angiesunshine's story

Never felt so good to be single :)

It has been exactly 1 year since I left. I found this site shortly after when Googling “I’m sad about breaking up with my boyfriend.” Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? It did then too. Honestly, I am here to tell you that it makes NO difference if they left or you did, the abuse is the same and you are left questioning EVERYTHING. I’m grateful to have found this site and to be where I am today.

I met the N through a friend that knew him for 10 years. I was 2 years out of a separation/divorce and although I wasn’t looking for anyone, I was ready. We hit it off and had a great time. He lived a state away and we maintained contact via text, IM and phone. He came out to visit me 6 weeks later. We continued to travel back and forth to see each other for 2 years.

Looking back, I wouldn’t say that there was a ton of fighting but when there was he had no limits. I think the first major one was at 6 mos. He said “Fuck You” to me. I drop more F bombs than anyone I know but they are never directed at anyone. It has always been a hot button of mine. I told him not to talk to me that way and that it was disrespectful. This was a bird eye's view of who he was as a person. When he came to town, I literally had to drop everything. No, shopping, no cleaning, no plans with friends etc. It was really ALL ABOUT HIM. As time went on and his visits were almost every weekend for 4 days at a time, it became difficult to get things done outside of my job. We were almost in vacation mode weekly. I sometimes felt relieved when he left so I could get back in my routine and get things done.

He had a strained relationship with his parents. He talked down about them. His parents had to work hard to put him in the schools with all his wealthy friends. It was almost like he hated them for that. There were plenty of other stories where he came across judgmental about his sister, friends and coworkers. I used to joke with him and call him Baby Jesus because he acted that way.

Red flags: He called his 4 year old niece a bitch. He said horrible things about his ex wife, parents and even some friends. He threatened to deport someone at a bar. During fights with me he told me he wouldn’t care if I was getting gangbanged. I have to be honest, I laughed. Who in the world is wired to even think like that, let alone say it out loud?

After about a year and half, he started complaining about the travel being a lot and we discussed me moving there. I was open to it but wouldn’t move without a job. I have a great job here and was concerned about taking a pay cut and adding an hour commute each way to my day. I knew I wouldn’t be happy. I asked him if he would move here so I could knock out an accelerated Masters Program and then I told him I would move anywhere with him. The program was 9 mos. He didn’t hesitate when I explained all of that and said yes. We got a puppy together that I took care of for 2 months before he moved. The weekend he moved here was the most bizarre weekend and that is when everything changed. It was like he completely changed.

The beginning of the end. I talked to him about starting school and my concern that I didn’t have time for the crazy fights, games and drama. Once I started school, it was like he wasn’t getting enough attention. I was also the only one in the program with a FT job. Fights escalated to him telling me my dad didn’t love me (I have never known my dad), telling me I was nothing and a horrible person and that my eggs were drying up. He would text me from sitting 10 feet away while I was doing homework. All of this was about control and he was losing it. Honestly, it was the things that he said it was that he would stoop to that level in order to hurt me.

I finally moved into the spare room. He would barge in and unlock the door while I was showering but the worst was him crawling into my bed almost every night just to wake me up! Again, control.

I was too busy to leave and he knew it. I had a break at Christmas and looked at some places. He talked me out of the lease I signed saying he would change. I stayed and guess what? He didn’t change. Shocker, right?! I needed to know if I was supposed to stay and work on this. I am loyal to a fault. I snooped looking for answers and I found it. I was just so desperate and confused. I found an email that he sent to 12 of his friends (they did this all the time) talking about my body and because of our fighting he was close to calling ____ a girl he messed around with before me. There was my answer. He went out of town for the Superbowl/my birthday and I packed up "Sleeping with the Enemy" style with the dog. Btw his ex wife left him this same way and now I know why. You know who leaves like that? Someone that has to. I didn’t know that before I met him.

After the split – constant texting, emails and threats about the dog, It’s all he had since I had already called our landlord telling her I was leaving but would still pay half my portion as we discussed (he and I). He threatened to take me to court over the dog. I told him to do what he had to do. I also, had a major surgery coming up and I just couldn’t stay in this horrible situation. I didn’t like who I was becoming. He was a dreamkiller and I wasn’t going to lose everything for someone that didn’t even care about me.

I was devastated. I cried for months and months AND MONTHS to anyone that would listen. I went to see a therapist. I debated head meds because I just couldn’t go on feeling so horrible and sad. I finally blocked him on FB, IM and eventually my phone. He infilitrated my friends – obviously they weren’t really friends but this was really difficult at the time. He had isolated me over the years from many friends and then tried to hang out with their men. After 2 months of not knowing anyone and meeting new people, he bought a house here – crazy. In fact, the house I wanted. So, in addition to stealing my friends, buying the house I wanted and asking for my breeder info. He was like single white female. I have seen him a couple times. He has actually sat down next to me and acts like I have not ignored him for 9 mos. I ignored him then too. That’s where I win. I now have the control. Control over my life and future.

I also have clarity. Distance from him and the situation is helping with the healing. Don’t get me wrong, there are still days I wonder how the hell did this happen to me.?! I used to wonder if he missed me, if he was sad. Now, I know that it doesn’t matter. Thanks to everyone here and please believe that things do get better. Keep busy, stay no contact and work on you. Force yourself to do these things even when you don't want to. It's really the only way. Surround yourself by only people that love you.

XO