do Narcs produce oxytocin too during sex and bonding?

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#1 Sep 16 - 2AM

foreverfun1

do Narcs produce oxytocin too during sex and bonding?

because the release of oxytocin, when we are near them, is what we are addicted to. they dont seem to get addicted to the sex cuz they use it as a tool but they know that we do. i guess N supply is what causes release of oxytocin for them

#2 Sep 16 - 2PM

Sunafterrain

Oxytocin

Is produced during sex. Disordered ones are NOT affected by oxytocin, only the woman who is not disordered in the relationship is flooded with oxytocin during orgasm (and with breast feeding) as well as through the disordered's EJACULATE. This "feel good" hormone is the basis for the addiction to a disordered one and the disordered one knows this too....that's why there is LOTS of sex......to keep you addicted, and it's also why NC and NO SEX is so important. It takes approximately 18 months for the body to rid itself of Oxytocin after the relationship with the disordered one is over, so in reality, you really are beating an addiction to a feel good hormone overdose provided by the disordered one. Interesting eh?

#3 Sep 16 - 12PM

girlsinger

fireverfun 1 oxytocin

Hi men..narc or not dont produce oxytocin only women do here's Dr Pat Allen with the hard science http://www.drpatallen.com/EXC-goodwomen.shtml be blessed K

#4 Sep 16 - 10AM

Susan32

High testosterone

Ns/Ps produce high testosterone-and that includes FEMALE Ns/Ps. Testosterone is the mating drive. A recent study showed that when men care for their children&bond with infants, their testosterone LOWERS. They focus more on bonding with their offspring than simply seeking out a mate or mating. It would explain why Ns/Ps are terrible parents. They are constantly in mating mode. Leo Tolstoy constantly used his wife Sofia for sex, he had high testosterone-but he'd avoid his children, so it was perpetually high.

#5 Sep 16 - 8AM

Unfreakinreal

They get something, I just

They get something, I just have no idea what it is. My biggest issue was that we would have such a great time together, whether or not sex was involved, but once it ended it never seemed as significant to him. I thought it was fear on his part but he seems to live just in the moment and when it's gone, it's gone. He had ED problems in the beginning which were overcame. He actually had to resort to Viagra for one OW who he claimed was ideal but couldn't connect with on any level and did completely take her out of his life. Went into a depression after that one because he wasn't able to perform at all. I do think sometimes they do see glimpses of what they are, small moments of self awareness that do bother them but they only last until the next supply rolls in.

#6 Sep 16 - 8AM (Reply to #13)

How could I

He was loving

He was loving, tender, and loved to cuddle & kiss. But after he seemed different. It was like let's go. So, was the being tender, loving, an act? Like you said Unf, "My biggest issue was that we would have such a great time together, whether or not sex was involved, but once it ended it never seemed as significant to him." That's it - it never seemed significant. I was in la-la land and he was back in Kansas. So, is this the sign of a Narc, or of a MAN!!!!!????

#7 Sep 25 - 1PM (Reply to #24)

deckard

This happened to me too.

With ER we had some really great times together - in fact every time we were together in person was amazing. It was when we were apart that the stress set in. But also after sex, he would be distant. He'd put his clothes right back on and didn't want to linger in the moment. No afterglow. I was so blown away sometimes I could barely move or come to - it was like euphoric bliss. I would lay there on the bed half-in reality, half-out and he'd have already gotten dressed and be moving on to whatever was next. It was never like that with my husband, we'd lay in bed cuddling and talking. We'd have a bed picnic. We'd laugh, watch TV, read to each other. But with ER once the passion subsides - he was out of the moment. He'd refer to it sometimes later - oftentimes but I don't think it meant anything to him but a form of release.

#8 Sep 16 - 2PM (Reply to #15)

Sunafterrain

It's the sign

of a narc. It's as if it never happened, whether it's an argument or sex, while it's happening, it's happening, as soon as it's over, BOOM, they act like it never happened. Same with sex. They live in an ever PRESENT existence, no past, no future. This is what happens with disordered's because they have NO emotion and CANNOT bond.

