2nd day NC - I said I love you because, apparently, I'm a masochist.

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#1 May 3 - 1AM
Forgetaboutme
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2nd day NC - I said I love you because, apparently, I'm a masochist.

I haven't seen him since February.

I told him I loved him

In response

He made fun of me and berated me for the entire 20 minute trip home. He kept asking why I loved him and telling me that I didn't love him...

When we got to my house, I took off my clothes to change the subject, but he wouldn't have sex with me.

I put on a robe. He continued to harass me about saying I love him... egging me on so that I'd push back.

I asked him how he felt about me. His response: "I like you and you're fun to f*ck."

I told him to "Get out."

That was the last I've seen him.

the worst result of our 16-month "relationship" is my shift in perspective... The narc used my love against me as a weapon. He saw my insecurity and exploited it; my weakness made me his target...

I now see falling in love as the act of a desperate lonely fool... a chemical reaction that manipulated me into subservience.

Who could love me? The last man I loved only pretended to like me so that he could hurt me and f*ck me... I don't know how to get over that deception and self-deception. Why was I so pathetic that I wanted to believe his lies even as his actions assaulted me with the truth?

The "relationship" was over for a while after that.

I discovered that he was a Narcissist. That was a relief of the morbid kind.

I wasn't unloveable. He was incapable of love. I cling to that knowledge in my pain... knowing that he will never love anyone is a comfort to me. But to think of all of his past and future victims makes me sad.

He's like my heroin. A shitty drug that I've been willing to destroy myself to continue to have...

Like all harmful addictions. He'll never leave. He'll always be waiting. He'll be ready to abuse me whenever I'm ready to be weak...

It's been 3 months since I've seen him.

I was strong at first and went NC... then I gave in and have been texting him jokes, sending him sexy photos and videos regularly again for over a month.

He's traveling now in Asia. I've been writing with him on Whatsapp..

On Thursday, without warning, I blocked him. I just can't keep doing it to myself. I want to be free so badly. He makes me feel so weak.

I've blocked him before but I've always caved... This time has to be different. This time WILL be different. I WILL be strong. The Narcissist is out of my life.

I hope you can all help me maintain NC. With your help, I'm ready to be strong.

May 4 - 7PM
tiredofthisaddiction
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BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK

May 4 - 8PM (Reply to #6)
Forgetaboutme
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I love this

May 3 - 6PM
omgalso
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You were caught as were we all

May 3 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
ItsFinallytime
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I agree with you to some

May 3 - 4PM
StrongasDandelion
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Dear Forgetaboutme, take good

May 3 - 7AM
Lookforward
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