My Ex narc, the victimized doppelganger
My Ex narc, the victimized doppelganger
I met my narc back in 2013. He wasn't really my type, but I thought he was interesting because he was from a different country, and I wanted to learn about him. He pretty much half-way ruined my life, and now I'm picking up the pieces. I used to be a happy, optimistic person, but after him I became dull and lifeless and depressed/angry all the time. It's like he sucked all of the life out of me, and still expected me to give him more. I broke up with him some months ago, but he still tries to contact me, because he is not done with me. He believes that there is more life to suck from me, but I won't give him the opportunity.
I just realized that he is a Victimized Narc, because he has this uncanny ability to make himself the victim in every single situation that he is in. To name a few:
*He cheated on me with a girl that he randomly met in a library. He went back to her place, they fooled around/foreplay, he said that he almost penetrated her, but then stopped at the last minute because he thought about me. When he told me about this he said that I should have been very proud of him for stopping, and that shows that he really loves me, and that I had no right to be angry at him because of it.
*He talked badly about all of his exes, and made it seem like they were these villainous mad women and his only option was to cheat on them with prostitutes.
* He used to have an addiction with prostitutes (supposedly long before I met him) and he blamed his mother and women in general for his addiction. i.e. His mother raised him badly therefore he is addicted.
*He also had a porn addiction, and when I tried to help him recover from it, he said that I should be grateful for porn because it helped him build the courage to approach me when we first met.
* He blames all of his personal problems on his parents and his brother's wife.
*He had a habit of saying really hurtful things to me, and when I would confront him he would make himself the victim, deflect, gaslight and turn it around to make it seem like I was the one hurting him. For example, we had an argument about my weight and sex, and this is, word for word, how it went:
Ex Narc: You know, you are too fat! It is very uncomfortable to have sex with you because your weight hurts my arms and I can't properly lift you. You make me very uncomfortable during sex and I can't enjoy myself.
Me: Why would you say something like that? I don't know what to say. That really hurts.
Ex Narc: WHAT! Why would you even say that! I would never want to hurt you and you are just unbelievable for even thinking that I meant to hurt you. I am truly hurt by that! You always try to make me that bad guy.
Me: But you just said something really awful do you understand?
Ex Narc: There you go again. You're always making me seem like I am a bad guy. What about all of the nice things that I have done for you. Remember that nice dinner that I took you to?
^^^ That is how all of our confrontations would go. I never got apologies, and gaslighting was his favorite thing to do. He did this so much that I just became accustomed to not even reacting whenever he hurt my feelings, because I knew that he wouldn't say sorry or take responsibility.
Now, the doppelganger side of him... Everything that I did, he would adopt it. Since we've been broken up, he has gone full force at stealing my personality. My interests, hobbies, mannerisms, vocabulary, favorite movies, favorite videogames and comic books. And these were all things that he never had an interest in before. I like to collect skull jewelry, now he tries to collect skull jewelry. My favorite holiday is Halloween, now it's his favorite holiday despite the fact that he's never even celebrated it. He claimed to hate the sound of the guitar, then when he found out that I had started to take guitar lessons, he started saying that he had always wanted to take up guitar and that his uncle even gave him an instrument that is his culture's version of the guitar.
He has done so many things to ruin my life. I quit a really good job because of him and his fragile little ego. He had this really messed up habit of belittling me, then laughing about it. Or whenever I'd make a suggestion and try to give him advice (that he asked for) he'd laugh at me in a very mocking way. I can still hear his laughter and It makes me angry to think about. There was one time when he looked me dead in my eyes and said, "The female orgasm is POINTLESS! Why do you women even need to have one. A man's orgasm has a purpose, but a woman's does not!" When I started to argue against him, he just laughed like a child. I had to realize that he was just baiting me. He liked to bait me like that for some reason, like an internet troll.
I sometimes regret ever doing the things that I did that caused me to meet him. For example, being late to my class, not reading the email by my instructor that said that the class would be in a different room. I catch myself blaming me for meeting him, because I wish that I hadn't. He has caused me so much pain and I nearly had a nervous breakdown because of him. I'm trying to recover from depression that was caused by him, and it's hard because I have no one to talk to about it. My family doesn't listen and they are not a good support system. plus, my mom and my sister are toxic narcs themselves, so they find nothing wrong with his behavior and they think that I am the one who is overreacting.... It felt so good to get all of that out for the first time.