Am I seriously considering getting back together with him!?!

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#1 Apr 18 - 6AM
sarah787
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Am I seriously considering getting back together with him!?!

Oh boy. I took 5 steps forward and 100 steps back this past weekend.

My ex narc and I have been officially broken up since Jan. 2010. It was a two year roller coaster ride. Since the break up we've slept with each other every 2 months. There was one time last summer where we tried to date again, but of course it ended messy.

Well that brings me to Saturday night. I get a text/ call and he starts confessing his love. The next thing I know I am driving to his house 1.5 hours away. We talk for the next night and day. He tells me how he has dated casually but cries at the end of the night because his life is so empty w/ out me. He apoligizes and tells me how he wants to make it work, and will be different, etc. etc. The next thing I know I am actually agreeing to give it another shot.

My love for his is so so strong I don't know what else to do. I justify his actions with things like, well he never cheated on me, he is somewhat of a narcissist but not an awful one, he has changed and matured, it's been a year, can't I atleast give it another try to *really* know!?

I know I know..he is probably short on supply, I am probably being used, but I DO think he really loves me. My friends and family are going to KILL me if they find out. I just miss him sooooooooooo much and it felt soooooo good to be with him. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?

Apr 18 - 2PM
Steph
Steph's picture

I think you KNOW this is a

I think you KNOW this is a bad idea. You know this is wrong and unhealthy, that's why you are posting here, and I'm glad that you did. Ultimately, you are going to do what you are going to do.....you are in the driver's seat here. You have knowledge now about personality disorders and how they operate. Go over that information again. You owe it yourself to take charge of your life here. Look back, you have a history with him, a bad history that always ends the same way, you being hurt. Everything he said to you is bull shit. 100% bull shit. He was horny and lonely. I'm sorry, but he does not love you. If he did, how did you end up on this board? They aren't normal! I hope you don't get sucked back into his web. Regroup your thoughts here. You are on a "high" right now, as Michelle said. Now is not the time to make any decisions about giving him another try.
Apr 18 - 1PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Sara

For your sake, I hope not. What has you backtracking? This is not love...we confuse this with love but it is not love...it is delusion, illusion, lies, deceit and betrayal. We are object to them to be used then eventually ABUSED then discarded. Whatever you did this weekend you did...hormones and the love drug is raging in your body and your brain. Don't get it twisted, don't get it confused, replay the pain, the drama, the chaos and abuse. These people don't change, thousands of articles, and victims cannot be wrong! 60 million as per the most recent statistics. I am concerned about you having second thoughts... This isn't love and you are playing with fire. He needed a drug and you both got "high" for a minute. STAY AWAY and work on detox...he will only destroy you. Hugs!
Apr 18 - 12PM
Swan
Swan's picture

Sarah...don't do it!

These Narcs are Manthrax! Toxic, poison. If you go back, he will have even less respect for you which means his poor treatement of you will only escalate! I know, I went back multiple times and with each time came an ever increasing escalation of the abusive behavior. He is just exerting control over you. Take back your power...don't go, don't offer any explanations, just don't acknowledge him in any way. NO CONTACT! ~best wishes for strength
Apr 18 - 9AM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

It's very hard to break the

It's very hard to break the cycle of breaking up with these types...and the excitement of them wooing us back. There are times, when people make mistakes in relationships. They realize the err of their ways. They wish to change, they apologize. The couple gets back together, and true change occurs. (this does happen) But...what you and I and everyone else here are dealing with--is someone who talks a lot of nice words, but has no true intentions of changing. He might miss you. And even love you on some level. But, what you sound like you're doing isn't necessarily justifying his behavior. But, justifying your own. I have been there, too. At the end of the day, you are settling. If you have to convince yourself that someone isn't cheating...most likely they have. If you have to convince yourself of someone's good qualities, most likely they have few. If you have to convince yourself that he isn't that bad of a narc, he's probably worse. Don't settle. Heal. Stay away from him. And once you heal, you'll see there are higher quality men to associate with out there. {{hugs}} I know this is hard. BELIEVE ME.
Apr 18 - 8AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Nothing is wrong with you!

Nothing is wrong with you! The question you should be asking is what's wring with him? If he was so in love with you why did you drive to him? Come on!! It's your choice! How much proof do you need to know it is what it is? Your history with this guy should be evidence enough! ThInk long and hard about what you are again putting yourself through! Idealk
Apr 18 - 8AM
kgirl
kgirl's picture

Oh Sarah.....don't do

Oh Sarah.....don't do it! It's all an act....he must have run out of supply and now he's running back to you. I don't want you hurt :( We're here for you no matter what! ~KG
Apr 18 - 8AM
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

I get a text/ call and he starts confessing his love.

STOP RIGHT THERE. Nobody healthy does this, its a crock of crapola!!! This is EXACTLY how mine got back into my life, confessing how I was the love of his life, HUGE RED FLAG Sara, its what you WANT to hear, its what you LONG for right now, if he is a true narc its all ACTING. You are not ready to give ANYTHING another try I just dont want to see you further hurt. STAY away from past men that EVEN have narc tendencies, he slept with you every couple months? He is recycling some old supply, I just dont want you to think you are suddenly now the love of this mans life, its BULLCRAP
Apr 18 - 8AM
madashell
madashell's picture

Please don`t do it they never

Please don`t do it they never change,I fell for that one a few times it`s ok to begin with but it soon goes down hill.He knows you`ll go running as your still sleeping with him.I too fell for that one ,then when things got nasty he would say I was using him for sex.
Apr 18 - 7AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

I guess it is

how many times you want to go through the devalue and discarded part, i went thorough it soo many times I lost count for 15 years and each time I went back thought it would be different. I am sure you know or you would not be here, it is NOT a normal relation ship, normal ones are not marked up with a rollercoaster ride or constantly breaking up and getting back. If I were you BEFORE you go back I would take myself to a good therapist, versed in NPD and other personality disorders and talk to them about it, unless of course you have lots more years to WASTE...It is YOUR CHOICE.WE all thought they LOVED us but they cannot love anyone, including you, sorry to say,also read more on the subject, but a therapist will give you the traiined view of them.
Apr 18 - 6AM
loveyourselffirst
loveyourselffirst's picture

Seriously think

about what it will be like with him if you do get back together. You will always have doubts. They will eat at you. Your needs will take a backseat to his. Your self esteem will suffer. If he truly is a Narc - he does not love you. The sex every 2 months didn't allow you the distance you need to see him for what he is. Do you really want to get back on the rollercoaster?