I wasn't trying to be funny but glad you got your reality check
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Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals
Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
If you read it it says it's about forgiving ME.
The song itself might reference forgiving the other, but I am applying it to me.
Barbara, if forgiving yourself is a bad thing, the world is more messed up than I thought.
Hell yes, forgive myself for wasting too much of my precious life with a freak. Forgiving myself for cognitive dissonence.
And maybe people would say I do not have to forgive myself of anything because I did nothing wrong, but I don't care.
And yes, I know he was a bad man. Someone who hurt me. At this point I am unable to wave a magic wand and make my love for something false go away. I am thankful I have the ability to love. He does not.
i really know what you mean, that's the sadness for me, that i can't make my love for something false go away. although i am increasingly convinced by these boards and my experience of my 'partner', in some ways he is loveable, he CAN be fun, funny, great conversationalist, he's a talented guy, the best company - can be. also i think that every single person has the capacity for good, i wonder if it's more that these people are f**ed up, damaged, locked in their own pyschological prison and that's dangerous for us to be caught up with as it damages us too - they can't help destroying themselves and all close to them. in my case i'm not sure the intention was to hurt me, more a disregard for my feelings, addiction to old patterns, a self centred view of the world where everything is to serve him and i was/am a casualty of that. i too am glad i have the ability to love and i'm not going to deny the loving times i had with him - i think he meant them at the time, even though it was NS for him. maybe a bit for me too - it gave me a buzz.
I loved my narc more than i loved anyone in my life , thats what makes it so hard , i am in love with a psycopath .Im scared i will never love anyone as much as i love him , i wish there is a switch that i can trun off all this pain for just a day, forget him and everything that has happened be myself again .Im ten weeks one day no contact , im not in shock any more i just have a constent black cloud over my head . I wanted to marry him , i wanted to have his babies all i wanted to do was curl up in his arms and stay there .And yet all he wanted to do was shit on me from a great hight .
Damm it i wish i could stay in one mood for more that 5 minutes
Scoop x.
forgiving YOURSELF is key - in fact it's MOST of the key...
we did NOTHING wrong - these predator fool experts all the time... even me ;) Has NOTHING to do with being stupid naive or gullible
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Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals
Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
I know one of your posts to me was titled "stupid"... but I knew you weren't applying it to me, but to the Narcs' sick mind games. THOSE are stupid!
Predators seek prey--whether or not they're smart. A lion doesn't care if its meal is smart or not.
This is so random, but a friend of mine and I back in the day used to joke about making Voodoo Dolls of our ex boyfriends...never did of course.
Sure sounds like fun now!
Seriously though, Self-forgiveness is key...workin' on it.
When i just looked at the song I had the same mistaken impression that you were talking about forgiving him - but then I read back and see you didn't say that. In the song I think it is about forgiving the ex and he writes "There are people in your life who've come and gone. They let you down and hurt your pride" and as we all know, yourself included, these N's do SO much more damage than letting us down and hurting our pride - But when I read up and saw your earlier post I totally get what you were saying. Ya I think we do need to forgive ourselves.
we never chose to be their victims and I know I spent a lot of time beating myself up for that. You know, the "how could I be so stupid" rap. I do have to be easier on myself and forgive myself as I slip into that. And I can also slip into missing the "good times" even though I know they were born of an illusion and then I beat myself up about that. LOL. many of us are experts at beating ourselves up (and I have kids with exN so am reminded daily what a TERRIBLE MISTAKE I made - but have to remind myself at least i have my terrific kids) - and it is a shame when we slip into being hard on ourselves - then we are just repeating what the N did to us.
I got what you were saying immediately. There are so many songs out there that resonate. Maybe the original meaning doesn't apply, but some of the parts can apply to what we are feeling....for instance;
These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
...People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm
All of that we can apply to what we have been through, except WE are not the ones that killed the trust.
Forgiveness, not of them, but of ourselves. All of us had a currency, we're human. :)
You get it completely. And I hope everyone else does too.
We've put up with so much, and then we beat the living crap out of ourselves. I can certainly understand why people did not catch it considering the lyrics of the song.
Forgiveness is for US, not them(unless we really wanna go there and I do not at this time.)
ollie
Y'all missed something in my post about the song
can't make love for false go away
Stillsinging
hitandrun
Thanks for earlier advice
Thanks Barbara
HIt and Run
Hitandrun
Thanks Wallaby