Short but really intense dating experience
Short but really intense dating experience
This story is about a girl I was dating a week ago. I have known her on a aquaintence level for a few years. I had a crush on her but she was with someone for 2 years. We both met up again mid August at a friends party and it turns out he had dumped her and I myself had come out of a relationships month before. She seemed really interested and wanted me to teach her how to play guitar. I have her my number and we started texting. We hung out for the first time and she was very friendly. She paid for gas and parking( we went to the beach).
This is where the red flags happened. She told me she cheated on one of her exs, likes feeling important, needs someone like a bf to talk to everyday to make her feel special. We had a great time otherwise and she insisted we hang out 2 days later. And wanted to make plans for the next weekend. She started to call me everyday at break, she wanted to hang out everyday, and insisted we go away for a night. Of coarse I agreed and the whole we was great and we had sex when we went away. During all of this I got told how great I was and tons of compliments. She said she was really into me but wasn’t ready for anything serious but we could slowly work into a relationship. Which I thought was weird because she was taking things fast.
Then the following week she warned me of her anxiety and how she’s know to disappear for a few days because she pushes people away. This never happened but she had a random emotional outburst about her ex and I suggested maybe seeing each other wasn’t a good idea. She freaked out at even the thought and insisted we continue. We continued see each other and she would message me all day and call at least 3 times a day.
As it progressed she became super emotional over small things. Every week she would explode over something like me seeing a movie without her or if I didn’t answer fast enough. One time I wanted to go to bed early because I was sick so because I didn’t talk to her as late as usual she gave me short angry replies all the next day. It felt like a punishment. At this point it began to feel like I was walking on eggshells. The smallest comment or change in pattern was seen as a slight and I’d be left apologizing and trying to put everything back together. She then suggested we go away again.
We took a nature trip and had a wonderful time. She told me she loved me and could see a life with me and how good it felt. We continued having sex and the whole week after was perfect. Out of nowhere 6 days after we got back she became rude, snappy, and cold. She started to become more controlling and more snappy. She would nit pick everything I did, freak out if I disagreed, and everything we did had to be her way. She also started hanging out with a “old friend.”
The coldness continued and she said she needed to take a step back because we went to fast and she freaked out. I respected her feelings and agreed. When I asked what that meant or how we should proceed she for angry and said let’s not figure it out let’s jsut do it. So I took a step back and gave her more space. I felt super confused. She went from I love you and want a life together to cold and needing a huge step back in 6 days. So I pulled back a bit and she sensed it I think. Al of a sudden the compliments came back and the person I fell in love with returned. She said maybe she over thinks and a relationship would be great. But I said well we should still take it slow. Hot and cold behavior really bothers me and I need some sort of stability. She apologized for everything and said that wouldn’t happen again.
Fast forward a few days later she hung out with her “old friend” again at a party. She seemed distant and weird again. Then the next day all she could do was talk about him and was back to cold and snappy. I confessed I was a little jealous but I only wanted to get it off my chest. I said it politely and communicated to her that I was happy she had good friends I just wanted to say how I felt.
The next day she was distant and we barely talked. So I asked what’s up? She said she was put off about how I said I was jealous. So i said why? She said because we aren’t in a relationship and we are not in a place for you to feel jealous. So I was like what? I’m not allowed to feel jealous because we aren’t in a relationship? And she said yes. So I said then I can’t do this. She absolutely lost it. I calmly explained how she’s been distant and cold and not she’s picking and choosing what I can and can’t feel. The whole time If she felt anything like that or something was off, I would listen and hear her out. But the one time I had something to express it was shot down. I told her this isn’t a good idea because it seems like she doesn’t want to deal with my feelings. She said she dosent and shouldn’t have to. She said she’s not in a place where she’s capable of treating me respectfully and shouldn’t have to listen to how I feel. She wanted to stay in a gray area of dating. I told her I wasn’t ok with that and that it doesn’t seem healthy and that I wasn’t happy with the way things were. It was insane. Whenever I tried to say how I felt she turned it around and blamed me. She said I was the problem and causing drama and blowing it up. She claimed I was blaming her for me being unhappy and that I was be asshole. She told me all of this screaming and I’m hysterics while stayed calm and respectful. She told me I didn’t love her and I said we shouldn’t do this and was done.
The next day she apologized and said she was just defensive and wanted to smooth things over. She gave some half baked excuses for what she said and just asked are we good? I said I appreciate it but I need some space. She got super irritated and hung up. 2 says into space she texted saying she really missed me. I said I do too but I just need to process. She wanted to go back to talking and hanging out. I told her I wasn’t ready for that as she wanted to do so as friends...which I know means friends with benefits because of her history.
A few days later I found out that “old friend” was one of her ex’s and that she was coming into him at the party. She had been in regular contact with him too. Apparently nothing happened but it’s still odd. She still talks to all of her ex’s and they play different roles. One is for emotional venting, one is someone she hooks up with if she’s alone, one is for driving her places etc. so I feel like I was a pinch in boyfriend. It was a double standard of if I broke behaving like a boyfriend or not answering her every whim I was punished. But if I did anything to remotely make her feel like a girlfriend she “wasn’t Capable” of handling it. So now I’m in not contact and I feel so much better. My friends who witnessed it are supportive and say I’m much happier. I have urges to reach out but I resist them. It’s weird to realize the person I had feelings for never existed. Sorry it was so long that’s for reading!