Anatomy of a Narc Relationship

As per my previous thread, I've been dredging through his old messages on another site. I haven't finished yet, but I've got the general gist, based on solid fact rather than how I remember it. It's quite fascinating to see the phases and may help others:

1) Idealisation. He comes at me out of nowhere with blatant hero worship. I don't really pay too much attention at first, but he tries again and again, telling me how wonderful I am.

2) I'm Like You. We start to chat and more and more he seems to be just like me. We click so perfectly it blows me away. I haven't had a friend like this for years.

3) I'm Like You But Just A Bit Better. Now he starts revealing a whole new load of charming personality traits, experiences, achievements etc. and I start thinking this guy is actually a real catch. First time I start feeling a bit iffy about my current relationship.

4) Thinking The Unthinkable. After getting progressively more flirty and sexual, I finally crack and start accepting I have MAJOR feelings for this guy. He (apparently, anyway) has the same feelings for me, but is so noble he can't bear to harm my relationship or partner.

5) Agony. I finally start considering that maybe I'm with the wrong guy. Narc Boy WILL NOT be held responsible if my relationship fails. It's up to me to choose between my partner and being single. Not only that but he won't consider anything beyond dating me, and very much on his terms.

6) Questions. I start to realise some of the stuff he mentioned back in part (3) is sounding a little iffy. There's no evidence to back up a lot of what he's said and it sounds a bit too good to be true. In fact some of the stuff he's said more recently seems to contradict it. But surely he can't be lying...can he?

7) Mind Games. The more times goes by and the more emotional circles I go in, the more he seems to want to verbally spar with me and play mind games. It's as if I'm becoming a toy to play with. Poke it and watch the fun.

8) Three's Company. Suddenly I have friends telling me that Narc Boy has been seen slobbering over someone else. Around this time the mind games step up to a new level and he seems to be actively stopping things from progressing any further. If I didn't know better, I'd swear he was keeping me "on the boil" as it were while he figures out if anything will happen with this other guy.

9) Disappearance. Now he vanishes. After being all over me for so long, suddenly it's all excuses as to why he can't meet.

10) Owning Up. I get told he's started a relationship - with this other guy. I am furious, because he must have been doing this since (8) and knew full well the pain I was going through but said nothing to me. I feel used. He denies everything.

11) Bunny Boiler. I'm now seen as a bunny boiler. I'm pushed away, despite posing no threat and trying my best to be as adult as possible about what's happened.

12) Gone. He vanishes from my life, pretty much. Very little contact. He doesn't care about me, it's very clear from his actions. I start seeing a therapist, patch up my relationship, and all is well with the world again.

13) The Bitch Is Back. Lo and behold, he returns 9 months later. I won't budge an inch until he tells me why he treated me so badly and apologises. I eventually relent due to simply feeling good that he is back. He refuses to discuss his previous relationship and blames his lack of contact with me on his ex, in stark contrast to Mr Assertive from (3). He pushes back into being my friend.

14) Here We Go Again. He starts getting sexual again. When this fails, he starts with the mind games. It's back to (7) again and I am not going through this again.

15) D&D. I am eventually told, as relations between us deteriorate, that he is superior to me in every way that matters.

16) NC. I have had enough. I've re-evaluated this story over and over, but no matter how I look at it, there is no way to handle this person who is so hurtful. He only cares randomly and on his own terms. He is a waste of time.