ot of their collection stopped and off her back. The key is in being firm and establishing goals that will get you where you want to go. Good luck and best regards to all!

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