and the drama continues

37 posts / 0 new

#1 May 20 - 8AM

justwantpeace

and the drama continues

ok i get a letter in the mail yesterday from ex's lawyer. he is accusing me of all this stuff. Im keeping son from him. I didnt let him know about spring break. I sent him the calendar at the beginning of the year. im not sharing time even though he doesnt ask. He wants his text and calls be allowed til 8 but doesnt want me calling or texting son on his time. has to fight everytime he gets son because i dictate it. he and son decide the days. i have had to change a couple and son usually text him if he cant go and why.

oh just gets better. so son and i are meeting my lawyer a week from today. just gets better.

#2 May 24 - 11AM

Carolyn

Dealing with harassers can

Dealing with harassers can be stressful but you might want to get some information from a lawyer on the 'intentional infliction of emotional harm' laws in your area. Maybe he will calm down if that card goes on the table. California has that law and it is something you can sue for damages. Also if he owns a home and has a slander clause in his homeowner's policy you might be able to sue him for slander; that carries a $10,000 price tag. Arrange to deal with him only in writing and make contact formal so his harassment contacts diminish. Save everything he sends you and record his phone contacts. You can buy a simple recorder at Radio Shack and it has a 'donut' device that is voice activated and just attaches to the phone: Never give a guy like that an opportunity to keep you in emotional turmoil. They actually move on and lose interest eventually. Your child can hold back narcissistic supply and attention always being neutral and he might lose interest in the child then. They are whirlwinds when they are getting attention but calm when they aren't. You can ask that he have a psych exam -they don't like that. There are supervised visits and other strategies that you can use. Lawyers are expensive but for him too. Let us hope he will go on to devil someone else. You are doing everything well you are just in a battle with a really irrational person. A few years up the road he will be a LOSER it always goes in that direction for them.

#3 May 24 - 7AM

justwantpeace

scared

Can I ask? how do you get over being so scared of what they might do to you next?

#4 May 24 - 10AM (Reply to #35)

sanctuary

I don't know about others on

I don't know about others on here but I have never gotten over worrying about what he'll do next. For those of us with kids we're somewhat stuck. Unless he's in jail or dead I'll always be worried about it. I do hope that when 18 rolls around for my daughter things will lessen as he will have no legal recourse. I do, however, try to give him as little opportunity as possible to get to me or her in any way. Perhaps it may seem silly, but I keep my front curtains closed most of the time. And always make sure they're closed when he's coming to see her. I have padlocks on all the gates to the yard. I have given my neighbors his description and asked them to call the police if they see him on my property and I'm not home. He has stalked me and my daughter in the past. If I get one inkling of information that shows me he's stepping it up again, I'll be getting security cameras and probably a gun. He's done things in the past I never thought he'd do. I won't be caught unawares again. As we've seen here, there's no limit to what they might do. Sometimes it literally enrages me that I have to live this way. But it's the reality of the situation. I'm sorry this was probably not what you wanted to hear but as we're all learning here, knowledge is power!! And we need every bit of power we can get in standing up to these psychos!!

#5 May 24 - 5AM

justwantpeace

R. O

How do you even get one of these? can you get one if he hasnt been physically abusive towards you? should i ask my lawyer?

#6 May 24 - 6AM (Reply to #32)

Barbara (not verified)

R.O.

didn't you read the link I posted below? GET IT NOW ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#7 May 24 - 7AM (Reply to #33)

justwantpeace

R.O.

sorry barbara I missed it but i will check it out. I have so much going on in my head. I will check it out. I thought I had asked you this question before and couldnt remember. thanks

#8 May 22 - 6PM

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

he HARASSES you he STALKS you YES!! get an R.O. for him to stay away from you!!! and stop calling or texting nonsense to you. EMAIL ONLY!!! http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?statelaw_name=Restraining%20Orders&state_code=GE ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#9 May 24 - 5AM (Reply to #27)

justwantpeace

emil

oh its only email. i want nothing todo with him. barbara why the control. the nc and emails only seems to drive him. its like the more im not there the more he wants control and he uses son to get it. im tryng to act like i dont care but its hard. I go see my lawyer on thursday to start dealing with this mess before son goes on his trip. I cant wrap my find around having to have conrol over someone so much to feed my needs. Son said he asked why i was at church early yesterday. I didnt reply to son but was thinking none of his business. Son says otherwise he doesnt ask questions about me. This is beyond ridiculous. Im sure with alot of others here I keep saying why me????

