Answers to my WHYs

http://elissestuart.wordpress.com/2009/01/15/narcissistic-curtain-calls/

gradually it is sinking in.. that this ending was inevitable no matter what I did or did not. SIGH. This D&D from my NH feels to me like death of spouse without any financial support left behind. I feel vulnerable and stupid too.

Just hoping that I somehow manage to come out of this safely. Every moment in these last stages is so terryfying and insecure.. so many fears, blocks, cage-ings he is doing..and so very Insidiously.

The narc's personality disorder has ensured that he will never experience sorrow, hurt, humilation, debacle in his LIFE. I can't believe he has SO MUCH LUCK IN WHATEVER HE DOES.

His favorite statement in so many lonely dreary evenings used to be..."I will always move up vertically..never horizontally"
and "I will never fail"... "..so and so said I am GOD"

At least.. now I am no longer naive. Finally, the jigsaw puzzle has fit and I am seeing the entire picture.

TOUGHEST thing to accept is...that he married me in quite the same way as one would buy a doormat. so unfeelingly..a human being USED and Discarded like a doormat... it is so hard to think about it and not plunge into grief..