#9 Sep 26 - 2AM (Reply to #23)

ifinallygotit

and same when people die!

out of sight out of mind - scary! mine did cuddle after sex but in the morning he would be cold as ice, even while doing something nice like cooking me breakfast. He only told he missed me once, in bed, when I returned from a long trip He would say "I do care but its nothing like what you feel" - sure wish I had listened

#10 Sep 25 - 10PM (Reply to #18)

enpsychopedia r... (not verified)

The Power of Now

That's so interesting, my therapist says the one book a NPD should NEVER read is, "The Power of Now," for that very reason! Eckhart Tolle needs to write a book called, "The Power of Then" just for this type!! LOL

#11 Sep 26 - 6PM (Reply to #22)

Susan32

Power of Then

Since Ns/Ps plan to end relationships IN ADVANCE, and on their terms, "The Power of Then" is MUCH more applicable! They can't even enjoy the present moment! I never experienced the POWER OF NOW with the ex-Psych prof, because he was ALWAYS complaining about something. Nothing met his unattainable ideals. Ns/Ps have catastrophic imaginations. They already see the end before it comes. They plan for it. My former Narc boss would reliably threaten new hires (including me) with firing. The first two weeks I worked for him, every little mistake would lead to a screaming, howling threat of firing. He made employees feel expendable. Before the relationship has ever begun, Ns/Ps are already plotting its demise, so they can't savor the present moment. The catastrophic end of the relationship is also idealized-because it's a power trip. It's why the cerebral Narc Prince Andrei builds a mausoleum with an angel upon it for the wife who he drove to death with his emotional abuse&abandonment in "War and Peace." It's why the ex-Psych prof idealized how his idols Leo Tolstoy&Arthur Schopenhauer were rejected by much younger women-these GENIUSES of literature&philosophy being kicked to the curb by willful, ditzy younger ladies. It's why my former Narc boss made sure that firing was as humiliating as an experience is possible-it showed people who was boss. I would say that Ns/Ps are incredibly retro, they see the present as if it's already the past and idealize it. It's like they're starring in their own personal soap opera.

#12 Sep 25 - 11PM (Reply to #19)

tresor2

Enpsychopedia

Your therapist is correct; I actually made that mistake and gave the book to my exN. He ended up using it against me. Everytime I tried to talk to him about his abuse or behavior or my feelings, he would squish me by telling me to stay in the present moment, not the past...total invalidation. Many years later, he said he didn't believe in spirituality but believed in "energy." LOL

#13 Sep 26 - 7PM (Reply to #20)

into the light

Tresor, we were going out

Tresor, we were going out with the exact same guy. Mine took from The Power of Now (and other similar works) what he thought Tolle was saying, but now that I've read the book I can see how he just sifted a few ideas from it and then manipulated them to justify his egocentric behaviour. AND he was always going on about 'energy' - as well as projecting himself as some kind of spiritual new age guru. How I wish I had argued with him more now! I gave in at times because I couldn't always follow his reasoning and thought it was my fault. I wish I'd told him what he was saying was completely screwed up.

#14 Sep 26 - 7PM (Reply to #21)

tresor2

Into the Light

I gave mine so many spiritual books through the years. Little did I know I was creating a super monster out of the already existing scorpion. I was so green back then...I thought I was sharing the greatest thing ever. Little did I know who I was dealing with. All he did is to go along with me so we'd have something in common. Mine did the guru thing too. He is a powerful man with a powerful job but he's delusional about who he truly is. I'm glad you didn't argue with yours more. They store anything we say that causes narcissistic injury for future abuse and punishment. We can't change the thinking of N's so it's a good thing you didn't waste your energy debating with him...total waste of time.