#10 May 24 - 6AM (Reply to #28)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

I cant wrap my find around having to have conrol over someone so much to feed my needs proof of his serious, intractable PATHOLOGY we're normal, of course we can't understand it. To them WE ARE ALL OBJECTS, POSSESSIONS... that's all. enoughs enough with this loser ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#11 May 24 - 7AM (Reply to #29)

justwantpeace

my life

all i want is just to move on with my life and make something good for my son and I. I cant imagine the women who are physically abused along with this.

#12 May 24 - 7AM (Reply to #30)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

and until you STAND UP and TAKE IT BACK from this remorseles predator he will continue to prey on your peace of mind and your life. R.O.!!! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#13 May 22 - 6PM

justwantpeace

SON

he is spending an extra night with his dad. he wanted to so what could i say. can i get a restrainging order since he has not done anything violent? Im iritated about having to go back to my lawyer. I have my answers to his letter all written out. Im printing my emails tomorrow for my back up to take those with me. i have my text messages. so im hoping that will help me.

#14 May 22 - 7AM

justwantpeace

weekend

just have to get thru the weekend and pickup son at my parents and then i get a break from ex. i got frustrated again last night. i had to drop son off at church for a meeting about his trip. ex knew i was leaving him at 545 with his stuff. got really iritated when he showed up at 545 to get sons stuff. there was no need for that and he could have come 10 minutes later or even when the meeting was over. i know this sounds childish but i just dont want the interaction with him or to see him. i still didnt feel a thing for him. ive decided after him hoovering at the promotion and this that im going to start telling him 10 minutes later so I dont have to see him.

#15 May 22 - 2PM (Reply to #24)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

RESTRAINING ORDER don't play games - get a restraining order - tell your lawyer you want one and DO NOT LET ANYONE TALK YOU OUT OF IT!!!! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#16 May 22 - 8AM (Reply to #20)

sanctuary

It's not childish, it's self

It's not childish, it's self preservation. You know that having to see him triggers you and who wants that!! It's not that you want him but the anger frustration of having to deal with him in any way. Good for you for recognizing and doing what ever you can to avoid him. For those of us with kids, I'm all for as little contact as possible!! Who gives a flying fart what they think or want!!

#17 May 22 - 8PM (Reply to #21)

TexN (not verified)

The exN triggers

Me just by seeing his name "psychopath" show up on my phone! Its even worse when i have to hear his voice or actually see him! Like some of yall, its not cos I want him back, its cos i can't stand his freakin guts!!!

#18 May 23 - 8AM (Reply to #22)

sanctuary

Do you really have the ExN

Do you really have the ExN in your phone as "Psychopath?" I love that!! I might borrow that idea if you don't mind. Think of something that reminds me of what freak of nature he really is....makes me laugh first and trigger second.. What comes to mind first was Jessika's term "broken brain" and "broken dick"... I'll have to give it some thought! Now if I only could have something like that when I have to see him.

#19 May 23 - 9AM (Reply to #23)

enoughalready

love it

Broken brain, broken dick. My XN lied so much, he couldn't keep up w/ his lies, the stories always changed, he even lied about his lies. And the last and final time we had sex, his dick had bent so much due to the limpness, when we were done it actually bled through as if his penis had a period. First time I'd ever seen a penis bleed.

