Anybody elses N use "we" when he really meant "you"?

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#1 Jun 4 - 10AM
bcquilts2
bcquilts2's picture

Anybody elses N use "we" when he really meant "you"?

From Wikipedia:

The patronizing "we"

The patronizing we is used sometimes in place of "you" to address a second party, hinting a facetious assurance that the one asked is not alone in his situation, that "I am with you, we are in this together".

My N ALWAYS used the royal "we" when he was asking if I'd completed some task that he didn't want to do himself. It always annoyed me, but I could never quite put my finger on why until now.

First of all, I think it represented his lack of seeing me as a separate entity from him - I was just his peon to do his bidding.

Second of all, I think it was his way of trying to make me feel like we were a team - rather than recognizing that I was doing all the dirty work while he reaped all the benefits.

But as the definition of the patronizing we points out, there is an element of facetiousness or a feeling of duping the other person involved too - it was his way of letting me know just who was in charge.

I'm curious if anyone else experienced this with their N?

Jun 4 - 7PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Depends on the Narc

My former Narc boss used "we" ALL the time. So did my morbidly obese former Narc coworker. They both used "we" when it was really... them. The ex-Psych prof hardly ever used the word "we" because "we" would imply sharing, equality. He used I, me, my all the time... but "we" was a rarity. Even when he was addressing his classes. He couldn't see himself as a separate entity either. At a Q&A session after a lecture, when HE was asked about HIS opinions/beliefs, he flipped out. He practically had a nervous breakdown.
Jun 4 - 2PM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

"WE"

Was never used in private with me. Alone together it was only "I" and attempts to make it clear that we could not plan anything as a unit ,i.e., "your" this and that - it always hurt. He only used "we" to show off to his guy friends when we were having a phone conversation in front of them. It was so weird, how much nicer he would be and pretend that "we" had plans in front of his friends - I guess to appear normal to them like he had a real relationship?
Jun 4 - 11AM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

Oh yes. Xnh constantly used

Oh yes. Xnh constantly used "we" instead of you. He pissed a whole lot of our friends off about it. This wasn't just me that he annoyed. It was universal. Xnh liked to use it to suck other people into seeing "his" view about every story, or that they were on "his" side (usually when he was "proving" to me how I was "wrong" about something - again). He also used it to take credit for something that "I" did by saying "we" did it. My standard response to xnh when he used "we" in a sentence was: So, who's 'we'? Have you got a turd in your pocket?!?" It had to have been, because "we" certainly did not include him and I. It was totally patronizing. rofl.

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