#15 Sep 16 - 10PM (Reply to #17)

Susan32

The Power of NOW

My apologies to Eckhart Tolle ;) I've heard the saying "the present moment is a gift. That's why it's a present." The more I remember the ex-Psych prof, the more I remember how he did NOT enjoy the present moment. If I brought some exotic meal from the cafeteria, he'd give weird looks (usually disgust) I'd be savoring it, he'd look at me as if I were from another planet. If he&I went to concerts/lectures, he'd complain about them afterwards. He didn't enjoy those. He was always complaining. He complained about Yellowstone being overrated. When he flaunted his girlfriend to hurt my feelings... his effort struck me as half-@$$ed. If you're gonna break my heart, GO ALL THE WAY. When he sat with his girlfriend, he didn't act affectionate towards her (keyword here is "act") Some Ns/Ps can pull major PDAs... he didn't. No handholding, no kissing, no arm around her shoulders, no gazing lovingly into each other's eyes, no marathon make-out session. My freshman year college roommate and her somatic Narc boyfriend would brag about how much sex they had, they were affectionate in public. The ex-P was a total cold fish towards his girlfriend... no wonder I didn't get closure. In 4 years, I NEVER saw the ex-P ENJOY the present moment. He lived so much in his head, he was the cerebral kind. Life never fit to his unattainable ideals... so living in the present moment was painful. Everything was disappointing.

#16 Sep 16 - 9PM (Reply to #16)

Unfreakinreal

Sunafterrain

Thank you for that viewpoint. It is exactly how I felt. Whether it was a great or shitty time, the next day it was like it never happened. I didn't even get the feeling that he was doing it on purpose, it just was the way he was. Never seen anything like it. Must be a miserable existence to not be able to savor anything positive because it ceases to exist as soon as it's over.

#17 Sep 16 - 12PM (Reply to #14)

Unfreakinreal

I wish I had the answer...

However it is labeled though, the relationship is unhealthy and destructive and not what I want. I am trying not to dwell so much on what he is. He is not the one for me, whether he is truly disordered or not. That much I do know.

#18 Sep 16 - 7AM

aceonelady

Forever Fun...and someting else...

Mine did tell me he would get off on anything ,even a hole in the wall...I said well that makes me wonder if he sees me less than that ...he said No,but a hole in the wall doesn't talk back and do not get attached...So Forever fun,i am telling you this because i do believe he was telling me truth,and that's how i think those Narc men see women...too much work to deal with...he told me that too...Before he met me he was masturbating on Porn for 10 years or more...and sex with the mother with his children only happenned during the first 6 years into they living together(18 years)and only with the purpose of making babies,so she would be busy and he would like NOrmal and trustworthy...but he was an internet predator,talking with people from very young age till goodlooking married women(me)....is just a disgrace.

Aceonelady

#19 Sep 16 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

O2bfree

Mine was very loving and

Mine was very loving and seemed very passionate when we were having sex. However, often times afterwards or when he was in one of his rages he would say this one liner..."A hole is just a Hole". ugggggg!!!!!!

#20 Sep 16 - 3PM (Reply to #11)

naive46

All women are the same

Is what my N said. Thought he was so cool for dating OW out of his race. Then made comment. So sick

#21 Sep 16 - 6AM

Sea

They are disordered

Dont think they produce right hormones as well. Research says there are signs of inactivity in parts of their brains. Brains regulates hormones as well. Oxytocin makes the person wants to give (breastfeeding mum experience this i think) and be attached. N dont want to be attached. Once pulled close like in a sexual act, they want to detach instead. God knows what hormones they produce? Narc homones??

#22 Sep 16 - 12PM (Reply to #8)

rosedewittbukater

Oxytocin and infant bonding

That is correct. Not only is it released during breast feeding, but humans also produce it when petting a dog. Not cats, just dogs! Sorry to get off topic but I found that interesting when I learned of it while watching a documentary about dogs. Love my dogs!

