For all those who divorced after years and/or have children with a narc

Thank you for that post. It came at a good time. I have been feeling as if I am in the wrong for not being more pleasant to exnh and only communicating through a third party. It is hard Like constantly taking thr top of a healing scab Your acknowledgement of that helped me today

I"ve been 4 years out now and my children with the psychopath are now 6 and 8. All the hell that comes with the separation and the fact that the children don't want to see him. Court 14 times. School involved, social services, cafcass involved so now they see him in a contact centre every 6 weeks for 3 hours. He was convicted with a criminal record when I called the police and was sent off in an ambulance (children 2 and 4 then), tried to take half the house when I put all the deposit on, stole the car in the early hours of the morning (got it back), took me to court continuously accusing me of all sort of stuff. Brought his gf along last time to court, she was staring at me giving me bad looks, she's now had his baby. We go to court in a month as the last time the judge insisted he gets a psychiatric assessment which I'm involved in. He owes 22k child maintenance (a 3 year battle) and has just got a job of £100,000 per year but as 96k is from an offshore loan (he works in the city of London) he doesn't pay tax or child maintenance on it. I've been NC for a couple of years, don't reply to anything. He's probably got no more than 2 texts a year from me, and he's tried really hard to get a response. And you know what I'm very very happy. I wake up in the morning SO pleased to be free. I don't hate him anymore, I absolutely don't care about him. As for the OW, don't give two hoots, just feel very sorry for her other small son, who's not related to the psycho. She knew about his criminal record and 3 years probation and still thought he'd be a good role model for her 18month old child. You can't get much more of a red flag. But hey we all know what's going to happen there, tragic.... I used to envy the women who didn't have children with these psycho's and felt a complete idiot for letting it go that far, but that's all gone away because I love them so much and we are a great family of 3. It took a lot of time and work to get beyond the psycho, but because of the experience I find I live a much more conscious and spiritual life. I read once that being with a psychopath takes you to the gates of hell, where we experience the ego at it's most horrific , and for us then there is only one way to go and that is to go beyond into a world of living consciously, experiencing everything more fully and appreciating it. May be this is why the psychopath comes into our lives.

I wouldn't recommend a marriage OR children to anyone with an N. It's been a nightmare for me - I was married 13 years to exN#1 and have 3 children with him. He pulls every trick in the book and invents new ones when he gets bored. Our divorce was amicable but he's made my life hell since then including stalking and a smear campaign deluxe. I have been married for 2 years to psychopath/stbxN, trying to divorce him for almost a year (even though he filed) and have 1 child with him which he is fighting for custody of. He's lazier than exN#1 but continues his abuse of me in every way possible including this custody fight. I will be grateful for the day that my children get to choose and I no longer have to fight these wars.

Divorced my kids dad when they were 4and 8, they are now 19and 23 my time is done! I no longer have to deal woth him or even have to listen to any kind of threat of him stopping child support, he has NO HOLD on me any more and it feels great! hang in there the kids grow up faste than you think and time will go by so fast, befor you know it you won't have to deal with him anymore! My ex told me he wanted my daughter this year from christmas(she is 19) I told him too bad, I said what are you ganna do take me to court LMFAO, he has NOTHING anymore.

After 25 years of marriage and trying to get divorced for almost a year now, I may be the exception to the rule because although we have a teenager together I went total NC for over a year now and I have not had to have contact with him at all. Our teenager has an on and off again relationship with him and I try by best to stay out of it. So far so good. I just pray I can keep this up forever with NC from him. I have no desire to have contact with him and I told the divorce mediators that this arrangement work well for me and unless it is a dire emergency, I do not plan to have contact with him and even in the case of an emergency I plan on texting or emailing. peace!

Thank you! Sometimes I want to just shake the people who are lingering with a Narc that they have just dated! I know any relationship with an N is impossibly hard but to imagine having my whole life ahead of me where I can forget about the N and start over with a new healthy man sounds incredible. I'm doing well, I love my children, but I'm still trying to set boundries with the N and it will be a year in Dec! He still plays all the games, attempts to play on all my emotions...he will never change. And now I have children to worry about. What mind games will be begin with them? So all you out there who can literally physically walk away from the N's in your life, do it! I ignored every single red flag! There are beautiful healthy men out there. And thank you EMTG! I appreciate the acknowledgement. Love, Lilly

Navigating through this maze is challenging. I have a child with the exwn, and the marriage was 12 years. It is necessary to have some communication, and finding the boundary with a NPD is always tedious. ds