#20 May 21 - 9AM

justwantpeace

conditioning

I feel like he is trying to condition me to his want. im not sure why or if its just for the supply. he makes comments oh this is good communicating, talking about our interactions. Im suppose to be on my best behavior per my lawyer right now. its really iritating me. why does it seem they always win

#21 May 21 - 4PM (Reply to #18)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

of course he's trying to TRAIN YOU you MUST MUST MUST STOP LISTENING TO HIM... it's all BABBLE to control you... stop LISTENING when my exNH talks at me I barely hear a word he says and I don't even BOTHER to try to figure it out - it's all B.S. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#22 May 21 - 9AM (Reply to #17)

sanctuary

We have to behave and they

We have to behave and they seem to be able to do whatever they want and get away with it!! I doubt he would know good communication if it bit him in the ass!! He just wants what he wants, when he wants it. And doesn't care who he hurts to get it. I've found the best thing is keep all communication to e-mail, plus you want records of everything. Be civil to his face in front of your son. Get your lawyer to tell him and his mom to not approach you at all. I had to threaten an Order of Harassment because the NW wouldn't quit emailing me to tell me what a bad mother I was. I couldn't block ExN's emails but I could block hers!!! Hang in there, your son knows your in his corner and how much you love him.

#23 May 20 - 7PM

justwantpeace

compromise

now he wants to compromise. son told him he was tired of this and going to my attorney to get what he wanted. he wants some of the time cut out. I feel unnerved. He wants to coparent and compromise on things. also the extra day a week he is willing to let son come home if they can just go get dinner and he bring him home after. he said oh he doesnt have to stay the whole time with me. im nervous.

#24 May 22 - 3PM (Reply to #15)

ice queen

My experience is family

My experience is family court was traumatic and that is a gross understatement. BE VERY CAREFUL if he says he wants to coparent. Generally people with personality characteristics that fall in line with why they have web pages like this do not have the ability to co-parent. They PRESENT as having or wanting those things but usually they have a hidden agenda. Honestly, if it is traumatic, in the least, for you to see him for exchanges, get an order for the court that you meet somewhere in public OR go through some other individual for exchange. Your child/children will pick up on the tension (and your feelings) and it is not healthy for them to be exposed to it. My son, at the ripe age of 2 and 3, could pick up on the tension/trauma. He is four now and it continues to impact him very negatively. Get things written into the court order so that things are BLACK AND WHITE, so he cannot manipulate placement schedules or any part of the order in any way. We left several things vague in our original order and it was a nightmare (and needless to say, have had to pay to go back in and get things revised)..... Do what you need to protect yourself and your child/ren - physically but also emotionally. Do not make decisions based on his proclamations or intentions if his behavior in the past indicates there is even a chance he has no intention of following through on things.

Ice Queen

#25 May 20 - 7PM

justwantpeace

compromise

#26 May 20 - 7PM

justwantpeace

compromise

#27 May 20 - 3PM

justwantpeace

nervous

Have to deal with ex in person for the first time in a very long time. Im just really nervous. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

#28 May 20 - 3PM (Reply to #9)

quietude (not verified)

justwant...

...forgive me if I missed it...why do you have to see your ex in person?

#29 May 20 - 7PM (Reply to #10)

justwantpeace

sons promotion

my son graduated middle school tonight. i had to tell him per the papers. its over and I did really well. Im just numb right now. he and his mom kept coming up trying to talk to me and i kept trying to get away from them. his mom, a N, kept pulling on my necklace saying oh how pretty. He kept close by. She was being so nice.

#30 May 20 - 7PM (Reply to #11)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

NO COMPROMISE NO COPARENTING and while you & son are at the attorney - DEMAND a restraining order to keep HIM & his MOTHER AWAY FROM YOU!!!!!!!!!! GET TOUGH!!! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#31 May 20 - 12PM

justwantpeace

my neighbor

my dad and neighbor made me feel good. it was kind of funny what they said. they both give him 1 yr and he will be divorced again. they said he married her for her money and to get out of mamas house. It just helps to think others think of him as a lowlife.

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