Asking for advice/support

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#1 November 25, 2017 - 9:04pm

Asking for advice/support

Hi, this is not my first run in with someone who is personality disordered. I've dated 2 psychopaths and a few narcissists before. Unfortunately, I seem to be a magnet for them. I'm asking for support as I am having a heck of a time disconnecting and staying broken up with my ex-boyfriend, as I have a very difficult time being single and I don't have any friends nearby. My intuition keeps telling me something is off with him but I have such a hard time being alone and I work with him so I have to interact with him. Not to mention, every time I do break up with him he leaves flowers or coffee at my desk with sweet post it notes.
What "hooked" me was he left roses on my desk one day and about 2 weeks later he left tulips. Then we started talking and eventually dating and he'd bring me Starbucks and say really sweet things to me-the love bombing started. He tells me that he "has me on a pedestal so high, no one could ever knock me off" and he "loves me more than life" and I'm "the woman of his dreams and his best friend." So, yes, it's been extremely difficult staying broken up.

Something that has really troubled me about him (well, there are several, but the main 3 things: the horrible relationship he has with his ex-wife and how poorly he talks of her and apparently on their wedding day he told her that she had halitosis. The 2nd-how he just can't seem to accept no, despite me telling him over and over that I want to break up (though, partly my fault as I give him mixed messages by going back to him). The last is the fact that he had a close relationship with 2 elderly women who both seemed to suffer from Alzheimer's. He was a contractor and used to do flooring work for them. He whined to me this past week that one of the women actually died and he tried calling the other one from his cell and her number was blocked (her family actually blocked his number, so he called from his work phone). He said that her nephew was protective of her as she had a lot of money and didn't know how to manage it and had told him to stay away from her as he had traveled down there one weekend to do flooring for her house and stayed the weekend. He also mentioned how he had a Home Depot card from one of them...He would always back his stories up with "but they're like my second mom'), which is ironic because he's not even close to his mom and made an off hand comment one time that he used to hate her (due to him having an abusive step dad and feeling that she didn't protect him). So many weird stories like these that I can't even keep them straight.

He is not your typical narcissist in the fact that he's flashy or obnoxious but he seems like a covert narcissist and he appears to be emotionally stunted-like he stopped growing emotionally around 10 years old. Can anyone relate to any of this?....

November 27, 2017 - 4:39pm

Authentic blue...

... I imagine plenty on this site will be able to relate to your story, or at least the type of narcissistic traits and behaviors you describe about this guy. Let's establish there is enough concern to know he is someone that you need to break ties with, right? I would invite you to focus on yourself and seek answers as to the "narc magnet" issues you mentioned. I worked with a therapist to discover things about myself that made me a good target and it took a lot of work to get to a place where I made healthier choices. Boundary setting was a big thing. Like many of us, I didn't know how to properly set boundaries, and even when I did, it was hard to enforce them. I can see this may be a concern for you as well when reading your comments. You've already taken a huge step by learning and understanding what a narcissist is. Now it's time to dig deep, brave the work on self, and take your power back. I feel you may be delighted to see healthier relationships develop in the future. Hope this helps... <3


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