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Anniversary today, and feeling really down :-(

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#1 Jun 22 - 6PM
Leah2
Leah2's picture

Anniversary today, and feeling really down :-(

Hello, Today would have been our fifth anniversary, and I am feeling really down. Tried to call him, but as usual he rejected the call. I miss him so much (it has been four months since he formally left) and he has not taken a single call. I know that it gets better (it already has) but really just want to hear his voice and have him back--at least the man I married and not this cold, unfeeling person who has hurt me without saying a word. It is so hard today. So hard.

Jun 23 - 9AM
Steph
Steph's picture

Hope you're feeling better

Hope you're feeling better today. You survived the would have been anniversary day and today is a new day:) Wishing you lots of strength to never contact him again. He's not worthy of you. xoxo
Jun 23 - 8AM
AnotherPath
AnotherPath's picture

The man you married IS the

The man you married IS the cold, unfeeling hurtful person. You're getting to see his true colours, not nice is it? But this is him....... the other pretend bloke, that is an act, an act that NO narcissist can keep up because it's exhausting for them. Look at him for what he REALLY is, then say do I really want that nasty person in my life? and they only get worse, they really do

Ending the dance

Jun 23 - 1AM
Janet
Janet's picture

So sorry this happened to

So sorry this happened to you (I mean all of it). Annual reminders are just plain hard no two ways about it. I know we will feel better in time but now it just hurts and that is a really "good and okay" part of us. Just, sorry for your pain and ultimate sadness. It is a deep sadness afterall. Peace. J

Peace. J

Jun 22 - 9PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Leah, We all love you and

Leah, We all love you and must tell you the truth. It is painful to accept but it is over. He is gone. This is not love. Even if he came back, it is still not love. He will use you and dump again. Someone that loves you could never do this to you. He is incapable and you are making a fool of yourself for feeding his disorder and calling him or attempting contact. Do not make this worse by lowering yourself and appearing needy to him. Even if you do feel needy, dont let him see this. When you feel like doing this come to the board. If you want to chat ask Lisa for my email add and we can exchange text info. Im on my phone a lot so you can send them to me. Please it will get better if you follow the program.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jun 22 - 9PM
Introspection
Introspection's picture

Hello Leah...

I am sooo sorry you are in pain sweetheart. 50 years WOW!!! This must be incredibly difficult, I can't even begin to imagine. I was with my XN 4 years and the deprogramming was hard enough, can't imagine what I would have to do 50 years later. This too shall pass!!! I am going to read your story right now so that I can have "the rest of the story."
Jun 22 - 10PM (Reply to #5)
Leah2
Leah2's picture

Introspection...

...thankfully it was FIVE years, not fifty :-) I suppose that means it could have been much worse, huh. You made me smile, so thank you.
Jun 22 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
Introspection
Introspection's picture

Sorry,

Talk about being tired!!! Long day at work but that is not an excuse, I totally missed the date. I apoloigize but yes, I do mean that the longer you are exposed to them, the longer it will take to deprogram! Five years is still LONG exposure. Many (((HUGS))) Leah!
Jun 22 - 7PM
secondchance
secondchance's picture

stop that!

stop wasting your time wanting that person back. it will never happen!
Jun 22 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
Cindy2154
Cindy2154's picture

yes stop

And when and if they do come back, they are never the same as they were in the beginning....
Jun 22 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Leah

I'm so sorry. I know how hard today is for you. Anniversaries are rough. Cindy is right though, even if he did come back, you would never be able to look at him the same way again. Trust me. Once the mask comes off, it's off. You can't lie to yourself. You deserve more!