#23 Sep 16 - 2AM

aceonelady

Hi Foreverfun1

Mine ex N was Long Distance with me...Always enticing sex chat on Skype,daily for 2 years!Never missed one day...when i went to Oklahoma from Amsterdam to be with him,he had sex with me 2 times..1 ED so was not consumated...the second time was robot like sex,just in and out no foreplay or whatever after...then he started withdrawing affection,and sex...the silent treatment started,gaslighting,push and pull blowing hot and cold...i said ok i will leave i will go back to Europe...he would say see you don't get what you want ,so you are throwing a fit and want to leave...Then i asked why i wasn,t alloud to touch him...he told me:I don't want YOU GETTING ATTACHED TO ME......Well,after 2 years on Skype,cellphone,Google TALK...eXCLUSEVELY THE 2 OF US...HE WOULD TALK TO ME 16 HOURS A DAY...HE WOULD WORK WITH AN EAR PIECE,SO HE COULD STAY WITH ME....well NOW i see it is sick!So i am sorry i do not have an answer for you,but i do not think they produce anything Normal...only sperm if they do not ED and want to attach some woman into having THEIR children,so he always have a slave and extra source of attention...Mine had 3 children..when they grew up the D&D STARTED ALSO FOR THEM...THEY ARE SICK...SO NO,THEY DO NOT HAVE,PRODUCE OR FEEL ANYTHING...ONLY ANGER,PAIN AND DISDAIN TOWARDS EVERYBODY AND EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT THEM....

Aceonelady

#24 Sep 16 - 4AM (Reply to #5)

freaked

aceonlady, your input is so

aceonlady, your input is so HONEST and specific. Thanks for sharing this invaluable information dear friend. I am hoping you have gone back to Amsterdam by now? Please keep us posted about how you are doing. I am hoping you are back on your feet now...and your narc experience is relegated to the History Channel.

#25 Sep 16 - 7AM (Reply to #6)

aceonelady

Hi freaked....

Hi thanks for your reaction...yes i am back to Amsterdam ,i came back a year and a half ago...he never did contacted me again,except since 3 months ago he started sending me emails saying that he is no good in relationships and that if he would have a new relationship would only end the way we did...Then he tells me he hasn't internet anymore that he stopped his internet services because was taking away his peace and quiet...and he gave me his new email address (on his cellphone)that i can use if i feel like harassing him...it is a Hotmail address...5 weeks later i got another email saying he did notice i wasn't sending him any emails...well i broke NC and told him through email that i do not have a desire to comunicate with someone that do not have a genuine interest in me as a human being...he never sent an email back...a week ago i got an emailsaying that he only works,sleeps,and pay his bills...he lives alone,he had to leave home 3 years ago because his oldest daughter,then 15 went to the Police and filled a complaint against him...so the kids were taken away and only alloud to come back when he would move out...And he did,very fast...so i was not the reason he left home.Is a disgrace...Thanks for your reactio,i should write my story and sell it to the Lifetime Channel...truly.Hughs ...

Aceonelady

#26 Sep 16 - 3AM (Reply to #2)

foreverfun1

so interesting how he could hide his true self so long

it was like he enjoyed the chase but once he got you he no longer was interested. very weird how much they like the seduction of new people/supply but once they have the person they are bored or repulsed

#27 Sep 16 - 3AM (Reply to #3)

aceonelady

For Foreverfun1....True

Yes so true...but now 2 years after he sends me on and off emails askoing why i did stop contacting him?well i am off to th GYM...I HOPE DEEPLY WE ALL GET BETTER AND OVER THESE CRAVING...YEAH ME TOO....SICK ISN'T IT....HUGHS

Aceonelady

#28 Sep 16 - 9AM (Reply to #4)

lola_azul

Oxytocin

I think that is what keeps the female around these sickos and hooked, somehow believing that if we continue the obsession and yielding to their craziness we will get them to react and see us for the beautiful people that we truly are. We wish for the sex but more importantly we are craving the intimacy that comes with a healthy relationship and we are just to traumatized to understand that these individuals are uncapable of giving us that because they do not have it to start with. Today, as I am back to my medicines and feeling a little better (just exhausted) I realized that I was doing for my xN more that I have ever done for myself, my family, my own child and that in those two years that I allowed him in my life, I gave so much that now I am drained and almost lifeless!!!! Well, no more of that!! I am treating myself better, I am hugging myself and going to forget about him and his disordered existance! Effing vampire, no more living in my head without paying rent!!! Happy Friday, ladies!!!

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