Will it last?

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#1 November 5, 2017 - 5:42pm

Will it last?

Hello everyone,
I just got out of a 7 year relationship with what I think was a narcissistic man. Like many people have written here, he was very charming and loving in the early stages of our relationship and then by the one year mark he seemed different....distant, cold, not the loving man he used to be in the beginning. I was young and pretty inexperienced with dating so I had no clue what was normal to happen in the relationship or if the things that happened where due to us being young.He had crushes on other women throughout our entire relationship but he didn't like me calling him out on it, so he would label me insecure. He was very flirty and always wanted to be the center of attention. He drank a lot and seemed to be drinking excessively as time went on. His behavior confused me for the longest time because he would be very sweet and loving and then 2 minutes later become moody and irritable and then he would go back to being a loving man again. This went on for a while and deep down I knew something was off put couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Earlier this year, he had been talking about getting married and while I was excited to move forward with him and even accept these flaws, something deep down felt wrong about the situation. He would mention getting married but there was no action behind it. I eventually got fed up with his behavior and he noticed. I told him that if he wasn't even excited at the idea of marrying me, I was moving on.....boy......did my eyes become wide open after that. Once he knew that I was planning to move on, he lined up a new girl and had her waiting in the wings but used the excuse that he wasn't ready and needed some time apart to see how he feels (sighs).

once we broke up, he immediately got with her and has been with her for the past 6 months now, in a long distance relationship. It hurt to know how easily I was replaced and it wasn't till after the breakup that the truth came out about him chatting up women on dating sites and cheating on me throughout our relationship. I was floored to discover this but at the same time I wasn't so surprised as deep down in my gut I always knew something was off.

6 months later I am doing a lot better but I still have my days. I have been in NC since we broke up but through friends the last thing I heard was that he was happy with his new gf and that he knew she was "the one" early on and that he wants her to move to his hometown and get married. It makes me think maybe he isn't a narcissist and that maybe it was just finding the right person. But then I read the blogs here and he seems to have a lot of the traits of a narcissistic person. It's a struggle for me because he showed me this side of him who is a family man and wants to settle down and then behind the scenes; he's this truly rotten, deceitful, lying cheat. Can they be a better person with someone new? I guess what bothers me is that he may have changed because he "loves" this new person so much, bragging about how much better she is than me, introducing her to his family and friends, and the effort he's putting into maintaining their relationship . I know it doesn't sound logical but Its where my mind is at right now and I'm struggling.

November 7, 2017 - 10:17am

Hi there

I am sorry about your situation. I am two months out of a relationship with a complete narcissist. That was one of my biggest fears....that he will find someone and he will be the "good man" to her, but the biggest point I think I was missing is .....who cares? He wasn't who or what I deserved, so good riddance and good luck to his next victim. My "guy" was also an extreme alcoholic and I was grateful looking back (even those I paid for his re-hab and close to 21,000 worth of other things) because he was actually only honest when he drank, did you ever notice this about yours? Anyway, IF my guy can be better with someone else, then good for him, but I need to tel myself (and some days I doubt it) that I no longer want any part of that circus in my life, especially with him as the ring master.

-JR1331

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