Am I a sex addict?

34 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 15 - 2PM

Happy1

Am I a sex addict?

I am wondering if I'm a sex addict now. I think of all the times I've returned to him and it was really because my hormones were out of control and I wanted to have sex with him. I had an urge today for a minute which is crazy right? Am I addicted to sex? I don't want sex with anyone else, just him. It's how I cave each time. We meet and have sex and that's how we made up. We never spoke of what happened that caused our break up which was always him. What can I do so I don't do this again? I don't want to be stupid and return to him.

#2 Jul 15 - 11PM

helldweller

sad1

And don't get me wrong: I love sex. But things progress past that in normal relationships. Mine used to pride himself by saying, "After four years, who would kiss you like I do? Who would please you like I do?" And I realized that he kept our actual intimacy totally unattainable to keep our relationship in that bizarre initial period, where it was never in danger of progressing from sex into actual intimacy.

#3 Jul 15 - 11PM

helldweller

sad1

Thank you for all your nice comments, and I just wanted to add about the 'sex addiction' that that is the only time they seem close to us, because that is the only intimacy they feel: physical. It's like my narc and his prince: he forces the little boy to sit in his lap, hold his hand all the time, and kiss him on the lips. LOVE=PHYSICAL CONTACT to them. They trained us to give them that and to believe that our relationship was ok when that was there.

#4 Jul 16 - 12AM (Reply to #32)

better off

That makes me want to throw

That makes me want to throw up.

#5 Jul 15 - 11PM (Reply to #31)

Happy1

helldweller

Yes, I totally agree with you now. I don't know why I didn't figure this out on my own before today. Love = physical contact is exactly that for me. I can't believe how well he trained me. Also, how jealous I was of his little boy whom he was giving all kinds of public affection to. I always thought it was for show but I wanted what the boy was getting. How old is the little prince now? He won't want to sit on his lap much longer and do that.

#6 Jul 15 - 6PM

helldweller

sex addict

I did everything I could think of in the hopes that one day he would actually get into a bed with me and make love and fall asleep with me. Nope. Just nasty sex on the couch or the floor, and for me it's just another case of "maybe if I try harder I will get him to be human." So yeah, want him to come back for more sex. Sick

#7 Jul 15 - 6PM (Reply to #29)

Happy1

I'm so sorry helldweller, I

I'm so sorry helldweller, I guess we can wish all we want but these wishes with the Narc's will never come true. I know I have these great wonderful fantasies of my N knocking on my door with flowers and telling me how very sorry he was. I my as well wish for a million dollars because neither is happening for me. Sorry, but I guess we have to come down to reality that these guys are not human. They're droids!

#8 Jul 15 - 3PM

Happy1

You guys are cracking me up.

You guys are cracking me up. So what you're saying is my vibrator can show me more attention and affection than my N because he is a illusion and a figment of my imagination? He doesn't really exist in my head? 8-)

#9 Jul 15 - 5PM (Reply to #27)

naivenomore

Combination = Warm dog + Vibrator

Something else to add to the mix so you'll not miss him in bed at all! :-) Dogs have a great habit of stretching out and lying right next to you on the bed lOL!

#10 Jul 15 - 3PM (Reply to #26)

NinjaGirl

You know...

When this is the first reply you read, you wonder if you should continue to scroll down or not.

#11 Jul 15 - 2PM

naivenomore

YOU ARE NOT, NOT, NOT A SEX

YOU ARE NOT, NOT, NOT A SEX ADDICT! Interesting comment: "There WILL be other men in you're life who will be much better lovers than the stupid scientist man (scientists are not sexy lol )..." Mine was an engineer and always had to plan everything. I could never just surprise him - he'd find ways of not only finding out what I had planned (i.e. for his birthday, etc.) but then went and added all sorts of other things to it that totally turned me off my idea! By the time he was done planning, I'd feel like we'd already done the deed LOL!

