Exposed him, now I'm nervous
Exposed him, now I'm nervous
So I was here years ago after a 2 yr relationship with a narc. He'd left me completely devastated to the point that I was in no hurry to open myself up to any man again, but over the years I learned A LOT about narcs. About 1 1/2 yrs after the breakup, I was singled out by a former college/NFL player at our local bar (so yes, he seems to have a big ego, but I've always ignored it as I don't get "star struck" and initially didn't care about him). We'd run into each other a few times after that, but it was months before we started a very "casual" relationship. This went on for 4 years and we'd see each other at random times. Sometimes a week would pass, sometimes a couple months or so. You get the idea. I never gave him a second thought after I'd see him each time. I admit, the first few years, I still wasn't ready to date anyone, and last year I think it was just because it was a comfortable habit. Last December, I started making excuses not to see him anymore. I was tired of it and in a much healthier frame of mind. Ready to start dating. He started his love bombing and it increased in desperation and frequency. You'd think that would've been my first clue as I've been through this before. But no. I continued to make excuses until he FINALLY brought up the topic of an actual relationship between us. So I cave and let him come over. 5 times over the course of a few weeks he came over and never brought it up, so I did. He cut me off without hearing all I had to say and immediately started backtracking. "Maybe you're right. Summer is my busiest season so it's not the best time to start a relationship." (This was spring.) "Maybe we should wait until the fall." Ok. I can be patient, right? So that's what I did. I was patient with him, but I was certainly on board with a relationship. Now I WANTED him! (Yes, I should've known, please don't kick me for this. My fault.)
Fast forward over the summer. The displays of affection had come to a stop in June. The texts, phone calls. All of it. Even worse, I was limited to seeing him once a week, usually Mondays. The rest of each week, I was ignored. Now I knew something was up, but he constantly denied dating/seeing/sleeping with anyone else. This was asked repeatedly. It was just his "busy" season. Sure enough, I found out last week that there was someone that he started talking to in April (when we had the talk) and they started sleeping together in June, the night before my b-day. Yay. He had even spoken of this woman last Monday, but didn't know that now I'd seen his car in her driveway the evening before. He was telling a story, telling on himself without knowing it. I was furious. I contacted her several days later. She knew nothing about me of course, but she herself was distancing herself from him as she knew something was "off". Needless to say, he blamed ME for HIS philandering because apparently he has "deep feelings" for her and of course I'm the one who busted him. He blocked me on social media and his phone before I could block him. And of course he denied everything until I'd provided her with so much proof, he could no longer deny it. He did, however, keep trying to talk to her as though nothing happened. Unbelievable.
For days, I debated telling the OW or just walking away from him. I ultimately told her because a)it's the right thing to do (after 4.5 yrs we weren't using condoms and I doubted they were either) and maybe more importantly, b)knowing now he was no doubt a narc, I figured it would rip the mask off and the narcissistic injury would be enough to make him leave me alone and not come back.
So here's my question.... How has exposing him to the OW worked for others? I'm nervous because he has the power to unblock me and come back or leave me blocked permanently. Is this exposure enough of an injury to make him leave me alone? This has been my biggest hope. I don't want to suffer like I did after the 1st narc. I want to move on but this is already eating at me. I knew I should've blocked him first, but it was happening so fast the day I exposed him, it wasn't my first thought. Lesson learned. Still... Any input is appreciated.