#12 Jul 15 - 3PM (Reply to #24)

Happy1

You are sooo right!

You are sooo right! Scientists are not at all sexy. I don't know what kind of brainwashing he did on me to think he was.

#13 Jul 15 - 2PM

broken23

sad i know you werent trying

sad i know you werent trying to be funny...but the question made me laugh...youre cute for thinking youre a sex addict, i did too, but then i looked it up. pretty sure that ive only slept with 2 people, im not. but i felt the same way, that i could just go back to him for the sex. there used to be a article on how sex releases chemicals in a women brain that causes them to feel intense bonds. regardless, i think its that feeling "our minds" (meaning our minds alone) cause us to associate love and sex together. we feel a sense of closeness/love to them at this time (because lets face it, one of the only times its good and without stress). anyhow i can say that at first i was doing really bad and vivid thoughts of being intimate with him but 3 months out, they have gotten less...now its maybe once a week versus everyday. i think it will get better in time!

#14 Jul 15 - 2PM

aceonelady

is not the sex

i am sure iis not only the sex....i only had sex twice in 2 years with my ex N .....i miss being laying in the same bed,feeling his body warmth ...and watching sleep...I will stop now i am almost crying...

Aceonelady

#15 Jul 15 - 2PM (Reply to #19)

Happy1

Yes, you are right! I miss

Yes, you are right! I miss being in bed with him and his warmth and watching him sleep. But I craved his affection outside of bed and never received it. EVER! He hasn't said a nice or kind word to me in months and towards the end of our relationship, I was doing all the work in bed and he would lay there with his eyes closed. i'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry today aceonelady.

#16 Jul 15 - 2PM (Reply to #20)

aceonelady

Hey sad1

No you didn't made me cry...i really do wish i could give you some comfort....for me D&D was ayear and a half ago but i still have feelings like this...Read my story please....My ex never did let me touch him without his permission....never hold hands....only when he felt like he would give me a kiss on my forehead maybe twice a month.....is terrible....i hope you will be ok you are a very sweet person.i cannot understand how and why they discard the nicest women ...they could have it alll...love,sex,tenderness.trustworthy loving partners and they just destroy everybody and everything...and believe me they are miserable and will end alone or with women that aren,t 1% from what we are....they lose....HUGHS

Aceonelady

#17 Jul 15 - 3PM (Reply to #21)

Happy1

aceonelady

I'm so sorry for the traumatic experience you had. I just read your story and I'm very sorry. I hope each day is a better and stronger day for you.

#18 Jul 15 - 2PM

Scoop

Sad1 you are not a sex

Sad1 you are not a sex addict , he brain washed you and trauma bonded you to him , he made sure you where and then he with held afection from you which makes you crave him . Please stop looking at yourself thinking there is anything wrong with you , youre narc (and he is a narc through and through a prime exsample !)is the one in the wrong , he is a cheating , slimballl of a man who treated you terribly , you are holding on to two opposing thoughts in youre head , he is good and he is bad , please try and shift it to he is BAD a bit it will help with the obssissive thought , keep writing down all the horrible things he said as they come to you .... There WILL be other men in youre life who will be much better lovers than the stupid scientist man (scientists are not sexy lol )... time will heal .. you are doing so well ... xx

#19 Jul 15 - 2PM

almostlydia

Most certainly NOT

I know quite a bit about sexual addiction and that is absolutely not it. you are addicted to him and the love you thought was there. we used to have the most amazing 'make up' sex. it was the only time he ever let his guard down for a moment. I actually broke NC months ago after a fairly depressing night out with friends I no longer see, just to sleep with him - no sex -just sleep. We had always had some particular bond in sleeping together. Truthfully, I never slept so well with anyone in my life and I missed it terribly. A sex addict spends their entire days thinking of nothing else but pursuing new possibilities. The excitement is all in the chase and it is not about ONE person only but always about the NEXT possibility. You are doing great. Stay strong.

almostlydia

#20 Jul 15 - 2PM

ewa

It does not make you a sex

It does not make you a sex addict. You missed being close to him probably. I can only assume that a sex addict who doesn't have sex for a while will look for it /like every addict wherever/ it is possible.

#21 Jul 15 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

Happy1

It's the only time he

It's the only time he touched me and the make up sex was always electrical. I too loved sleeping with my N and slept my best when with him. I don't know why. I just know that's what makes me run back to him is the sex. I just suddenly get this urge and text him and tell him I'm sorry for what he did wrong and will he forgive me and we never speak of it again. I go over to his house and we have sex and never speak of what happened. It's so strange.

#22 Jul 15 - 2PM (Reply to #14)

naivenomore

What?

Sad1, Did you mean to write this? "I'm sorry for what he did wrong and will he forgive me " If so, it speaks volumes of how entrenched you were with HIS mistakes and hopefully this statement will help you to see that? You weren't in love with the real N, it was an illusion!

#23 Jul 15 - 3PM (Reply to #15)

Happy1

Yes, I always took the blame

Yes, I always took the blame for everything he did and if I didn't say I was sorry and to blame for him having an affair, etc. he wouldn't take me back. pretty sick I know.

#24 Jul 15 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

Scoop

I would wager that you sleep

I would wager that you sleep the best when youre on youre own . Mine was good to fall asleep on but that was about it .... really when i break it down i liked to fall asleep with him and that is it , he was rubbish at sex , he was controling to the extream , he had nothing to ofer me apart from a pillow . actualy it was the only time he would shut up when he was sleeping to i was probrly glad for the quite , he was like a wind up toy ... talk talk talkt act act act run around jump up and down like a puppet and then ...sleep .. peace ....lol

#25 Jul 15 - 5PM (Reply to #13)

Lisa E. Scott

Sad

No, of course you're not a sex addict. You are addicted to him because he brainwashed you. Remember that and maintain NC! xo

#26 Jul 15 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

Happy1

You crack me up scoop!

Your N was all talk talk talk like a wind up doll and mine was very quiet all the time and I never knew what he was thinking about. okay, what is it with me? Is it my chemistry with him? I mean I loved the smell of him and couldn't keep my hands off him and he's not the greatest looking guy by any means at all. Was that my control?

#27 Jul 15 - 5PM (Reply to #5)

better off

Please investigate the

Please investigate the concept of trauma bonding (unless that is somehow trademarked ). The oxytocin released when having sex, or even AFFECTION from them is the same bonding hormone that new mothers get breastfeeding their babies. So it is powerful stuff. You mentioned something important... sex was the only time he touched you so of course you would seek that, it was the way he bonded you to him, and I imagine it was done deliberately. You have told stories of him having sex with you after treating you abominably (and I have to say, if you were all the things he said you were, then why was he wanting you like that? See, his criticisms of you make no sense). This is the nature of abuse... they withhold... and then THEY are the only ones who can provide the relief. You end up seeking relief FROM the tormentor. But the rational part of you knows this now... and you can start telling the chemicals in your brain to sit down and shut up now.

#28 Jul 15 - 6PM (Reply to #12)

Steph

lol

"Please investigate the concept of trauma bonding (unless that is somehow trademarked )." lol

#29 Jul 15 - 5PM (Reply to #6)

Happy1

betteroff

I appreciate this info and will have to do look up what you said. I was wondering if there was some sort of bonding because that's the only time he showed me affection. I'm trying to be strong about it and have been telling my brain to sit down and shut up most of the afternoon. 8-) Thanks!

#30 Jul 15 - 6PM (Reply to #7)

better off

You can also give your brain

You can also give your brain ice cream. ;)

#31 Jul 15 - 6PM (Reply to #8)

Happy1

you read my mind! My son

you read my mind! My son and I just had a Frosty from Wendy's. Eased the pain of the week. 8-)

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